Conversations

Are kids natural comedians?  JK flew to Utah for business on Sunday.  He called on Tuesday night, and Artimus said to him, in her as-a-matter-of-fact way, "Daddy, I really miss you.  I want you to come back in 5 minutes, okay?"

At 9:45 pm, I finally turned off the light, making good my threat that after 9:00 pm, they do not get to read any books.  The CD was playing the most soothing music - the same one every night. Artimus sat up, against my other threats again opening their eyes or mouth, and said, again in her as-a-matter-of-fact way, "Mommy, I think one of my teeth fell in my throat."  I said, "It's not possible so put your head back down on the pillow, NOW!"  Two seconds later, she sat up, "Mommy, where is the the ball Ethan got me from the dentist?"  Exasperated, I said, "I don't know.  We'll look for it tomorrow.  Pleeeeease close your eyes and your mouth."  In response, she said, "Okay, mommy."  One second later, she sat up, "Mommy, I think I found my baby. It's on my bed."  The baby is her toy baby.  "Great. Now sleep."  I kept my eyes on the computer, ignoring them.  In the darkness, and from the corner of my eyes, I saw her tossing and turning and I thought I saw her swinging her pillow around. Then she talked to herself in whispers.  I had no idea what she was saying to herself. Aaaaaaaaaa!  She is so cute and so exasperating! Then she rapped, and then she played with her saliva, making all sorts of noise.


Home feels like another world.  It's more hectic but it's also more fun.  Everyday is a different adventure!

Little Obsessions

When Ethan was 1 1/2, and he was introduced to buses, he would demand to have his own Metrocard, or he'll find mine or JK's in our bags.  He ate, bathed, pooped, and slept with them.  Yes, more than one was held in his hands at all times.  He even went to school with a couple of them.  I used to give a few spares to the day care teacher in case Ethan loses them or was throwing a tandrum.  These Metrocards did wonders.

Now a days, it's no longer Metrocards but little rubber duckies in different decorations, or a balloon, or little toy cars - anything that can be held in his hands.  These days, he lug around several little toy cars or trains for comfort.  Artimus started doing that as well,   They even began to role play with whatever toy they have in their hands.   It's hilarious to watch them play together because they would be all into banging, shooting, and stuff dying.  Then Artimus would burst out that it's time to get married.  I think I'll have to record this one day. 

Memories

Until the last week or so, I did not realize Ethan had such strong memories for some of his experiences.  The other day he reminded me of a bus breaking down on our way home, and we had to get off and hop on another bus.  He must have been 2 or may be 3 years old.  Then tonight, while I was trying to get them to sleep before 10:00 pm, he went to his bedroom closet and found the boogie board I had bought him when we went to Bermuda two and a half years ago, just a few days before he turned two.  He remembered exactly what the board was for and that he had used it "a long time ago" in the water. 

I think it's time to lock my door when I change my clothes.  He has not been respecting my rule that mommy needs her privacy.  Ahh, he is growing up.  I can't believe he is not a baby anymore. 

In school, he is learning all sorts of stuff from his friends.  He demonstrated to Artimus how to make a gun using his fingers.  Then he tells me all sorts of truths (i.e. "Do you know that a penguin jumps into the icy cold water and swim?"  "Do you know that the birds sing in the morning to wake us all up?" "Do you know that when I cry that means I am really tired?" etc etc).  This is truly an amazing age. 

I am going to withhold stories of my early morning drama with Ethan everyday, which he understands he is the one responsible for our arguments.  I can't get him to go to school on time because he knowingly refuses to put on his shoes etc.  He is growing up.  It will be nice if he would just get dressed in time in the morning by himself and head to school without whining.

Love and Fights

We love in the morning and we engage in battles at night.  That seems to be the natural cycle these days.  Every morning, I find them in my bed calmly snuggled close to me.  At night, they want me to hold their hands so they would fall asleep in their own beds.  I counter with either I stay in the room and type on the computer, or I leave.  Tonight, Ethan refused to close his eyes unless I let him grab my feet.  Artimus demanded that I hold her hand while she falls asleep.  I told them the rules, counted to three, and their eyes were still looking at me.  So I got up and left the room.  She cried.  Ethan just quietly walked over to my room, sat on my bed and looked at me with his very tired eyes.  I repeated to him the rules.  He agreed.  We went back to Artimus who was still crying in her bed.  She agreed to stay in her bed and sleep while I type on the computer.  After I started typing, the whole time ignoring them, out of the blue she said, "Sorry mommy," and started crying again.  Aaah, so sensitive!  I went over and kissed her good night for the one millionth time.  Only after all this fuss that they fell sound asleep, at 10:55 pm.  Thank God it's Friday night! 

I still don't have the hearts to just walk out of the room and force them to fall asleep on their own.  I am afraid that by leaving the room and letting them cry it out would only mean that I am not recognizing that at night, children have unreasonable fear of monsters.  Adults can rationalize it all they want.  The truth remains that we can all remember those early days when we fear the dark or some unknown forces we could not explain. 

Anyway, the summer is coming near.  It's a good time to push them further into independent at night.

Hope you had a beautiful April.

-JW

Gifted and Talented?  Or Pure Luck?

I am referring to that test that four year olds take to get into a gifted and talented program in NYC.  While I think Ethan is a smart kid and above average, I often find him to be wild.  He has obsessions that drive me nuts.  He is also a very passionate kid who gets attach to friends and can't stop talking about those friends.  For awhile I thought he was just going to be a follower in life because he was always talking about what another kid did in school and that he wants to do that too.  Then there were times he shocks me with the things he can think about and articulate.

Well, last night, I got an email from the DOE saying he qualified to apply to a gifted and talented program.  I was happy to know that but forgot my password to get into the system to check out his score.  So this morning, when I saw the score, I almost fell off my chair.  My son is gifted and talented?  May be all these headache and heartache are worth it?  May be we have hope?  I called the daddy immediately.  He also couldn't believe it because he was convinced that while Ethan was smart, he was no top-of-the-class of the 4 year olds. 

So we are pleasantly surprised.  But people tell me smart kids are expensive.  Anyway, a stubborn kid has a stubborn mom - I love the school he is in now so he is staying.  Daddy may think differently.  A part of me is wondering if I should at least do some due diligence by visiting the nearest gifted and talented school.   The application deadline is next Friday.  There is just not enough time in a day to do all that one must do.

Hope your day is as exciting but not so filled with dilemma.

-JW

Mother Guilt

I often wonder if I am doing my best for my children when it comes to schooling.  Ethan is in the school of my dream - the dual language school in the lower east side.  But I have not been able to do much homework with him because there is just not enough time after I get home from work.  I still cook.  Then there is cleaning the dishes.  By the time we get to the bedroom, it's 8:30 pm.  After a book or two, a bath, and brushing teeth, it's 9:30.  Needless to say, by that point, I am in a frantic mode to shut the lights and force them to close their eyes.  Ethan has been able to fall asleep faster these days.  I guess he really resists the nap in school.  Artimus, on the other hand, has been the one unable to fall asleep.

All said, there is just not enough time to do all that must be done and do school work.  I guess it's all routine.  Our current routine is just not meeting his academic needs.  His Chinese teacher has been sending him notes to bring home that said he needs to practice his pronunciation and writing his Chinese characters.  What can I do?  I have a full time job?  I need to think hard and get myself disciplined.  The problem is I love to sleep and I really enjoy a freshly cooked dinner.  Perhaps with school age children, and being a single mom, this just has to change.

On another note, when we were having dinner tonight, and the soup was still being boiled, I told them that the smell of soup reminds me of home because my mother always made soup.  Ethan immediately told me that the smell of soup reminds him of mommy.  I was so happy I think I was in tears.  It's true, I rarely ever have to remind him to drink his soup.

The weather is getting warmer.  I hope everyone is enjoying the sun.  There are those with spring fever, myself included, who seem to be dressing for weather 20 degrees warmer.  The coats and jackets are just too heavy and depressing.  It's time to stay out in the park all day!  Don't you agree?

Central Park Zoo

Practice Makes Perfect

Ethan is now a pro at his new scooter.  We scoot everywhere.  He promised he would help me practice with my new scooter.  For the life of me, I just find walking faster and less strenuous.  I also realized I am not very good at balancing.  So what do I hear when I start walking with the scooter?  "Mommy, practice makes perfect!  You have to get back on the scooter!"  Ahh, I wanted to talk him out of telling me how much fun it is to scoot but I am thinking hard before I say a word.  For a mother who constantly tells her kids to get up and try again, and practice-makes-perfect, what would he learn if I tell him I am just not good at scooting and I don't have to like or be good at everything?  I think for a 4 year old, it's pretty confusing.  So I don't think I have a choice.  I have to learn to use that scooter this summer.  I'll just practice till I can do it.  What was I thinking when I told him we'll scoot around town together this summer?  Aaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

My Smart Little Sweet Thing

I am working late again today.  I mean really late, say after 11:00 pm.  I figure if I work late I'll miss seeing the kids so I might as well work very late to get more writing done. 

