Some Thoughts

At two years and four months, Ethan is already having a hard time at life. To set the picture, Ethan bit another kid in his class about a month ago. The news came like a storm even though it was not unexpected. The parent of the victim child was unconcerned. I don't know if that was a good thing. Then the daycare wanted to meet, which I was glad about because they actually cared about their students. We came up with a plan to help Ethan improve his behavior, because according to their evaluation, Ethan is actually a very smart kid but needs to work on his aggression. So we decided we would give him big/huge/exaggerated hugs and praises whenever he does something good. We all did our part and for the weeks that followed, the teachers only fell more in love with all his helpfulness, cheerfulness and overall enthusiasm in class activities . . . until this Tuesday after a three day weekend. Well, to further put this in context, the week before the three day weekend, he was bitten twice by the kid he bit in mid-December. I was so proud that Ethan did not bite back.

You might ask, what happened over this three day weekend? I can't be sure but much was happening because we were all getting a cold for a second time, including that Artimus got an infection in both of her ears. To avoid too much drama in the middle of the night from any collatoral wakings due to anyone's waking, I asked Daddy to sleep with Ethan in another room. Other than the fight Ethan put up when we put him to bed, he slept fine. So I don't think it was solely because he was not able to sleep with Mommy when his sister could. I think it was because of Daddy. Yes, I am putting some blame on Daddy. He came home this weekend from a conversation he had with a friend he very much respected and confided in. His friend, a devoted Christian, who was not married and certainly don't have children yet, told him that it was important that Ethan be somehow taught to behave well, even if it meant hitting him. This friend further stated that from his observation of kids in his church, children tend to be happier when their parents were stricter with them. So this whole weekend Daddy was exclaiminng strong words of discipline if Ethan doesn't do this or that. Now, please note that I had always been the disciplinarian who had certain rules, like no ice-cream before dinner, we must brush our teeth before bed, and the deprivation of certain privilege if he bites, push, hits, or commits other crimes against moral turbitude for kids of his age. Daddy, on the other hand, was the one who gives up upon the sight of a tear or a tandrum Ethan had mastered. Granted, I must say Daddy's actions could sometimes really aggravates any two year olds, or anyone, since he doesn't respectfully ask before intruding with what he thinks ought to be happening. Ethan rarely throws a tandrum at me because I really try to respect his space and give him some control over what happens. One thing I try to do is to give Ethan routines which gives him some certainty as to what would happen next. Daddy is not a person of routines. Anyway, all the fuss Daddy raised over the weekend and Ethan's reactions/tandrums really drove me crazy. While Daddy went backward by trying to secure more control, Ethan is trying to assert independence and control over his existence like any two year olds. Like my neighbor said, people don't lable "terrible twos" for no reason.

This week, when the teachers reported that Ethan started picking on a kid who was always quiet, my heart just sank. All the improvements he had made over the past month just vanished.

Anyone who loves Ethan and who had spent enough time with him knows that he is a smart and vibrant kid with an aggression issue. I certainly know that Ethan needs a lot of attention and we really did not spend enough time playing with him. We were busy working, moving into our current apartment, and going through the pregnancy and birth of Artimus while Ethan was fast growing. Now that we have settled down, I felt we had missed a lot of critical time together. Although I would not say we are in a rescue mission, I know Ethan is going through a lot emotionally and intellectually. I have been reading a lot in the past few months, and had looked into counseling. In the end, I realize that it's time and attention that Ethan needs. As for Daddy's weekend behavior, he realized he was wrong in taking advice from an unmarried and childless friend on how to be a good parent.

Now, it's time to go back to the drawing board and try to bring out the best of Ethan again. This time, we have to seek JK's mother's help, like taking care of Artimus on a Saturday or Sunday while we take Ethan to the zoo or botanical garden. We are all growing, and parenthood is definitely a growing pain as well. I just hope that we don't cause that much damage to our beautiful kids in the process.

