Everything is Going Well Except . . .

Baby girl is a happy jolly little being who laughs when she wakes up in the morning and laughs even more when she gets your attention. She is also adjusting to my being away from her for most of her waking hours. So it's just a joy to think about her and to be with her at night when I know she was happy during the day. Baby boy is also adjusting well to his new nannies. He just loves to play and anytime I can spend with him after putting baby girl to sleep, I play with him. He then refuses to sleep without me, which melts my heart. I love this active playful boy! This morning, he purposely picked up a clean bottle on the kitchen countertop in front of me and then put two quarters in it from the floor, which he knows annoys the hell out of me because it's dirty. He then ran out the kitchen, looked back with that little smile of his expecting me to trace after him for it. I would love to but I was really not in the mood. This is why.

How would you feel if you got home after a long day of work and see that all your living room furnitures are flushed against the walls. The room felt so big that I cannot imagine having a conversation without screaming unless one is standing in front of the one sitting on the coach. Imagine, I have two coaches and they are pretty far apart. The dining table and chairs are render useless because it's completely inaccessible. Ethan's toys are all flushed underneath the window. Who is going to clean his toys everyday that no doubt will collect all the dust from the outside? Not the MIL since she is the last person on earth who sees any dirt, mess, or grease. This is no joke. There is not a bit of housekeeping instinct in her. And artistic taste in furniture arrangements? God help me! She had voiced to me how she wanted my living room furnitures arranged when we first purchased the coaches and TV video cabinet. I told her outright that I liked the way I arranged the pieces, and that it's comfortable. When Ethan started running around the couch that's in the center of the living room, she didn't like it. I didn't care. Then Ethan started climbing on it. She told me it's better feng Shui to have the coach flushed against the wall, and that Ethan is going to get hurt if I don't do that. I said no. I simply told Ethan not to climb on the back of the sofa. Ethan stops when I tell him. My MIL has no ability to stop Ethan. I wonder why. I think she simply wanted to use this as an excuse to rearrange the furnitures the way she wants to do it.

I was very disoriented and upset when I first got home. Then I realized my MIL and the nannies are in the apartment most of their waking hours, and the kids are going to be little for only a little longer, I shouldn't take this too seriously. Then as the night went on, I really felt uncomfortable in my own home. It felt empty . . . unwelcoming . . . barren . . . and I was not in my element and not in control of my life. My home is suppose to make me feel relaxed but I don't. The thing is, this weekend JK and I were just thinking about how to rearrange the furnitures so that the caretakers will feel comfortable. We couldn't come up with a new arrangement. So I did consider their needs. The fact is, their idea of a comfortable home is very different from mine. I need to feel my home is beautiful and artistic, that everything has a place. Random placement of furnitures is not me. When I tried to express my discomfort to JK, he turned a deaf ear, as it's the case anytime I talked about disagreements involving his mother. So what next? I want to let it go because my kids come first. But the last time I let things go with my MIL taking over was when she insisted that I did not have enough milk and Ethan needs to eat, so Ethan was barely breastfed. The last time I "let it go" was because my relationship with JK was paramount, and the relationship got worse because his mother just didn't know when to stop taking over. Do I let it go now? Or do I nip it at the bud?

JW