I called home at 9:30 pm, just before the light goes out and they have to hit the bed.  The first thing that came out of Artimus was, "Mommy, I want you to come home and sleep in your own bed."  Well, where else could I go?  I promised her I would not sleep in my office, and I would sleep in my own bed.  Ethan asked what I was doing.  I explained that I have work I must finish.  Then we "hugged" and "kissed" over the phone before we hung up.  It's a bedtime ritual that I can't let them forget.

Artimus and Ethan are really growing up.  I am learning that they could live without me, even if they really miss me.  This is a good thing.

Ahh, What?

Kids can say the most illogical thing.  Last night, after requiring Artimus to pee before she goes to sleep, and after she pee'ed unwillingly, she cried and said, "I want to put the pee back in my butt."  Ahh, okay.  That's a new one for trying to avoid going to bed.  I told her to drink a glass of water and the pee will be right back in her butt.

The day before JK and I actually tried to put the pee back into her butt.  We were so serious, Artimus couldn't stop laughing as we were "trying" to pour the urine from the potty back into her butt. 

Kids are work!

Ethan vs. Artimus

While Ethan couldn't take his eyes off his new mini razor scooter, and wants to give away his Radio Flyer scooter, Artimus couldn't let go of her pink scooter grandma bought her last summer.  Artimus asked me to return her green mini razor scooter.  This is a pretty amazing experience - my 3 year old chose a difficult-to-control and heavy scooter over an extremely well-designed, fast, and light scooter, all for her love of the scooter she always had.  One may question she just may not know how good the new scooter is.  But Ethan has been boasting about the speed, light weight, and stability of the mini razor since he got it Wednesday night.  Even Ethan is begging her to just try her mini scooter so they can play together.

Another possibility is that Artimus is just too proud to accept something she did not earn.  Unlike Ethan, she never got 42 happy faces for a continuous seven-day period, which was required before she could open the box to her new scooter.  Artimus eyed it frequently. So after two days, I subcumbed and opened the box anyway.  But she did not budge.  She still insisted that I return it.  Ahhhhhh, my sweet little darling is driving me crazy!

My regular razor scooter is arriving in the mail soon.  I am hoping to scoot down the streets in the neighborhood with my two little ones on warm sunny days.  May be we'll scoot into friends?

Anxious Anticipation

Do you still remember the days when you wait anxiously, with all the excitement one can have, for something to be delivered?  And you were right there at home waiting for it?  As much as it was exciting to anticipate such a delivery, you must agree it was torturous too. 

Ethan earned his razor mini kick scooter and I mistakenly told him that it would be delivered today.  Well, the scooter is in transit to be delivered today.  The mistake was in telling him because he has been at the door every few minutes checking if the delivery arrived.  The babysitter couldn't even convince him to go out for a bike ride.  When I called a few minutes ago, Ethan's first words were, "How many more minutes, Mommy?  Is it here yet?"  Huh, what should I say?  My poor little boy.  I told him the package won't get there any sooner just because he is at the door wishing that it arrives.  I told him to just go to the playground in the back of the building and have fun.  Ethan said he'll have fun at home with his trains and train tracks.  Then he couldn't wait to get off the phone so he can go back to door-watching.

I hope the scooter arrives as scheduled.  Otherwise, Ethan will bug me till I want to jump out the window. 

Is there a better word to describe Ethan's feelings than anxious anticipation?

Incentives

Human nature has the best of us -- desires for "stuff" can truly be the driving force for achievements.  At the age of 4, it's the Razor Mini Kick Scooter, and Ethan is very close to earning it.  Unknown to him, I already ordered two, one for him and one for Artimus.  These little scooters are not the least cheap.  But they could do wonders.  To earn this scooter, Ethan had to, among the seven critical items, (1) stop using hurtful words when he gets angry, (2) sleep through the night by himself in his own bed, and (3) get dress by himself everyday.  He had to get six out of seven "happy faces" each day for seven days straight to earn it.  So far, after seven days, he had made marked improvements.  And for two days in a row, he even stopped crawling into my bed until after 6:00 am.  If he gets seven happy faces today as well as tomorrow, you will see him riding that scooter down Grand Street with a happy proud face.  In fact, you might see me, Artimus and Ethan each riding our own scooter down Grand Street on a sunny day.  Yup, mommy got a scooter too.  They can't be the only ones having fun! 

After a year of struggles, the Razor Mini Kick Scooter turned out to be the best motivator for change. 

Oh, in case you are wondering, Artimus has no problem with the big issues, like sleeping.  She has the little issues like whining and not wanting to brush her teeth or get out of the bathtub.  Interestingly, I'll have to hide her scooter until she comes close to earning it.  Right now, she is barely getting five happy faces a day.

Single Mom and Single Dad

After about three months of waiting for the divorce papers to pass through the bureaucratic machinary, JK and I finally got the Judgment of Divorce.  It's in the County Clerk's Office.  It's about another year if I want a copy mailed to me.  It's just $8 if I go pick it up tomorrow.  Divorce is never easy.

I am running there to get a copy because I have to change my health insurance so the kids can see their pediatricians again.  The two Artimus and Ethan have been visiting since birth are really old timers.  The new one Ethan and I visited last Friday didn't seem to know her stuff.  Ethan was referred to two specialists.  Such was never the case before. 

Now, Mom and Dad are both single.  What does that mean?  I have yet to find out.  It's a journey full of hope ... or, may be today's weather seems to make me see everything more positively.

 

Parent-Teacher Conference

Ethan is doing well in school, according to his teachers.  The Chinese teacher, who speaks no English, said that Ethan loves to talk and talks too much in class.  She also encourages students to speak only Mandarin in class but Ethan is talking too much in English.  She wants me to be aware of this problem.  I don't see what I can do to change this except to mention to Ethan that I am aware of his being a chatter box in class.  Then the Chinese teacher noted that Ethan has the inclination to color and draw with black and other dark colors.  She said that's a sign that Ethan is not happy and he is thinking about things.  I thought that was an interesting observation. 

The English teacher, and her assistant, was more upbeat about Ethan.  They said that he is not just a follower, and that he sometimes enjoy taking the lead when he plays with other kids.  They were quite pleased with his progress because he apologizes when he is told that he did something wrong.  In particular, he used to hate holding hands with his partner Sally.  He would either refuse to hold her hand or he would squeeze her hand really hard so that Sally would go running to the teachers.  Now, they said, with relief, Ethan doesn't do that as frequently.  The main teacher said that she has high expectations from Ethan because he is one of the few in the class who has a large amount of vocabulary.

So, not so bad!  I just have to work on his sleep and his ability to control words that comes out of his month ... yeah, a long story.

Good Person

What makes a person good?

When I was pregnant with Ethan, I was deeply concerned about the kind of person he will become.  I realized that of all the things that I wanted my son to be, the most important to me was that he grows up to become a good person - one who cares about the plight of others and is a giving person.  I still remember that anytime I was alone with him, I would rub my belly and whisper to him my hopes and dreams that he just be a good person.

Is being a good person, under my definition, innate?  Or is it learned?  If it is learned, then I must be an example of one who cares about the plight of others and is a giving person, even if that means I forgo something/someone I truly want to have.  This is not easy, but to choose otherwise seems hypocritical.

I hope that one day, when I look back at all the decisions I made in life, that I can be proud to have made them.  What is mine is mine.  What is not will never be.  What I do have are my children.  They are my responsibility and a mark of my achievement.  So the sleepless nights will be what they will be.  I will conquer them with love.

This is an entry I share with a special friend.

My Birthday Pictures

A Little Down

I am a little down, not the kids.  There was a moment today when I just questioned whether I could handle it all alone as a single mom.  Yes, daddy is always around despite our separation.  But financially, we are quite separate.  I was to take over all medical bills this year on.  After what I thought was a thorough look-around for a good health insurance plan in my job, on our first visit to the pediatrician's for Artimus' 3 year check up, I was told by the pediatrician that they do not take GHI.  For the first time, I felt the weight of having no health insurance.  Even on a regular annual visit, which is a routine check up, the cost was an arm and a leg - $285.00, after some major discount.  How do people with no health insurance but who have health problems handle it?  This experience made me question whether I have too much on my plate and not enough mental power to do things right.  I need to reevaluate how I get things done and look for room to improve so I don't make this type of big mistake again.  Meanwhile, I'll be searching for a pediatrician who takes GHI. 