JW

Sick Again

Just when I thought we were emerging from our coughs, colds and ear infections, we are back with those pink stuff again, not to mention the boxes of Puffs and Kleenex tissues that are running out like water. The worst is to watch them all stuffed up and unable to breath confortably. Artimus, who use to always smile and laugh, is now crying over the slightest concern, like I stood up or I sat down or Ethan held her hand, etc etc etc . So I gave in to holding her more. Then, as you can imagine, Ethan didn't like that. So I found myself with a little 33 pound person threwing himself at me constantly, crying for love, attention, and whatever else he needed emotionally. Daddy was sick also. He was so tired from having to take care of two sick kids that he slept on the sofa for almost three hours on Saturday, admidst Ethan's crying, playing with his belly button and jumping on him. What's worst? It's really not funny . . . BUT IT IS. . . Daddy woke up and couldn't turn his neck! Well, it's now the fourth day. Hope JK's muscles are more relaxed now. In any case, we are so physically tested that nothing is exciting me at the moment. Just some more sleep would be great.

-JW

Did We Get the Flu?

The whole family has been sick since the middle of December and I am beginning to forget how it feels like to be well. Ethan was better with just a cough two days ago, and he is now back with a runny nose. I can't imagine the weather had nothing to do with it because it felt like below 10 degrees yesterday. Meanwhile, Ethan pressed on with, "no scarf . . . don't want it . . . NO." Instead of strangling him on the street, I just let him experience the cold with my incessant nagging that it's cold. The worst was probably feeling Artimus like a little hot potato by my side last night. She was congested and got a very high temperature. So naturally, she was fussy. Thank God for the beco baby carrier - she was able to fall asleep while sitting up and close to me. Unfortunately, I had to walk around in the middle of the night, half asleep and extremely tired. My own cold and sore throat felt worse, but who cares about the mother when the babies are sick?! Nevertheless, when the sun came up, the routines kept the family going - Daddy wakes up to get ready to work, then I wake up, shower, get dress while Daddy kiss everybody goodbye (or not sometimes), run to catch the bus, drop off Ethan to day care, and run to work.

I wonder when we'll all finally fight off this illness of sore throat, cough and runny nose. Meanwhile, we just want to stay away from everybody until we get better. Hopefully by Chinese New Year, we would all forget how it feels to be sick and can enjoy the festivities.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

-JW

Cruising and Talking

Artimus has finally stood up on her own last week and Ethan has finally started stringing words together to make simple sentences. Their daily development continues to marvel me. Artimus aims for the bed board as soon as I put her down on the bed. Then she has gotten so expert at pulling herself up that it only takes two to three stretches and pulls, and she is up on her own smiling and cooing. Soon, she will be taking those little steps to walking. Unlike Ethan, she will walk without ever crawl.

As for Ethan, he is a sensitive little one who hides his feelings. The other day we were all in the car, along with my mother-in-law, talking about how Ethan needs to stop hitting and trying to bite other kids when he can't get what he wants. After about ten minutes, I looked over to Ethan and he started to cry. It was then that I realized Ethan is no longer oblivious to other people's feelings and words. Yesterday, when daddy was "crying" about the splinter on his big toe, he rubbed daddy's back while saying, "It's okay, it's okay." That's what I do when he cries in the middle of the night!

Ethan is also in love with his little sister. He imitates her koos and her baby movements, and he kisses her hands and cheeks whenever he feels like it. He also kisses Artimus when she cries but of course Artimus is not very approachable when she is crying . . .

All is all, the siblings are growing up like siblings already. They like to play what the other is playing and they laugh intensely together over nothing. And of course, Ethan takes all her cheerios because he could and Artimus complains about it but could do nothing at 9 and 1/2 months . . . other than crying really loud to get the parents to intervene.

As for day-care, Ethan is adjusting but he doesn't like it. The day is just too long for him. Nonetheless, it is apparent to me that going to school has become the norm so when we don't go, he questions it.

JW

Away from Spoiling

It's Ethan's fifth day of school and he now learns that he doesn't want to go. It's true that we probably have better toys and better books at home, and a grandma he can dictate and a little sister he can attack. Best of all, he basically gets to go out to see the world two times a day. Now, gym time is only two days a week, at half an hour each time. Basically no time to stretch his all-too-active little body. The weather is getting colder so I am sure the teachers are not dressing a group of 15 and let them out to catch a cold.

Ethan doesn't put up a big fight against going to school. He just let out this under-the-breath annoying cry. After I walked him into the classroom today, the teacher held him to take off his coat, yet he held on to my hands. Then the teacher told me she finds him very needy, often asking to be held by mommy or grandma. Otherwise, I am told he is eating well, behaving well, and sleeping well.

