Longing to be Home

The thought has been growing in my mind for the last two weeks. Everytime I thinking about Ethan and Artimus, their big brown eyes just pop into my head -Ethan with that "I want to be with you every moment" look and Artimus with that big happy laugh. Working part-time is an option at my job. I ruled out working part-time initially because I really want to feel as little financial strain as possible even with the huge mortgage we have now. However, I am really missing out on their extraordinary moments like Ethan's first word and soon to come first sentence, and Artimus first crawl or first steps. The problem is, even if we are willing to be very tight financially for a year, we really couldn't then pay someone 3 days a week and then I am home two days a week. And I won't let a 60 something woman take care of an infant and an active toddler all by herself for a whole day. I truly want to spend more time at home with Ethan, to play, sing, dance, read, and draw with him. The nannies are not doing that because they each only had one child and I don't think they had the time to be with their child at that time. So they have absolutely no instinct when it comes to playing, singing, dancing, reading, or drawing with a child. They just want to do our house work. So perhaps that's what we'll have them do, and make our dinner so when we get home we can focus on playing with Ethan and Diane. Why kept asking them to read to Ethan or take him out? My heart still longs to be home with them but if I stop the current arrangement, I can't quite reverse the process. I miss them so much during the day.

JW