Another lesson learned today - GHI does not pay its doctors enough so doctors are dropping GHI left and right. 

As for the single moms out there handling it all, and who still have a good spirit, I applaud you.  This is a tough road to travel.

Maturing

 

I am glad to report that they are still full of spirit and quite adventurous these days, despite being home bound most of the time.  The weather is treacherous and cold.  The good thing is we are actually beginning to love being at home.  This may be because these days, they actually clean up after themselves, and we have a routine of some sort so that being home is more tolerable.  They do have incessant energy for creative play, and they chat and play together non-stop all day long.  Thank God they love playing with each other!  When my head is full and distracted like today, it's great to have a routine to follow and they have each other's company.

Artimus is THREE

 

Here is Artimus' photo smile at her three year birthday party! So typical of a three year old who does the fake/forced smile at the sight of a camera pointed at her.  She makes me laugh every time.  Can't believe she is three.  I also can't believe how the past three years felt like a lifetime.  Remembering how she was when she was a baby is a challenge.  I just remember she was always curious, even when she was just two weeks old.  When people say personality is formed or can be seen by age three, I think one can have a pretty good guess after just a week of life.  Artimus was easy going the moment she was born.  Yes, that's right, but I will spare you the details of how I came to that conclusion.  To this day, at age three, Artimus is still easy going, with a carefree way about her.  At times though, she is beginning to be self conscious of her appearance and what people think about her.  So only recently, I find that she is exhibiting some "shyness" and reservations about saying "hi".  Well, that's part of growing up.  Happy Birthday my love - the girl of my dreams!

Inspired by the book "Half The Sky"

I am inspired by a new found feeling that I can change the world despite all the obstacles - because either I am engaged in making it better or I am just making it just as bad.  Now, the urgency to be a part of the change comes from seeing my little girl's pure love, feelings, curiosities and innocence, and knowing that millions of little girls in poor villages throughout the world are beatened, maimed, raped, and even killed.

I love my precious Artimus and I could not even stand seeing her sad.  Well, I have the joy of saying I have never seen her sad, and I hope I never will but I know I am dreaming about that.  She has been throwing a lot of tandrums lately to get me to yield to her wishes.  Can't wait for this phase to be over. 

Hope everyone gets a chance to peek in this book.

I Am Back

In case you wonder why I have not entered a new post since August 2008, the lives of the He's have changed drastically beginning right around August 2008. For reasons too personal to get into on a blog about life with the new beings, I'll just say that Daddy and Mommy separated, and Mommy has physical custody of Ethan and Artimus. As always, Daddy and Mommy put Ethan and Artimus on the top of our priority list. So as far as they know, Daddy just doesn't sleep in the apartment. Well, okay, we also told them that Daddy and Mommy are not together anymore but that we will always love them and we will always "love" each other, which we do.

Gosh, it's amazing that I am still struggling with the sleeping issue a year and a half after I vowed to train them to sleep on their own. How did I think that it was just going to be several months? The good news is, they each have their own twin size bed and they fall asleep in their own bed, with me sitting on a chair in their room. Then some time in the middle of the night, I find Ethan right next to me in my bed. This has been the norm for the past two months. Well, I am gathering up the strength to carry him back every night. But that won't start until work in the office slows down a bit.

Until next time, please take care!

-JW

Kaaterskill Falls

Ethan and Artimus' first hike in the woods is a not-so-easy ascent to almost the top of the Kaaterskill Falls. Mind you, this is the day after a major storm in the past 3 days. But Ethan's spirit was unparalleled ... at least until the last 5 minutes of the hike when he was literally jumping down because he was so tired. Above is a family photo with the falls behind us. It was not an easy hike like it was advertised but the sound of the falls throughout the hike kept it exciting. This is definitely recommended for nature-lovers.

Vitality. Who else can exhibit more of that than children? Ethan and g.

Artimus at 14 months

She melts my heart everyday.

Brooklyn Botanical Garden
It started out as a chilly and cloudy day but we were determined to visit the botanical garden for a feel of spring. To our surprise, the garden was crowded with kids and couples looking for color to take pictures. For those still hoping to see the cherry blossom, only a couple of trees actually blossomed. There were many more that are just budding with flowers. The attraction today? tulips and dandelions in red, orange, pink, and yellow. Thought the admissions was high at $8.00 per adult. With two kids, we knew we were only going to stay for an hour and a bit before they get completely tired and hungry so that's a bit expensive if we had to pay out of pocket.

JW

Sleep

Artimus turned 13 months five days ago. Even though she has only been walking for a little over a month, I can' t remember the days when she was not walking. I wish I took more pictures. But then I was too busy keeping up with two kids and making sure they are alive and not too injured before they finally fall asleep. I can't help but think that my poor memory of even the most immediate milestones in their lives is caused by a lack of good sleep. Artimus and I have been sleeping together since her first day of life. It was great to feel her breath and be able to keep her warm every night. No regrets for that at all. But two months ago, Ethan got a special need to be back in the same bed with mommy every night. Sleeping with one is okay. Sleeping with two somehow more than doubled the stress. Perhaps I wake up twice as frequently? I can't even remember that when I wake up in the morning. I just know that I woke up many times during the night to tend to my prince and princess. Then to add to this misery, somehow in the last week our routine doesn't put them in bed until 10:00 or 10:15 so they have not been falling asleep until about 11:00. That 45 minutes to 1 hour is no joke. I think it is torture to the highest degree kids can put their parent through. For some reason, Artimus and Ethan doesn't react quickly to darkness. Rather, they continue to laugh and to engage in other physical acts that provoke me, including poking, pinching, biting, kicking, kissing, hugging, screaming etc etc. They just have so much fun . . . until I threaten to get up and leave the room, then they calm down a bit. This has been going on for a week. I am beyond exhaustion.

Tonight, I reiterated the bedtime routine to my comrade in arms - JK- who is not always next to me in battles. This is particularly true when Artimus' crying begins, or Ethan hurts his feelings with "NO DADDY" for everything. (This is something Ethan loved to say after JK traveled out of town for work for two nights.) JK was dead tired, for some reason, and had a hard time keeping this simple routine I wrote out for him just two hours before. So the battle was one that I fought alone tonight. Ethan fell asleep at about 10:15 and Artimus fell asleep at about 10:45 pm, after an unexpected short nap from 9:15 to 9:45 pm. All in all, this was about a 45 minutes improvement from the previous nights when Ethan fell asleep at 11:15 pm and Artimus fell asleep at about 11:45 pm.

This sleeping battle will have to wage on and until I win, we all lose because neither Artimus nor Ethan are getting enough sleep for their age. I kept reading that sleep affect a kid's ability to learn and retain information. So I applaud my friends who had early on gathered up all their strength and had kept up a good sleeping routine. It is never too late to start improving ones life so this time, I must persist in moving them off my bed and into their own. The challenge is to help them feel secure enough to fall asleep. I guess it will have to be work on my part as well as theirs because sleeping alone is part of growing up.

I hope to report good news in a few days . . . I mean a few months.

JW

Some Thoughts

At two years and four months, Ethan is already having a hard time at life. To set the picture, Ethan bit another kid in his class about a month ago. The news came like a storm even though it was not unexpected. The parent of the victim child was unconcerned. I don't know if that was a good thing. Then the daycare wanted to meet, which I was glad about because they actually cared about their students. We came up with a plan to help Ethan improve his behavior, because according to their evaluation, Ethan is actually a very smart kid but needs to work on his aggression. So we decided we would give him big/huge/exaggerated hugs and praises whenever he does something good. We all did our part and for the weeks that followed, the teachers only fell more in love with all his helpfulness, cheerfulness and overall enthusiasm in class activities . . . until this Tuesday after a three day weekend. Well, to further put this in context, the week before the three day weekend, he was bitten twice by the kid he bit in mid-December. I was so proud that Ethan did not bite back.