I am not happy that I am told Ethan is a needy child. I find Ethan more manipulative than needy. Grandparents are in the business of spoiling grandkids and his are no exceptions. I am also beginning to think that Ethan's daddy is guilty of the same charge. Given that Ethan is surrounded by spoilers, may be me included, I am happy Ethan finally has to deal with the "real world". The day he is able to play with other children without getting any of them injured or crying for help, I will be a happier mother. Nothing pains me more than to have raised a needy, selfish, and uncaring boy. I don't think Ethan is such a person but the fear is that one day I may find myself one of the culprit to have created the environment for that to happen. It's no better time to change the course of events than now.

JW

First Day of School

Mornings are always horrible for me . . . and JK, because we can't use an alarm for fear we would wake up the kids prematurely and they in turn torture us with crankiness. The nights are also not easy because Ethan still wakes up kicking and screaming. This morning was just not the day to be running late since I have to drop Ethan off to school. But rush it was. Thanks to the fact that Daddy was home and Grandma helped dress him, we rushed off to catch the bus at 8:45 am. Of course, before exiting the apartment, Grandma and Daddy wanted to come drop him off to his first day of school too. Thank goodness it didn't take much to discourage them.

While on the bus, daddy called asking how our boy was doing. Daddy was practically on the phone with us until I told him we really had to get off the phone so I could give Ethan the mental prep about his first day of school, which I had been doing but I am sure Ethan paid me no mind.

When we got off the bus, he held my hands and was so good about holding on. Only when we got close to the school that he let go and walked next to me. I kept up a good spirit hoping to show him that going to school is a happy event. Well, Ethan was quick to realize something was going to be different. He refused to step inside the classroom eventhough I was already inside for 10 minutes. So I picked him up and put him in. Then he made sure he got his hands on me, the whole time staring at the teachers who were trying to get him to sit down. When the Chinese teacher touched him, he attempted to bite her. What's new? She was alarmed. I explained that Ethan's grandma was not good at stopping him from biting her and that Ethan just needed to be taught by teachers that he can't bite. Then when this Chinese teacher picked Ethan up, so I could leave, Ethan smacked her. What's new? I explained that Ethan would swing his hands to hit and bite when he is frustrated. I gave her a metrocard that has no money and told her that that's Ethan's lovey. She laughed. So I kissed Ethan goodbye as I always did and just walked away as quickly as I could so when I was tempted to look back I couldn't see him anymore.

I think a child's first day of school is difficult for everyone. For example, daddy was at the daycare by 10:00 a.m. after he learned that I forgot Ethan's water bottle. I kicked and screamed that he must be discreet and not let Ethan see him. Later I learned that daddy was escorted out by the administrator and grandma was sitting in the car outside with Artimus, waiting to see what was going to happen. I called daddy and reassured him that it's only normal that Ethan cries because he is being left with strangers - many of them for that matter, in a place he has not been to before. Daddy knew that but he just needed to hear it from someone else.

By 3:30 p.m., Ethan was picked up by daddy. Daddy reported that Ethan was sitting on a chair listening and singing with other kids when he got there. I guess Ethan survived his first day . . . like all the other kids.

JW

Head Injuries and Heartaches

Our heads are designed with quite amazing qualities. It is designed to absorb most physical shock. I am no expert in this simple concept but I am certainly a believer after seeing Ethan fell and bang his forehead - left, center, and right - so often that there is not one week in the past two months when he did not have a black and blue growth on his forehead. Still, he is active as usual. I thought that was all the heartaches until yesterday, when daddy flew off his bike over the handle bar and landed face first. The rushed morning heading out to work ended up with me rushing him to the emergency room at Bellevue Hospital. No, daddy still looks good to me . . . except the face has extra black and blue paddings and scraps. Luckily, the CAT scans showed no fractures so in a few weeks, like may be three, he will be normal looking again. Ethan may want to get close to daddy again . . . and not Frankenstein. Hey, no costumes for daddy tomorrow, just his patient covering is sufficient.

I thought the female in the family are safe until I lost grip of her in one of her newly learned kicks off the person holding her and she landed . . . head first on our wooden floor, surprise! So everyone sustained a head injury except for me. Of course, by night, after all have been hurt, my heart was left to ache, especially for baby girl, who is only 8 months. I just hope the injury was superficial and she will be as smart as she should be.

JW
My sister gave birth to a healthy little boy last Friday10/26. Best of all, God was with her in a difficult surgery. It's worth a celebration that she is alive to be a mother to all her beautiful children.

