When is death tragic?
Death is tragic when it's unnatural. Today, a close friend who was only 37, passed away after a sudden yet major stroke. (She is on life support but her wishes was to be off of it. Her family needs just a little more time for closure.) She left behind two children, 3 and 6 (and her husband, parents, siblings, nieces etc),
There is a lot of memories of her. Most of them now involve her children. Her children was her life. I will soon begin to realize she is no longer around. Until then, my defense mechanism kicks in and wonder how life can go on for her husband and two kids. I also realize that life is fragile and I must finish writing my living will. I do not want my family to have to deal with wondering how I want things done while still grieving their loss. So to all my friends out there, please write a will, for yourself and most importantly for your loved ones. Anything can happen and we want to make sure those we love know that we love them enough to walk them through the most difficult time.
-JW
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Mama is Confused
It's the fifth year that I have been struggling with where Ethan should be sleeping, with the last two years being at war to put him to sleep in his own bed. Today, at the dentist, I realized he really could sleep in his own bed, except for my weakness. Poor Ethan had an infection discovered by his dentist on a regular visit. The x-ray showed that the best thing to do is extraction. So Ethan was totally taken by surprise. I could understand the pain and anger. It appears from the dentist that he was more difficult than most, and he screamed at the expectation of pain, as if he was in pain. That made it even more difficult to decipher whether he needed more "sleeping drugs" for his mouth. At one point, he was so mad that he pulled my hand over and gestured that he wanted to bite me. I was really upset. After all was done, and the dentist stepped out, I explained to him that either we have more problems with all the surrounding teeth or pull just the bad one out once and for all. Ethan seemed to have understood that, because mommy had sat with him on three baby root canal over the summer, and many fillings before that. I am more sick of the dentist and the dental bill than him. When we left, he even said thank you to the dentist on his own initiative.
This whole dental experience had led me to wonder whether I was just too soft for Ethan. There are a lot of things he does not like, including getting dental work and sleeping in his own bed by himself. The dentist got it done, and Ethan said thank you. Perhaps gift incentives and the happy face chart need to be revived. A game plan needs to be in place. I would love to keep Ethan in my bed but he needs to be tougher. Ethan needs to learn resilience - to bounce back emotionally on his own, after knowing and accepting that sleeping on his own is important because he will have to deal with all the craziness of life on his own without succumbing to fears and running to mommy and daddy whenever he encounters unpleasant experiences. I hope I am on the right track in the way I think. I don't want to pamper him, or Artimus. The world is not so loving and forgiving. It's my job to prepare them. Wish me luck, once again. I hope Ethan will thank me when he is older.
It's the fifth year that I have been struggling with where Ethan should be sleeping, with the last two years being at war to put him to sleep in his own bed. Today, at the dentist, I realized he really could sleep in his own bed, except for my weakness. Poor Ethan had an infection discovered by his dentist on a regular visit. The x-ray showed that the best thing to do is extraction. So Ethan was totally taken by surprise. I could understand the pain and anger. It appears from the dentist that he was more difficult than most, and he screamed at the expectation of pain, as if he was in pain. That made it even more difficult to decipher whether he needed more "sleeping drugs" for his mouth. At one point, he was so mad that he pulled my hand over and gestured that he wanted to bite me. I was really upset. After all was done, and the dentist stepped out, I explained to him that either we have more problems with all the surrounding teeth or pull just the bad one out once and for all. Ethan seemed to have understood that, because mommy had sat with him on three baby root canal over the summer, and many fillings before that. I am more sick of the dentist and the dental bill than him. When we left, he even said thank you to the dentist on his own initiative.
This whole dental experience had led me to wonder whether I was just too soft for Ethan. There are a lot of things he does not like, including getting dental work and sleeping in his own bed by himself. The dentist got it done, and Ethan said thank you. Perhaps gift incentives and the happy face chart need to be revived. A game plan needs to be in place. I would love to keep Ethan in my bed but he needs to be tougher. Ethan needs to learn resilience - to bounce back emotionally on his own, after knowing and accepting that sleeping on his own is important because he will have to deal with all the craziness of life on his own without succumbing to fears and running to mommy and daddy whenever he encounters unpleasant experiences. I hope I am on the right track in the way I think. I don't want to pamper him, or Artimus. The world is not so loving and forgiving. It's my job to prepare them. Wish me luck, once again. I hope Ethan will thank me when he is older.
Friday, October 08, 2010
Too Much Love?
It's hard to know why some kids can sleep on their own and why some just cling on to the parent's bed. After one whole year of relentless fighting with Ethan, I succumbed to his need to sleep more. He was sleeping between 7 to 9 hours a day, and he was very unpleasant to be around. He was also beginning to use other ways to get me to sleep with him. Most recently, he said to me, "If you don't sleep with me, I am taking you out of my heart." At first I was really upset. Then I realized he learned that this had the most impact so he kept on saying it. He also cried from his heart when I insisted that he needs to sleep in his own bed because he is a big boy. Is all the aggravation healthy for him and his relationship with me? This past week, I slept with them every night. He slept through the night and he woke up refreshed and happy. Is this too much love for Ethan and Artimus? I also realized that Artimus cries in the middle of the night from bad dreams. It happened last night. I hope this is not chronic. I held her tight and kissed her until she fell back asleep. They are so cute to sleep with. I think we really only needed a full size bed, not a king size.
On the nights I have them, I would naturally fall asleep with them. The kiddies are so exhausting. On nights like tonight, the apartment seems so big and empty. I also need some noise. I miss their ever incessant voices and laughter, their discovery of yet one more ways of playing the same innocuous toys. Their curiosity and love for adventure never fail to uplift my spirit. When someone said to me today that she does not like children, I could not relate. I could only hope that she'll have the chance to experience the joy of parenthood.
Hope all my readers/friends are doing well.
-JW
It's hard to know why some kids can sleep on their own and why some just cling on to the parent's bed. After one whole year of relentless fighting with Ethan, I succumbed to his need to sleep more. He was sleeping between 7 to 9 hours a day, and he was very unpleasant to be around. He was also beginning to use other ways to get me to sleep with him. Most recently, he said to me, "If you don't sleep with me, I am taking you out of my heart." At first I was really upset. Then I realized he learned that this had the most impact so he kept on saying it. He also cried from his heart when I insisted that he needs to sleep in his own bed because he is a big boy. Is all the aggravation healthy for him and his relationship with me? This past week, I slept with them every night. He slept through the night and he woke up refreshed and happy. Is this too much love for Ethan and Artimus? I also realized that Artimus cries in the middle of the night from bad dreams. It happened last night. I hope this is not chronic. I held her tight and kissed her until she fell back asleep. They are so cute to sleep with. I think we really only needed a full size bed, not a king size.
On the nights I have them, I would naturally fall asleep with them. The kiddies are so exhausting. On nights like tonight, the apartment seems so big and empty. I also need some noise. I miss their ever incessant voices and laughter, their discovery of yet one more ways of playing the same innocuous toys. Their curiosity and love for adventure never fail to uplift my spirit. When someone said to me today that she does not like children, I could not relate. I could only hope that she'll have the chance to experience the joy of parenthood.
Hope all my readers/friends are doing well.
-JW
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