You might ask, what happened over this three day weekend? I can't be sure but much was happening because we were all getting a cold for a second time, including that Artimus got an infection in both of her ears. To avoid too much drama in the middle of the night from any collatoral wakings due to anyone's waking, I asked Daddy to sleep with Ethan in another room. Other than the fight Ethan put up when we put him to bed, he slept fine. So I don't think it was solely because he was not able to sleep with Mommy when his sister could. I think it was because of Daddy. Yes, I am putting some blame on Daddy. He came home this weekend from a conversation he had with a friend he very much respected and confided in. His friend, a devoted Christian, who was not married and certainly don't have children yet, told him that it was important that Ethan be somehow taught to behave well, even if it meant hitting him. This friend further stated that from his observation of kids in his church, children tend to be happier when their parents were stricter with them. So this whole weekend Daddy was exclaiminng strong words of discipline if Ethan doesn't do this or that. Now, please note that I had always been the disciplinarian who had certain rules, like no ice-cream before dinner, we must brush our teeth before bed, and the deprivation of certain privilege if he bites, push, hits, or commits other crimes against moral turbitude for kids of his age. Daddy, on the other hand, was the one who gives up upon the sight of a tear or a tandrum Ethan had mastered. Granted, I must say Daddy's actions could sometimes really aggravates any two year olds, or anyone, since he doesn't respectfully ask before intruding with what he thinks ought to be happening. Ethan rarely throws a tandrum at me because I really try to respect his space and give him some control over what happens. One thing I try to do is to give Ethan routines which gives him some certainty as to what would happen next. Daddy is not a person of routines. Anyway, all the fuss Daddy raised over the weekend and Ethan's reactions/tandrums really drove me crazy. While Daddy went backward by trying to secure more control, Ethan is trying to assert independence and control over his existence like any two year olds. Like my neighbor said, people don't lable "terrible twos" for no reason.

This week, when the teachers reported that Ethan started picking on a kid who was always quiet, my heart just sank. All the improvements he had made over the past month just vanished.

Anyone who loves Ethan and who had spent enough time with him knows that he is a smart and vibrant kid with an aggression issue. I certainly know that Ethan needs a lot of attention and we really did not spend enough time playing with him. We were busy working, moving into our current apartment, and going through the pregnancy and birth of Artimus while Ethan was fast growing. Now that we have settled down, I felt we had missed a lot of critical time together. Although I would not say we are in a rescue mission, I know Ethan is going through a lot emotionally and intellectually. I have been reading a lot in the past few months, and had looked into counseling. In the end, I realize that it's time and attention that Ethan needs. As for Daddy's weekend behavior, he realized he was wrong in taking advice from an unmarried and childless friend on how to be a good parent.

Now, it's time to go back to the drawing board and try to bring out the best of Ethan again. This time, we have to seek JK's mother's help, like taking care of Artimus on a Saturday or Sunday while we take Ethan to the zoo or botanical garden. We are all growing, and parenthood is definitely a growing pain as well. I just hope that we don't cause that much damage to our beautiful kids in the process.

JW

Sick Again

Just when I thought we were emerging from our coughs, colds and ear infections, we are back with those pink stuff again, not to mention the boxes of Puffs and Kleenex tissues that are running out like water. The worst is to watch them all stuffed up and unable to breath confortably. Artimus, who use to always smile and laugh, is now crying over the slightest concern, like I stood up or I sat down or Ethan held her hand, etc etc etc . So I gave in to holding her more. Then, as you can imagine, Ethan didn't like that. So I found myself with a little 33 pound person threwing himself at me constantly, crying for love, attention, and whatever else he needed emotionally. Daddy was sick also. He was so tired from having to take care of two sick kids that he slept on the sofa for almost three hours on Saturday, admidst Ethan's crying, playing with his belly button and jumping on him. What's worst? It's really not funny . . . BUT IT IS. . . Daddy woke up and couldn't turn his neck! Well, it's now the fourth day. Hope JK's muscles are more relaxed now. In any case, we are so physically tested that nothing is exciting me at the moment. Just some more sleep would be great.

-JW

Did We Get the Flu?

The whole family has been sick since the middle of December and I am beginning to forget how it feels like to be well. Ethan was better with just a cough two days ago, and he is now back with a runny nose. I can't imagine the weather had nothing to do with it because it felt like below 10 degrees yesterday. Meanwhile, Ethan pressed on with, "no scarf . . . don't want it . . . NO." Instead of strangling him on the street, I just let him experience the cold with my incessant nagging that it's cold. The worst was probably feeling Artimus like a little hot potato by my side last night. She was congested and got a very high temperature. So naturally, she was fussy. Thank God for the beco baby carrier - she was able to fall asleep while sitting up and close to me. Unfortunately, I had to walk around in the middle of the night, half asleep and extremely tired. My own cold and sore throat felt worse, but who cares about the mother when the babies are sick?! Nevertheless, when the sun came up, the routines kept the family going - Daddy wakes up to get ready to work, then I wake up, shower, get dress while Daddy kiss everybody goodbye (or not sometimes), run to catch the bus, drop off Ethan to day care, and run to work.

I wonder when we'll all finally fight off this illness of sore throat, cough and runny nose. Meanwhile, we just want to stay away from everybody until we get better. Hopefully by Chinese New Year, we would all forget how it feels to be sick and can enjoy the festivities.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

-JW

Cruising and Talking

Artimus has finally stood up on her own last week and Ethan has finally started stringing words together to make simple sentences. Their daily development continues to marvel me. Artimus aims for the bed board as soon as I put her down on the bed. Then she has gotten so expert at pulling herself up that it only takes two to three stretches and pulls, and she is up on her own smiling and cooing. Soon, she will be taking those little steps to walking. Unlike Ethan, she will walk without ever crawl.

As for Ethan, he is a sensitive little one who hides his feelings. The other day we were all in the car, along with my mother-in-law, talking about how Ethan needs to stop hitting and trying to bite other kids when he can't get what he wants. After about ten minutes, I looked over to Ethan and he started to cry. It was then that I realized Ethan is no longer oblivious to other people's feelings and words. Yesterday, when daddy was "crying" about the splinter on his big toe, he rubbed daddy's back while saying, "It's okay, it's okay." That's what I do when he cries in the middle of the night!

Ethan is also in love with his little sister. He imitates her koos and her baby movements, and he kisses her hands and cheeks whenever he feels like it. He also kisses Artimus when she cries but of course Artimus is not very approachable when she is crying . . .

All is all, the siblings are growing up like siblings already. They like to play what the other is playing and they laugh intensely together over nothing. And of course, Ethan takes all her cheerios because he could and Artimus complains about it but could do nothing at 9 and 1/2 months . . . other than crying really loud to get the parents to intervene.

As for day-care, Ethan is adjusting but he doesn't like it. The day is just too long for him. Nonetheless, it is apparent to me that going to school has become the norm so when we don't go, he questions it.

JW

Away from Spoiling

It's Ethan's fifth day of school and he now learns that he doesn't want to go. It's true that we probably have better toys and better books at home, and a grandma he can dictate and a little sister he can attack. Best of all, he basically gets to go out to see the world two times a day. Now, gym time is only two days a week, at half an hour each time. Basically no time to stretch his all-too-active little body. The weather is getting colder so I am sure the teachers are not dressing a group of 15 and let them out to catch a cold.

Ethan doesn't put up a big fight against going to school. He just let out this under-the-breath annoying cry. After I walked him into the classroom today, the teacher held him to take off his coat, yet he held on to my hands. Then the teacher told me she finds him very needy, often asking to be held by mommy or grandma. Otherwise, I am told he is eating well, behaving well, and sleeping well.

I am not happy that I am told Ethan is a needy child. I find Ethan more manipulative than needy. Grandparents are in the business of spoiling grandkids and his are no exceptions. I am also beginning to think that Ethan's daddy is guilty of the same charge. Given that Ethan is surrounded by spoilers, may be me included, I am happy Ethan finally has to deal with the "real world". The day he is able to play with other children without getting any of them injured or crying for help, I will be a happier mother. Nothing pains me more than to have raised a needy, selfish, and uncaring boy. I don't think Ethan is such a person but the fear is that one day I may find myself one of the culprit to have created the environment for that to happen. It's no better time to change the course of events than now.

JW

First Day of School

Mornings are always horrible for me . . . and JK, because we can't use an alarm for fear we would wake up the kids prematurely and they in turn torture us with crankiness. The nights are also not easy because Ethan still wakes up kicking and screaming. This morning was just not the day to be running late since I have to drop Ethan off to school. But rush it was. Thanks to the fact that Daddy was home and Grandma helped dress him, we rushed off to catch the bus at 8:45 am. Of course, before exiting the apartment, Grandma and Daddy wanted to come drop him off to his first day of school too. Thank goodness it didn't take much to discourage them.

While on the bus, daddy called asking how our boy was doing. Daddy was practically on the phone with us until I told him we really had to get off the phone so I could give Ethan the mental prep about his first day of school, which I had been doing but I am sure Ethan paid me no mind.