Putting Ethan In Day Care

Finally, after months of back and forth, I finally decided that it's time. There are just so many reasons to give day care a try. As the days go by, these reasons are looking more certain to outweight the reasons not to put Ethan in day care. First of all, I have tried to ignore the fact that Ethan's day time diet is beyond miserable. Congee, Congee and more congee, with bread sometimes. This is probably one of the same problem I have experienced with my MIL - indirect does not work for her but direct would yield confrontation and bad feelings. I left food in the refrigerator - buns, dumplings, frozen soy beans, fruits, cheerios, animal crackers - all of which she refused to feed Ethan. I turned to the nannies. The nannies did not want to contradict the MIL. I then noticed MIL started bringing food like sponge cakes and rice noodles with beef inside. So fine, I left it at that but continued to leave the same type of food in the refrigerator, in the hopes that she would either get bored with bringing the food or the cost would stop her at some point. Noop, she did not stop but very often she would bring a whole cart of congee for the day and Ethan would have that for breakfast, lunch and late afternoon snack. Granted, there were times when I consumed the food over the weekend but failed to recharge the refrigerator for a day or two. I heard no complaint and so that was how it went because the food would be untouched anyway. In the past month, I noticed that he would have congee at about 5:00 or 5:30 pm because he refused to eat dinner with us, the meal that would give him the most nutrition because I often have fish, a vegetable and a pork or chicken dish, plus a healthy pot of soup. Now, Ethan is really a stick. Everybody knows he lost weight. Yes, Ethan is an active kid but the time he is hungry he gets rice in water with a little bit of pork, which is the type of congee his grandmother makes. Where does he get any nutrients necessary for his growing body?

Don't get me wrong, my MIL is truly a nice and kind hearted woman who would sacrifice herself for her children at a heartbeat. However, when it comes to food, she herself only eats white rice and congee and may be some dried fish once in a while. When I asked why, she said she just doesn't like to eat other food. How can I expect one who doesn't love food to think about cooking a nutritious meal for someone else?

Food is one major reason I think putting Ethan in daycare is better. At Red Apple, food is served according to the standard of the Department of Education. Nothing is more important than a healthy body.

As for a sound mind, that's the torment. Ethan is spoiled. He manuvers those he loves with crying. Nobody likes a crying kid and all instinct tell us to do everything to stop a crying kid from suffering. Well, even though I have had two years of experience with discerning what is a real cry from a fake one, there are times when I really wonder if Ethan is really suffering when he cries. Pain somewhere? May be some sort of discomfort? More and more, I am concluding that he is just trying to get immediate attention from an adult. So the fact is clear. Ethan needs to leave the "all" loving home environment and get into a more social environment where he is not the center of all existence. At the same time, the fact that he still attempts to bite when he gets frustrated gets me worried. Will the teachers get upset at his crying episodes so bad that they say bad things to him in his face or even put him at a corner all day? Will he be emotionally damaged? Will he learn to conform to group behavior too much that he loses individuality? Ethan is a happy kid with a beautiful and innocent laugh when he is happy. I will never want to see that disappear. Then again, with biting, there is always the potential of being sued. Who wants their kid bitten? As the mother of a biter, I must honestly say that I see no other option but to put him in school because Ethan needs to be away from all the culprit- perhaps me included - who somehow let him express his frustrations this way. Then there were mothers who told me that biting and hiting is more normal than I think. Perhaps. Aside from the behavior issue that I want Ethan to change, I think he will also learn things from being in school that he will not learn at home.

So the decision has been made. Nonetheless, there is still a part of me that is not feeling easy. I guess all change is difficult. I can only hope for the best.

JW

A Loving Marriage

I always wonder whatever happened to the romance . . . the tenderness and connection . . . between my parents, or that of JK's parents. It always saddens me and JK whenever we think that we are losing the connection that brought so much joy to our hearts.

Last weekend, we entertained my father's cousin K from Australia. He is a successful dentist in Australia with six kids and, of course, a beautiful wife A. During the two days that we were together, we got to talk a bit in the midst of the walk around Manhattan. His very beautiful wife A said none of their kids were planned, and they were close in age. They came to visit Disney World and New York City with their three younger kids ages 10, 11, and 15. So, I thought, that's a lot of work and not much time for themselves. Well, they apparently made time and shared in the tasks as they both were talking very fondly of those days when they had to change diapers six times. K even said he had to buy diapers continuously for 12 years. When asked how they managed all the kids, he said, "Just don't think about it and just do it." I remember hearing this same answer from my jewish neighbors who all have at least four kids. During the walk around Manhattan, I noticed they were holding hands whenever they had a chance. At one point, when we were all in a crowded train, Ken even held her close like what I would see young dating couples do. They always communicated with the sweetest of tones.

So JK and I were inspired. One difference between K and my Dad is that K is a professional who earned enough to support a stay-at-home mom and six kids, plus hired a nanny to help with the kids and clean around the house. My dad was hard working but earned enough only to pay the rent and a bit more. My mother always had to work. This is the common story of most of my friend's parents. It is interesting that we are couples with K's qualifications but somehow, like most of my girlfriends, I am not the stay-at-home mom but work full-time. Needless to say, I struggle with the lack of time for the kids. We try our best on the weekends. However, I wonder, just wonder, even if we can make up for the kids, can we overcome the lack of time for the marraige?! Perhaps, this is the challenge!

JW

"Mum Mum" is History

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I last reported on the adventure of our parenthood! Well, the best news is that one morning two weeks ago, naughty Ethan threw his pacifier into the toilet and Daddy found out the hard way. The rest of the day, which happened to have been a Sunday, Daddy was busy trying to unclot the toilet and Ethan watched the whole thing because he was anxious to get his pacifier back. That of course, never happened because as soon as JK fished it out, we happily tossed it into the garbage can. My MIL made the best suggestion ever - just tell Ethan the pacifier was never found. So that's what we did and Ethan took full responsibility. Everytime I said it's gone because he threw it into the toilet, he would point to the direction of the bathroom, saying "Mum Mum Tsi Saw," meaning "pacifier bathroom". Now, when I ask him to sleep, he would even close his eyes and try to sleep. Since that eventful Sunday, Ethan is talking more and his vocabulary increased tenfold. I don't know if it's a coincidence because at 2 years of age, kids learn to speak in lightning speed. His breath also smells better. What can I say?! JK and I are just exhilarated!

Yesterday night, for the first time, Ethan kissed us with his lips. JK reported that last night, as he was walking home after parking the car, he picked Ethan up and casually asked him in Chinese if he kisses Daddy, which although the word is "kiss" the meaning is really "love". Ethan said yes in his loud high pitch toddler voice and kissed Daddy on the cheek. JK was soooo happy that I can't find the word to express for him. JK was still talking about it this morning. When Ethan was asked the same question by me, he came to me and kissed me on the cheek with that loud kissing sound I had taught him. The joy was inexplicable! JK and I are still living the "high" from this milestone Ethan made - finally, he has learned to make other people happy by giving back.

Ethan also showed emotions of missing his other friends, like Gwen Gwen and Kalie, who are both his age and who he loves to hug . . . and kiss if he can get close enough.

So, we are proud parents of a boy now!

JW

Terrible Twos

We thought we were already dealing with the terrible twos ... G wizz we were wrong. Last night, Ethan gave us a real taste of it. From the moment I got home at 7:00 p.m., he was in his shoes with his metro card in hand saying, "dob ba si", which meant to take the bus. I was tired from walking the approximate one mile home and couldn't wait to get into comfortable clothes. Not to mention eat my dinner. I asked if we could have dinner first, watch Curious George, then if he still wants to we could go out. Ethan pointed to the door with metrocard in hand, saying, "dob ba si". I said I was hungry. He comes close to me and then as soon as I have my hands on him, he threw himself on the floor and started wailing. I almost couldn't catch him. I told him that it was time for dinner. Noop. That did not stop him. He screams from the top of his lungs, still managed to squeeze in, "dob ba si". I put him on the floor and told him to let it out, and when he is done he should join us for dinner. He must have reached the peak of his wailing. I thought my heardrums were about to pop. JK was speechless. We just ate in silence 'cause we couldn't even hear each other talk. We pretty much decided he was not going to win this one.