When we got off the bus, he held my hands and was so good about holding on. Only when we got close to the school that he let go and walked next to me. I kept up a good spirit hoping to show him that going to school is a happy event. Well, Ethan was quick to realize something was going to be different. He refused to step inside the classroom eventhough I was already inside for 10 minutes. So I picked him up and put him in. Then he made sure he got his hands on me, the whole time staring at the teachers who were trying to get him to sit down. When the Chinese teacher touched him, he attempted to bite her. What's new? She was alarmed. I explained that Ethan's grandma was not good at stopping him from biting her and that Ethan just needed to be taught by teachers that he can't bite. Then when this Chinese teacher picked Ethan up, so I could leave, Ethan smacked her. What's new? I explained that Ethan would swing his hands to hit and bite when he is frustrated. I gave her a metrocard that has no money and told her that that's Ethan's lovey. She laughed. So I kissed Ethan goodbye as I always did and just walked away as quickly as I could so when I was tempted to look back I couldn't see him anymore.

I think a child's first day of school is difficult for everyone. For example, daddy was at the daycare by 10:00 a.m. after he learned that I forgot Ethan's water bottle. I kicked and screamed that he must be discreet and not let Ethan see him. Later I learned that daddy was escorted out by the administrator and grandma was sitting in the car outside with Artimus, waiting to see what was going to happen. I called daddy and reassured him that it's only normal that Ethan cries because he is being left with strangers - many of them for that matter, in a place he has not been to before. Daddy knew that but he just needed to hear it from someone else.

By 3:30 p.m., Ethan was picked up by daddy. Daddy reported that Ethan was sitting on a chair listening and singing with other kids when he got there. I guess Ethan survived his first day . . . like all the other kids.

JW

Head Injuries and Heartaches

Our heads are designed with quite amazing qualities. It is designed to absorb most physical shock. I am no expert in this simple concept but I am certainly a believer after seeing Ethan fell and bang his forehead - left, center, and right - so often that there is not one week in the past two months when he did not have a black and blue growth on his forehead. Still, he is active as usual. I thought that was all the heartaches until yesterday, when daddy flew off his bike over the handle bar and landed face first. The rushed morning heading out to work ended up with me rushing him to the emergency room at Bellevue Hospital. No, daddy still looks good to me . . . except the face has extra black and blue paddings and scraps. Luckily, the CAT scans showed no fractures so in a few weeks, like may be three, he will be normal looking again. Ethan may want to get close to daddy again . . . and not Frankenstein. Hey, no costumes for daddy tomorrow, just his patient covering is sufficient.

I thought the female in the family are safe until I lost grip of her in one of her newly learned kicks off the person holding her and she landed . . . head first on our wooden floor, surprise! So everyone sustained a head injury except for me. Of course, by night, after all have been hurt, my heart was left to ache, especially for baby girl, who is only 8 months. I just hope the injury was superficial and she will be as smart as she should be.

JW
My sister gave birth to a healthy little boy last Friday10/26. Best of all, God was with her in a difficult surgery. It's worth a celebration that she is alive to be a mother to all her beautiful children.

Putting Ethan In Day Care

Finally, after months of back and forth, I finally decided that it's time. There are just so many reasons to give day care a try. As the days go by, these reasons are looking more certain to outweight the reasons not to put Ethan in day care. First of all, I have tried to ignore the fact that Ethan's day time diet is beyond miserable. Congee, Congee and more congee, with bread sometimes. This is probably one of the same problem I have experienced with my MIL - indirect does not work for her but direct would yield confrontation and bad feelings. I left food in the refrigerator - buns, dumplings, frozen soy beans, fruits, cheerios, animal crackers - all of which she refused to feed Ethan. I turned to the nannies. The nannies did not want to contradict the MIL. I then noticed MIL started bringing food like sponge cakes and rice noodles with beef inside. So fine, I left it at that but continued to leave the same type of food in the refrigerator, in the hopes that she would either get bored with bringing the food or the cost would stop her at some point. Noop, she did not stop but very often she would bring a whole cart of congee for the day and Ethan would have that for breakfast, lunch and late afternoon snack. Granted, there were times when I consumed the food over the weekend but failed to recharge the refrigerator for a day or two. I heard no complaint and so that was how it went because the food would be untouched anyway. In the past month, I noticed that he would have congee at about 5:00 or 5:30 pm because he refused to eat dinner with us, the meal that would give him the most nutrition because I often have fish, a vegetable and a pork or chicken dish, plus a healthy pot of soup. Now, Ethan is really a stick. Everybody knows he lost weight. Yes, Ethan is an active kid but the time he is hungry he gets rice in water with a little bit of pork, which is the type of congee his grandmother makes. Where does he get any nutrients necessary for his growing body?

Don't get me wrong, my MIL is truly a nice and kind hearted woman who would sacrifice herself for her children at a heartbeat. However, when it comes to food, she herself only eats white rice and congee and may be some dried fish once in a while. When I asked why, she said she just doesn't like to eat other food. How can I expect one who doesn't love food to think about cooking a nutritious meal for someone else?

Food is one major reason I think putting Ethan in daycare is better. At Red Apple, food is served according to the standard of the Department of Education. Nothing is more important than a healthy body.

As for a sound mind, that's the torment. Ethan is spoiled. He manuvers those he loves with crying. Nobody likes a crying kid and all instinct tell us to do everything to stop a crying kid from suffering. Well, even though I have had two years of experience with discerning what is a real cry from a fake one, there are times when I really wonder if Ethan is really suffering when he cries. Pain somewhere? May be some sort of discomfort? More and more, I am concluding that he is just trying to get immediate attention from an adult. So the fact is clear. Ethan needs to leave the "all" loving home environment and get into a more social environment where he is not the center of all existence. At the same time, the fact that he still attempts to bite when he gets frustrated gets me worried. Will the teachers get upset at his crying episodes so bad that they say bad things to him in his face or even put him at a corner all day? Will he be emotionally damaged? Will he learn to conform to group behavior too much that he loses individuality? Ethan is a happy kid with a beautiful and innocent laugh when he is happy. I will never want to see that disappear. Then again, with biting, there is always the potential of being sued. Who wants their kid bitten? As the mother of a biter, I must honestly say that I see no other option but to put him in school because Ethan needs to be away from all the culprit- perhaps me included - who somehow let him express his frustrations this way. Then there were mothers who told me that biting and hiting is more normal than I think. Perhaps. Aside from the behavior issue that I want Ethan to change, I think he will also learn things from being in school that he will not learn at home.

So the decision has been made. Nonetheless, there is still a part of me that is not feeling easy. I guess all change is difficult. I can only hope for the best.

JW

A Loving Marriage

I always wonder whatever happened to the romance . . . the tenderness and connection . . . between my parents, or that of JK's parents. It always saddens me and JK whenever we think that we are losing the connection that brought so much joy to our hearts.

Last weekend, we entertained my father's cousin K from Australia. He is a successful dentist in Australia with six kids and, of course, a beautiful wife A. During the two days that we were together, we got to talk a bit in the midst of the walk around Manhattan. His very beautiful wife A said none of their kids were planned, and they were close in age. They came to visit Disney World and New York City with their three younger kids ages 10, 11, and 15. So, I thought, that's a lot of work and not much time for themselves. Well, they apparently made time and shared in the tasks as they both were talking very fondly of those days when they had to change diapers six times. K even said he had to buy diapers continuously for 12 years. When asked how they managed all the kids, he said, "Just don't think about it and just do it." I remember hearing this same answer from my jewish neighbors who all have at least four kids. During the walk around Manhattan, I noticed they were holding hands whenever they had a chance. At one point, when we were all in a crowded train, Ken even held her close like what I would see young dating couples do. They always communicated with the sweetest of tones.

So JK and I were inspired. One difference between K and my Dad is that K is a professional who earned enough to support a stay-at-home mom and six kids, plus hired a nanny to help with the kids and clean around the house. My dad was hard working but earned enough only to pay the rent and a bit more. My mother always had to work. This is the common story of most of my friend's parents. It is interesting that we are couples with K's qualifications but somehow, like most of my girlfriends, I am not the stay-at-home mom but work full-time. Needless to say, I struggle with the lack of time for the kids. We try our best on the weekends. However, I wonder, just wonder, even if we can make up for the kids, can we overcome the lack of time for the marraige?! Perhaps, this is the challenge!