...then of course, after half an hour of pure noise pollution, and we couldn't even hear our own thoughts, I told JK to take him out for a walk. Ethan stopped his wailing immediately and brought over to JK his shoes. Then as they were exiting the apartment, Ethan turned to me and said "sub ray". I thought, "sorry"? I was so happy I couldn't help but say, "I always love you." Ten minutes later, they were back and Ethan was cheerful. When asked to take off his shoes, he refused and started wailing again. Gee Weez, what is going on? JK told me his mother told Ethan that we would take him on the bus when we get home. Great, just great! I told JK we should not lie to Ethan and that he should take Ethan on the bus to his mom. So they left, Ethan happily, again. About an hour later, they came back. Ethan was in his happy singing self until he was asked to take off his shoes again. He refused and said, "dub sub ray". Then it dawned on me that he didn't say sorry earlier. He said "subway" and now he wants to take the subway. I felt deceived and disappointed that he didn't apologize to me earlier. JK said no subway. I walked over and explained to him that it's dark outside and people sleep at night, not take the subway. Ethan literally threw himself on the floor, still with his metrocard in hand, and started wailing. Please picture this. His face was really in pain with real tears that dropped like a rainstorm. For added effects, Ethan knocks his head on the floor as soon as I make eye contact with him. This time, we decided it was time to let him cry. But just in case, JK looked up in our reference guide to see about this behavior. As it turned out, it was very normal that toddlers act out like this because they don't know how else to communicate their strong desire. Granted, it is true that for some of the things he wanted to do, we actively encouraged him with many praises. How would he know that for other things, like taking a bus or subway, we would discourage to the point of forbiddening him? So JK and I carried on our evening doing our own things. About 45 minutes after Ethan started his wailing, JK went and picked him up. Ethan was exhausted and initiated putting his metro card away. JK took off his shoes, changed him into his pajamas. I changed his diaper and proceeded to read two of his favorite books. JK warmed up his milk. Half way through the book, he didn't point to the monkey or the number or make a hand gesture that he was talking on the phone. I looked down and his eyes were closed. JK fed a limp Ethan his 8 ounces of milk and we put him on the bed. That was the end of our first battle. Not sure if we won the war but we sure did win this battle.

JW

Two Year Check Up

I thought it would be a nightmare taking Ethan to the doctor on my own. But he proved me wrong. He just sat in his carseat looking out the window the whole time I drove to and from his doctor. He only asked to be carried when he saw that we were heading into the doctor's building. Ethan was not clingyi, which was normal. I told him to play with all those truck toys in the play area but he wasn't comfortable. I guess he was having a little anxiety. So I played with him. He was amazingly attentive. When a 16 month old girl arrived, he even tried to lure her to play with him. Nonetheless, when his name was called, he stood at the doorway reluctant to enter the examination room. Well, still, other than crying from the top of his lungs, 'cause he did get two shots, he didn't kick or throw himself around. Thank God 'cause I wouldn't have had enough strength to hold down this 30 lb kid. Yes, his weight is 75 percentile and his height is still between 75 and 90 percentile. This is certainly in keeping with his past record - he is a 75 percentile kid. His sister Artimus is a 50 percentile baby. The doctor pronounced him healthy and I left happily holding his little, but not so little anymore, hand.

JW

Longing to be Home

The thought has been growing in my mind for the last two weeks. Everytime I thinking about Ethan and Artimus, their big brown eyes just pop into my head -Ethan with that "I want to be with you every moment" look and Artimus with that big happy laugh. Working part-time is an option at my job. I ruled out working part-time initially because I really want to feel as little financial strain as possible even with the huge mortgage we have now. However, I am really missing out on their extraordinary moments like Ethan's first word and soon to come first sentence, and Artimus first crawl or first steps. The problem is, even if we are willing to be very tight financially for a year, we really couldn't then pay someone 3 days a week and then I am home two days a week. And I won't let a 60 something woman take care of an infant and an active toddler all by herself for a whole day. I truly want to spend more time at home with Ethan, to play, sing, dance, read, and draw with him. The nannies are not doing that because they each only had one child and I don't think they had the time to be with their child at that time. So they have absolutely no instinct when it comes to playing, singing, dancing, reading, or drawing with a child. They just want to do our house work. So perhaps that's what we'll have them do, and make our dinner so when we get home we can focus on playing with Ethan and Diane. Why kept asking them to read to Ethan or take him out? My heart still longs to be home with them but if I stop the current arrangement, I can't quite reverse the process. I miss them so much during the day.