JW

"Mum Mum" is History

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I last reported on the adventure of our parenthood! Well, the best news is that one morning two weeks ago, naughty Ethan threw his pacifier into the toilet and Daddy found out the hard way. The rest of the day, which happened to have been a Sunday, Daddy was busy trying to unclot the toilet and Ethan watched the whole thing because he was anxious to get his pacifier back. That of course, never happened because as soon as JK fished it out, we happily tossed it into the garbage can. My MIL made the best suggestion ever - just tell Ethan the pacifier was never found. So that's what we did and Ethan took full responsibility. Everytime I said it's gone because he threw it into the toilet, he would point to the direction of the bathroom, saying "Mum Mum Tsi Saw," meaning "pacifier bathroom". Now, when I ask him to sleep, he would even close his eyes and try to sleep. Since that eventful Sunday, Ethan is talking more and his vocabulary increased tenfold. I don't know if it's a coincidence because at 2 years of age, kids learn to speak in lightning speed. His breath also smells better. What can I say?! JK and I are just exhilarated!

Yesterday night, for the first time, Ethan kissed us with his lips. JK reported that last night, as he was walking home after parking the car, he picked Ethan up and casually asked him in Chinese if he kisses Daddy, which although the word is "kiss" the meaning is really "love". Ethan said yes in his loud high pitch toddler voice and kissed Daddy on the cheek. JK was soooo happy that I can't find the word to express for him. JK was still talking about it this morning. When Ethan was asked the same question by me, he came to me and kissed me on the cheek with that loud kissing sound I had taught him. The joy was inexplicable! JK and I are still living the "high" from this milestone Ethan made - finally, he has learned to make other people happy by giving back.

Ethan also showed emotions of missing his other friends, like Gwen Gwen and Kalie, who are both his age and who he loves to hug . . . and kiss if he can get close enough.

So, we are proud parents of a boy now!

JW

Terrible Twos

We thought we were already dealing with the terrible twos ... G wizz we were wrong. Last night, Ethan gave us a real taste of it. From the moment I got home at 7:00 p.m., he was in his shoes with his metro card in hand saying, "dob ba si", which meant to take the bus. I was tired from walking the approximate one mile home and couldn't wait to get into comfortable clothes. Not to mention eat my dinner. I asked if we could have dinner first, watch Curious George, then if he still wants to we could go out. Ethan pointed to the door with metrocard in hand, saying, "dob ba si". I said I was hungry. He comes close to me and then as soon as I have my hands on him, he threw himself on the floor and started wailing. I almost couldn't catch him. I told him that it was time for dinner. Noop. That did not stop him. He screams from the top of his lungs, still managed to squeeze in, "dob ba si". I put him on the floor and told him to let it out, and when he is done he should join us for dinner. He must have reached the peak of his wailing. I thought my heardrums were about to pop. JK was speechless. We just ate in silence 'cause we couldn't even hear each other talk. We pretty much decided he was not going to win this one.

...then of course, after half an hour of pure noise pollution, and we couldn't even hear our own thoughts, I told JK to take him out for a walk. Ethan stopped his wailing immediately and brought over to JK his shoes. Then as they were exiting the apartment, Ethan turned to me and said "sub ray". I thought, "sorry"? I was so happy I couldn't help but say, "I always love you." Ten minutes later, they were back and Ethan was cheerful. When asked to take off his shoes, he refused and started wailing again. Gee Weez, what is going on? JK told me his mother told Ethan that we would take him on the bus when we get home. Great, just great! I told JK we should not lie to Ethan and that he should take Ethan on the bus to his mom. So they left, Ethan happily, again. About an hour later, they came back. Ethan was in his happy singing self until he was asked to take off his shoes again. He refused and said, "dub sub ray". Then it dawned on me that he didn't say sorry earlier. He said "subway" and now he wants to take the subway. I felt deceived and disappointed that he didn't apologize to me earlier. JK said no subway. I walked over and explained to him that it's dark outside and people sleep at night, not take the subway. Ethan literally threw himself on the floor, still with his metrocard in hand, and started wailing. Please picture this. His face was really in pain with real tears that dropped like a rainstorm. For added effects, Ethan knocks his head on the floor as soon as I make eye contact with him. This time, we decided it was time to let him cry. But just in case, JK looked up in our reference guide to see about this behavior. As it turned out, it was very normal that toddlers act out like this because they don't know how else to communicate their strong desire. Granted, it is true that for some of the things he wanted to do, we actively encouraged him with many praises. How would he know that for other things, like taking a bus or subway, we would discourage to the point of forbiddening him? So JK and I carried on our evening doing our own things. About 45 minutes after Ethan started his wailing, JK went and picked him up. Ethan was exhausted and initiated putting his metro card away. JK took off his shoes, changed him into his pajamas. I changed his diaper and proceeded to read two of his favorite books. JK warmed up his milk. Half way through the book, he didn't point to the monkey or the number or make a hand gesture that he was talking on the phone. I looked down and his eyes were closed. JK fed a limp Ethan his 8 ounces of milk and we put him on the bed. That was the end of our first battle. Not sure if we won the war but we sure did win this battle.

JW

Two Year Check Up

I thought it would be a nightmare taking Ethan to the doctor on my own. But he proved me wrong. He just sat in his carseat looking out the window the whole time I drove to and from his doctor. He only asked to be carried when he saw that we were heading into the doctor's building. Ethan was not clingyi, which was normal. I told him to play with all those truck toys in the play area but he wasn't comfortable. I guess he was having a little anxiety. So I played with him. He was amazingly attentive. When a 16 month old girl arrived, he even tried to lure her to play with him. Nonetheless, when his name was called, he stood at the doorway reluctant to enter the examination room. Well, still, other than crying from the top of his lungs, 'cause he did get two shots, he didn't kick or throw himself around. Thank God 'cause I wouldn't have had enough strength to hold down this 30 lb kid. Yes, his weight is 75 percentile and his height is still between 75 and 90 percentile. This is certainly in keeping with his past record - he is a 75 percentile kid. His sister Artimus is a 50 percentile baby. The doctor pronounced him healthy and I left happily holding his little, but not so little anymore, hand.

JW

Longing to be Home

The thought has been growing in my mind for the last two weeks. Everytime I thinking about Ethan and Artimus, their big brown eyes just pop into my head -Ethan with that "I want to be with you every moment" look and Artimus with that big happy laugh. Working part-time is an option at my job. I ruled out working part-time initially because I really want to feel as little financial strain as possible even with the huge mortgage we have now. However, I am really missing out on their extraordinary moments like Ethan's first word and soon to come first sentence, and Artimus first crawl or first steps. The problem is, even if we are willing to be very tight financially for a year, we really couldn't then pay someone 3 days a week and then I am home two days a week. And I won't let a 60 something woman take care of an infant and an active toddler all by herself for a whole day. I truly want to spend more time at home with Ethan, to play, sing, dance, read, and draw with him. The nannies are not doing that because they each only had one child and I don't think they had the time to be with their child at that time. So they have absolutely no instinct when it comes to playing, singing, dancing, reading, or drawing with a child. They just want to do our house work. So perhaps that's what we'll have them do, and make our dinner so when we get home we can focus on playing with Ethan and Diane. Why kept asking them to read to Ethan or take him out? My heart still longs to be home with them but if I stop the current arrangement, I can't quite reverse the process. I miss them so much during the day.

JW

Ethan is Two

We celebrated Ethan's big two yesterday. He was happy just being able to play in the playroom and be surrounded by so many little friends. I don't think he realized what we were telling him all week, that he was turning two, until everyone started singing happy birthday! He never got so much attention before and he was quite thrilled and a little stunned. As a mother, I was so proud that he is now a healthy and happy toddler. Can't believe it's been two years since that eventful day of labor. I could still feel every beat of that whole day unfolding with him arriving into this world. Ethan now is a boy with an outgoing personality, fun loving, and just full of obsessions. He loves girls, his size or bigger. He loves to sing and dance, as all our friends saw at Pang and Kity's wedding in Bermuda when he refused to leave the dance floor. Uncle Kam bought him a kiddy battery powered electric guitar with a microphone for his big two. As soon as Daddy got the whole gig set up, he was playing the guitar and singing like a rock star with a jazzy inclination. Just the way mommy likes it. He still craves to take the bus, but I had to put a stop to the nanny taking him on the bus two times a day all around town. He also loves the water . . . I mean crazy about the water. In a purely innocent way, his craziness about the world around him is so wonderful to watch. I am so happy we could experience it together!

Now, the plan is to toilet train this two year old so he can be ready for school.