JW

Ethan is Two

We celebrated Ethan's big two yesterday. He was happy just being able to play in the playroom and be surrounded by so many little friends. I don't think he realized what we were telling him all week, that he was turning two, until everyone started singing happy birthday! He never got so much attention before and he was quite thrilled and a little stunned. As a mother, I was so proud that he is now a healthy and happy toddler. Can't believe it's been two years since that eventful day of labor. I could still feel every beat of that whole day unfolding with him arriving into this world. Ethan now is a boy with an outgoing personality, fun loving, and just full of obsessions. He loves girls, his size or bigger. He loves to sing and dance, as all our friends saw at Pang and Kity's wedding in Bermuda when he refused to leave the dance floor. Uncle Kam bought him a kiddy battery powered electric guitar with a microphone for his big two. As soon as Daddy got the whole gig set up, he was playing the guitar and singing like a rock star with a jazzy inclination. Just the way mommy likes it. He still craves to take the bus, but I had to put a stop to the nanny taking him on the bus two times a day all around town. He also loves the water . . . I mean crazy about the water. In a purely innocent way, his craziness about the world around him is so wonderful to watch. I am so happy we could experience it together!

Now, the plan is to toilet train this two year old so he can be ready for school.

JW

Biking and Biting

I joined the Lower East Side parent's forum back in May when it got started. Yesterday, I went to the Mom's night out and met some of the mothers on the forum. It was wonderful to talk about Ethan and all the issues I thought he has. I am told by mothers of boys that it's completely normal for him to want to bite more than he want to hit, even though both are not good behavior. I got some ideas on how to start addressing the biting issue differently . . . Ethan really doesn't bite these days unless he is extreme frustrated either upon the sight of baby girl being cuddled or he was being stopped from doing something he wanted to do. I am also rethinking homecare versus daycare. Perhaps Ethan needs more structured learning and socialization than we realize.

Aside from the same biting issue, Ethan is really growing up to be a healthy active little boy. Just two weeks ago, he started to manipulate his tricycle so well that he can roll it backward and forward without hitting anything in the path. He was specifically talented in getting through the narrow hallway with its twists and turns in the apartment without hitting the walls. I was stunned . . . Omm did I miss something in between? I remember having to guide him with the string attached to the tricycle just days ago! Not only can he understands commands and what I was telling him, Ethan now can repeat after me if he hears something he wanted to say. He also loves to read and would take off his pacifier in exchange for reading time with mommy or daddy. Yup, we are still struggling with him about the pacifier at night. He still doesn't know his ABCs or numbers but we just got him some concept cards, which he really loved. Still wondering if I should buy those Chinese flash cards since the nannies could teach him those.

Baby girl is just adorable. She started to blow her lips to create sound and to play with her saliva. There were times when I went to check on her and find her face wet with spatters of her own saliva. Of course, when I tried to record it with the camera, she doesn't do it! Oh, another interesting thing is that she can care less for the jumperoo but she loves the exercelsor. Ethan was just the opposite. Oh, I miss the days when Ethan was just jumping and yelling on the jumperoo!

JW
P.S. JK realized how critical I was to a peaceful night!

Nursing

It's rewarding and all, but it's mentally exhausting to have to keep up the discipline of regular pumping while at work. Most people don't understand what is going on behind closed door and I think my career suffers as a consequence. I have this nagging feeling that people do talk about the frequent closed door . . . the look, the sudden silence upon my entrance etc. Not that I really care because I have a right to do so and I am getting my work done. It is really more about my mental energy to keep it up. I much rather nurse baby girl directly. At least there is a connection and I can enjoy every aspect of her cuteness from the bright eyes to chubby fingers as she grows in extraordinary speed looking different every week. So here I am, loving the fact that I am still nursing but feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I just know that everyday that I am lazy I am decreasing my supply and setting the path to weaning her. There is just not enough time in the day to work, to nurse, to take care of Ethan and to do something for myself like reading a magazine, let alone the idea of pumping one more time to keep up the supply. I guess the only time is when they are all sleeping, like now, at 3:00 am in the morning. My creative mind that keeps me alive is dying because there is no time or mental energy to exercise it. I wonder if this is how most young mothers feel?!