JW

Biking and Biting

I joined the Lower East Side parent's forum back in May when it got started. Yesterday, I went to the Mom's night out and met some of the mothers on the forum. It was wonderful to talk about Ethan and all the issues I thought he has. I am told by mothers of boys that it's completely normal for him to want to bite more than he want to hit, even though both are not good behavior. I got some ideas on how to start addressing the biting issue differently . . . Ethan really doesn't bite these days unless he is extreme frustrated either upon the sight of baby girl being cuddled or he was being stopped from doing something he wanted to do. I am also rethinking homecare versus daycare. Perhaps Ethan needs more structured learning and socialization than we realize.

Aside from the same biting issue, Ethan is really growing up to be a healthy active little boy. Just two weeks ago, he started to manipulate his tricycle so well that he can roll it backward and forward without hitting anything in the path. He was specifically talented in getting through the narrow hallway with its twists and turns in the apartment without hitting the walls. I was stunned . . . Omm did I miss something in between? I remember having to guide him with the string attached to the tricycle just days ago! Not only can he understands commands and what I was telling him, Ethan now can repeat after me if he hears something he wanted to say. He also loves to read and would take off his pacifier in exchange for reading time with mommy or daddy. Yup, we are still struggling with him about the pacifier at night. He still doesn't know his ABCs or numbers but we just got him some concept cards, which he really loved. Still wondering if I should buy those Chinese flash cards since the nannies could teach him those.

Baby girl is just adorable. She started to blow her lips to create sound and to play with her saliva. There were times when I went to check on her and find her face wet with spatters of her own saliva. Of course, when I tried to record it with the camera, she doesn't do it! Oh, another interesting thing is that she can care less for the jumperoo but she loves the exercelsor. Ethan was just the opposite. Oh, I miss the days when Ethan was just jumping and yelling on the jumperoo!

JW
P.S. JK realized how critical I was to a peaceful night!

Nursing

It's rewarding and all, but it's mentally exhausting to have to keep up the discipline of regular pumping while at work. Most people don't understand what is going on behind closed door and I think my career suffers as a consequence. I have this nagging feeling that people do talk about the frequent closed door . . . the look, the sudden silence upon my entrance etc. Not that I really care because I have a right to do so and I am getting my work done. It is really more about my mental energy to keep it up. I much rather nurse baby girl directly. At least there is a connection and I can enjoy every aspect of her cuteness from the bright eyes to chubby fingers as she grows in extraordinary speed looking different every week. So here I am, loving the fact that I am still nursing but feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I just know that everyday that I am lazy I am decreasing my supply and setting the path to weaning her. There is just not enough time in the day to work, to nurse, to take care of Ethan and to do something for myself like reading a magazine, let alone the idea of pumping one more time to keep up the supply. I guess the only time is when they are all sleeping, like now, at 3:00 am in the morning. My creative mind that keeps me alive is dying because there is no time or mental energy to exercise it. I wonder if this is how most young mothers feel?!

JW

Everybody Needs Some Fun

Last Friday, I was off, JK took a day off, and we rode our bikes up and down the East River Park from where we live to Battery Park City, and back up to 23rd Street where JK was happily leading me to the public pool for a swim. We didn't end up swimming because I was ill prepared, but the bike ride was truly the perfect date. Beautiful weather, nice breeze, and great company. I felt like we were riding down 34th Avenue in Jackson Heights again, before the kids came along. Except better because we didn't need to stop at all. The greeneries and river were also right next to us. Our move out to Manhattan was definitely one of the best decision we made together. After a refreshing shower, we again kissed the kids good-bye, leaving them with grandma and their grandaunt. From there, we went grocery shopping holding hands rather than holding on to the kids or stroller. That felt wonderful. Mmmm, can't wait to do this again.

JW

Sleeping Dilemma

There is no word to describe how I feel as a mother when my son is waking up every hour or two in the dead of night. He is not getting sleep, JK is not getting sleep, and I am not getting sleep. That makes a whole cranky family. As to babygirl, she can't sleep or stay asleep unless I am next to her so now I have no personal time to dream of. Mentally, I am so exhausted that I can't keep up with what babygirl is suppose to be capable of at five months or what Ethan is at 23 months. I don't even know what Ethan's favorite food is anymore because he is losing appetite. I can't help but think that it's because he doesn't have enough sleep. Should I start training babygirl to sleep on her own again so may be then I have time to train Ethan? I have come to realize that mothers have to do the real job. Daddys are punch bags for kids. They can't withstand any battles where the other side's weapon is tears. Or may be that's just my husband.

JW

Reviewing the Need

The whole crying-out training had taken a different turn last Friday. For some reason, she woke up after just half an hour and started crying in a very different, more desperate, tone. She sounded scared. So I took her back to my bed and held her securely in my arms, belly to belly. She calmly fell back asleep. The next night, she cried as soon as I put her in the crib and I guess I put her in the crib with the lights on so I saw the sadness on her face. That just doesn't work for me . . . you know what next.

Last night, we were both hot and sticky because we went fruit and vegetable picking. Oh, that was fun but I'll share with pictures. Anyway, I couldn't even nurse her I was so uncomfortable. After I bath her, fed her 4 ozs of formula, burped her, and turned off the lights, I put her in her crib. Sadly, she reacted instantly with wailing and kicking. I picked her up. After another 10 minutes of holding her, I let her down in the crib again. This time, I went to take a shower, hoping she would have stopped crying by the time I am done. Well, I walked out of a relaxing shower to her out-of-breath and choking type crying. My anxiety level just peaked. JK asked if may be we don't have to do this but just keep doing what seemed perfectly fine even though we only half-sleep with the kids on the same bed. I said fine, go pick her up from the crib. When JK walked over to me with babygirl, her eyes were tearful, face red, with hair drained in her sweat. I asked to take her from his arms, with my arms open to her. She turned away. I went to the other side and asked again, she turned away again, crying. Can you imagine how my heart just sank? This little being has feelings and she was hurt. So no more. A few years, that's all! So why not? Her feelings is paramount and I will not leave her in the dark again. If she is anything like me, I am afraid of the dark. Yup.

JW

Not Giving UP

I had not given up my decision to train baby girl to sleep in the crib. I failed on first try and even the second try, but I went back to the crib yesterday, the third day. It's hard for all mothers to hear their babies cry hard and loud just so that they can be in the mother's arms . . . when picking them up and cuddling with them is sooooo easy. Yesterday night, after I fed Artimus 4 ozs of formula, I stood by the crib with my hand on her chest singing "You Are the Song Singing in My Heart" as I always did when putting her to sleep. Artimus was quiet but uneasy. She must have flopped from one side to the other ten billion times, and made many revolutions, trying to sleep. (Her attempt to sleep is so cute even in the dark.) This lasted an hour until Ethan came into the room crying non-stop for or about something. JK didn't take Ethan out and I was just speechless. I left and baby girl started crying, which quickly escalated into screaming from the top of her lungs. There was nothing I wanted to do more than to go in and hold her in my arms. But I reminded myself that I must do this like I do everything else - which is to do my best to succeed. So I kept myself busy. After half an hour of crying, and Ethan had left her bedroom, there was dead silence. I was exhilarated. Indeed, she slept and she slept until 2:30 am when I stupidly went over to check on her and she spotted me. Oh well, that's okay. It was already more than five hours after she sleep, which meant she already "slept through the night." I put her on my bed, nursed her and we fell asleep in each other's embrace. I guess I have to train myself to stop wanting to sleep with her as well. That will be tonight.

JW

Giving Crying-It-Out a Try

Sometimes I think Ethan is the poster child for how-to-destroy-child by-co-sleeping. Other times, I enjoy the bond that comes with co-sleeping. Basically, Ethan could not sleep unless he is seriously helped, and he wakes up easily, with a temper because he did not get enough sleep. On average, he sleeps 8 hours at night and about 1 to 2 hour nap in the afternoon. That's not enough for a 22 month old.

As you can imagine, I had been thinking about putting baby girl to sleep in the crib on her own. The nannies in the neighborhood tells me that if the child sleeps on his/her own, the child usually sleeps longer, like up to 12 hours straight. I also know friends who have children who sleeps that long on their own in a crib.

So tonight, after nursing, I gave myself no more excuse to postpone the inevitable. Artimus landed in the crib, smiling as usual. After an unusually long 10 minutes, she started crying . . . louder and louder . . . then some coughing, then a brief silence followed by a high pitch scream and more desperate crying. The seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. I could just see her face with all the tears stream out of her eyes, and her arms swing and her legs kicking. I cried too. After about half an hour, JK and I decided that perhaps our kids are just born to need co-sleeping.