JW

Everybody Needs Some Fun

Last Friday, I was off, JK took a day off, and we rode our bikes up and down the East River Park from where we live to Battery Park City, and back up to 23rd Street where JK was happily leading me to the public pool for a swim. We didn't end up swimming because I was ill prepared, but the bike ride was truly the perfect date. Beautiful weather, nice breeze, and great company. I felt like we were riding down 34th Avenue in Jackson Heights again, before the kids came along. Except better because we didn't need to stop at all. The greeneries and river were also right next to us. Our move out to Manhattan was definitely one of the best decision we made together. After a refreshing shower, we again kissed the kids good-bye, leaving them with grandma and their grandaunt. From there, we went grocery shopping holding hands rather than holding on to the kids or stroller. That felt wonderful. Mmmm, can't wait to do this again.

JW

Sleeping Dilemma

There is no word to describe how I feel as a mother when my son is waking up every hour or two in the dead of night. He is not getting sleep, JK is not getting sleep, and I am not getting sleep. That makes a whole cranky family. As to babygirl, she can't sleep or stay asleep unless I am next to her so now I have no personal time to dream of. Mentally, I am so exhausted that I can't keep up with what babygirl is suppose to be capable of at five months or what Ethan is at 23 months. I don't even know what Ethan's favorite food is anymore because he is losing appetite. I can't help but think that it's because he doesn't have enough sleep. Should I start training babygirl to sleep on her own again so may be then I have time to train Ethan? I have come to realize that mothers have to do the real job. Daddys are punch bags for kids. They can't withstand any battles where the other side's weapon is tears. Or may be that's just my husband.

JW

Reviewing the Need

The whole crying-out training had taken a different turn last Friday. For some reason, she woke up after just half an hour and started crying in a very different, more desperate, tone. She sounded scared. So I took her back to my bed and held her securely in my arms, belly to belly. She calmly fell back asleep. The next night, she cried as soon as I put her in the crib and I guess I put her in the crib with the lights on so I saw the sadness on her face. That just doesn't work for me . . . you know what next.

Last night, we were both hot and sticky because we went fruit and vegetable picking. Oh, that was fun but I'll share with pictures. Anyway, I couldn't even nurse her I was so uncomfortable. After I bath her, fed her 4 ozs of formula, burped her, and turned off the lights, I put her in her crib. Sadly, she reacted instantly with wailing and kicking. I picked her up. After another 10 minutes of holding her, I let her down in the crib again. This time, I went to take a shower, hoping she would have stopped crying by the time I am done. Well, I walked out of a relaxing shower to her out-of-breath and choking type crying. My anxiety level just peaked. JK asked if may be we don't have to do this but just keep doing what seemed perfectly fine even though we only half-sleep with the kids on the same bed. I said fine, go pick her up from the crib. When JK walked over to me with babygirl, her eyes were tearful, face red, with hair drained in her sweat. I asked to take her from his arms, with my arms open to her. She turned away. I went to the other side and asked again, she turned away again, crying. Can you imagine how my heart just sank? This little being has feelings and she was hurt. So no more. A few years, that's all! So why not? Her feelings is paramount and I will not leave her in the dark again. If she is anything like me, I am afraid of the dark. Yup.

JW

Not Giving UP

I had not given up my decision to train baby girl to sleep in the crib. I failed on first try and even the second try, but I went back to the crib yesterday, the third day. It's hard for all mothers to hear their babies cry hard and loud just so that they can be in the mother's arms . . . when picking them up and cuddling with them is sooooo easy. Yesterday night, after I fed Artimus 4 ozs of formula, I stood by the crib with my hand on her chest singing "You Are the Song Singing in My Heart" as I always did when putting her to sleep. Artimus was quiet but uneasy. She must have flopped from one side to the other ten billion times, and made many revolutions, trying to sleep. (Her attempt to sleep is so cute even in the dark.) This lasted an hour until Ethan came into the room crying non-stop for or about something. JK didn't take Ethan out and I was just speechless. I left and baby girl started crying, which quickly escalated into screaming from the top of her lungs. There was nothing I wanted to do more than to go in and hold her in my arms. But I reminded myself that I must do this like I do everything else - which is to do my best to succeed. So I kept myself busy. After half an hour of crying, and Ethan had left her bedroom, there was dead silence. I was exhilarated. Indeed, she slept and she slept until 2:30 am when I stupidly went over to check on her and she spotted me. Oh well, that's okay. It was already more than five hours after she sleep, which meant she already "slept through the night." I put her on my bed, nursed her and we fell asleep in each other's embrace. I guess I have to train myself to stop wanting to sleep with her as well. That will be tonight.

JW