JW

Addictive Habits

Many moons ago, JK and I decided that we don't mind sleeping with Ethan. Then there were many moons ago that we also decided that it's time to train him to sleep on his own. Those determinations were normally curtailed when Ethan comes down with some sort of illness, which always happened when we were in the mist of training him to sleep on his own. When Artimus was born, JK was thrown the responsibility of taking care of Ethan because my hands were full with Artimus. JK found that Ethan would calm down and sleep when put in the backpack todler carrier. Guess what, Ethan now expects to fall asleep in that carrier. Then there is the pacifier. Ethan has this big smile on his face when he sees his pacifier, probably the same expression you see when a cocaine addict sees the cocaine. These days, we experience the worst of these habits.

First, with Ethan, JK gets no sleep because Ethan still wakes up in the middle of the night asking for milk. Hah, I told JK to start weaning him but he had always found it easier just to give him the milk.

As with the pacifier, we had successfully limited the pacifier to sleep time only . . . until Ethan learned that messy Daddy always forgets to put the pacifier away. So open access meant more addiction. Last night, Daddy found a pacifier and while walking it to the kitchen, Ethan saw it. Ah, the show began. Ethan wanted it. Daddy said no, only for sleeping. Ethan wanted it. Daddy put it on the kitchen counter, too high for Ethan to reach. Ethan threw himself onto the floor and started crying/wailing/screaming from the top of his lungs. Daddy stared at Ethan, speechless. Ethan cried louder. Daddy went to bedroom where mommy and baby girl were, asking, "What do you think I should do?" Daddy loved to debate over any proposed method, so I just said, "I don't know. You figure it out." Daddy looked helpless, walked out. I heard Ethan ran into the other bedroom where Daddy went, continued to scream from the top of his lungs in desperation for the "mum mum". Daddy walked into mommy and baby girl's room. Ethan came running into the room and threw himself at my legs, falling to the ground and half underneath the bed. Oh, my heart felt like it just got slashed open and blood began to flow out. I picked him up and held him tight, softly reminding him, "Mum mum is for sleeping only. You will get it when you sleep. No mum mum otherwise." Ethan looked at me in his teary eyes, "mum mum." "Mum mum is for sleeping only," I repeated. I guess he being uncertain . . or unyielding, Ethan repeated, "mum mum." Daddy walked in, looking really guilty and in pain, took Ethan from my arms and said, "What should I do now?" Well, I suggested the art of distraction and it worked.

Then, bedtime came and went. That is, Ethan refused to sleep. We gave him the pacifier at 8:30 pm but at 11:30 he still wants to read a book or just hang out in the living room. JK wanted to wait for Ethan to crash on his own so he can slowly stop Ethan from relying on the backpack carrier to fall asleep. Well, Ethan just couldn't do it. So at almost midnight, daddy took out the backpack carrier and Ethan fell asleep almost instantly. Talk about addiction!

So, what are we to do? The plans are formulating in my head. The only question is whether we have the perseverance to carry them out. Now, my focus is to train Artimus to sleep on her own.

JW

Brother and Sister

It is amazing what kids can do to parents. They make you laugh heartily and drive you nuts all at the same time. Ethan drove JK jumping out of bed yestersday when Ethan cried nonstop. Yes, Ethan won again, he did not stop until JK put him in the back carrier. That's the only why Ethan would sleep at night. Since Ethan is sick, JK gave up after a half hour or so and gave in.

For me, the most heartfelt moment now is when I see Ethan looking for his sister, with his palms up and arms to his side asking, "Mui mui?" Then he runs to the swing, looks on my bed, and then looks to the sofas. When he finds her, he holds her hand, then lowers his head slowly to put his cheeks to her lips for a kiss. Baby girl just looks at him and continues looking around in her nonchalant way. So it looks like they will keep each other company when they get older. May be then, JK and I will have our lives back.

JW

Strawberry Fields

Today is Ethan's 21st month birthday. He is sick with a cold and low fever. It's also Samantha's first birthday party, which we had looked forward to going for a week because that's when Ethan gets to meet all his friends. But at the last moment, after he threw up, we decided that it's best not to get his little friends sick too. However, staying home would not going to make him feel better. He would have just drive us crazy with his high energy and lots of sneezing. So we decided to take him to the farm for some strawberry pickings. We thought that may show him where fruits and vegetables come from.

The car ride there was great. Ethan and baby girl fell asleep in the car almost immediately. That was a good one and a half hour ride in peace and they got their afternoon nap. Then when we got to Lee Turkey Farm, baby girl continued to sleep the whole time while Ethan and the grown ups just picked away. We picked snow peas and sweet peas. Then we proceeded to pick strawberries. Ethan loved picking the peas but the strawberries were not his favorite. The strawberries were hard to find and today was a very hot day. So he played with auntie Becky's green umbrella instead while Daddy and auntie Becky picked away. The umbrella interested him more as he discovered that holding on to it was quite a task when there was wind. But Ethan managed to have fell on the strawberries only once. By the time Daddy, auntie Becky and mommy picked about six pounds of strawberries, we were ready to melt under the sun. We were only there for about an hour. We couldn't imagine how the Mexican workers do it more than 8 hours a day bending down in that position under the hot sun.

Ethan was knocked out as soon as we got on the road again. Baby girl was baby-talking the whole way with aunt Becky. Becky couldn't believe how talkative she is. So all in all, we had a good day. Ethan got to sleep a lot and perhaps learned a little. And we got some good pictures for memories sake. Now, we just hope Ethan gets better soon and baby girl doesn't get that long of a cold from her brother. She already got a low fever.

Hope our friends had a good day too.

JW

Everything is Going Well Except . . .

Baby girl is a happy jolly little being who laughs when she wakes up in the morning and laughs even more when she gets your attention. She is also adjusting to my being away from her for most of her waking hours. So it's just a joy to think about her and to be with her at night when I know she was happy during the day. Baby boy is also adjusting well to his new nannies. He just loves to play and anytime I can spend with him after putting baby girl to sleep, I play with him. He then refuses to sleep without me, which melts my heart. I love this active playful boy! This morning, he purposely picked up a clean bottle on the kitchen countertop in front of me and then put two quarters in it from the floor, which he knows annoys the hell out of me because it's dirty. He then ran out the kitchen, looked back with that little smile of his expecting me to trace after him for it. I would love to but I was really not in the mood. This is why.

How would you feel if you got home after a long day of work and see that all your living room furnitures are flushed against the walls. The room felt so big that I cannot imagine having a conversation without screaming unless one is standing in front of the one sitting on the coach. Imagine, I have two coaches and they are pretty far apart. The dining table and chairs are render useless because it's completely inaccessible. Ethan's toys are all flushed underneath the window. Who is going to clean his toys everyday that no doubt will collect all the dust from the outside? Not the MIL since she is the last person on earth who sees any dirt, mess, or grease. This is no joke. There is not a bit of housekeeping instinct in her. And artistic taste in furniture arrangements? God help me! She had voiced to me how she wanted my living room furnitures arranged when we first purchased the coaches and TV video cabinet. I told her outright that I liked the way I arranged the pieces, and that it's comfortable. When Ethan started running around the couch that's in the center of the living room, she didn't like it. I didn't care. Then Ethan started climbing on it. She told me it's better feng Shui to have the coach flushed against the wall, and that Ethan is going to get hurt if I don't do that. I said no. I simply told Ethan not to climb on the back of the sofa. Ethan stops when I tell him. My MIL has no ability to stop Ethan. I wonder why. I think she simply wanted to use this as an excuse to rearrange the furnitures the way she wants to do it.

I was very disoriented and upset when I first got home. Then I realized my MIL and the nannies are in the apartment most of their waking hours, and the kids are going to be little for only a little longer, I shouldn't take this too seriously. Then as the night went on, I really felt uncomfortable in my own home. It felt empty . . . unwelcoming . . . barren . . . and I was not in my element and not in control of my life. My home is suppose to make me feel relaxed but I don't. The thing is, this weekend JK and I were just thinking about how to rearrange the furnitures so that the caretakers will feel comfortable. We couldn't come up with a new arrangement. So I did consider their needs. The fact is, their idea of a comfortable home is very different from mine. I need to feel my home is beautiful and artistic, that everything has a place. Random placement of furnitures is not me. When I tried to express my discomfort to JK, he turned a deaf ear, as it's the case anytime I talked about disagreements involving his mother. So what next? I want to let it go because my kids come first. But the last time I let things go with my MIL taking over was when she insisted that I did not have enough milk and Ethan needs to eat, so Ethan was barely breastfed. The last time I "let it go" was because my relationship with JK was paramount, and the relationship got worse because his mother just didn't know when to stop taking over. Do I let it go now? Or do I nip it at the bud?

JW