Biking and Biting
I joined the Lower East Side parent's forum back in May when it got started. Yesterday, I went to the Mom's night out and met some of the mothers on the forum. It was wonderful to talk about Ethan and all the issues I thought he has. I am told by mothers of boys that it's completely normal for him to want to bite more than he want to hit, even though both are not good behavior. I got some ideas on how to start addressing the biting issue differently . . . Ethan really doesn't bite these days unless he is extreme frustrated either upon the sight of baby girl being cuddled or he was being stopped from doing something he wanted to do. I am also rethinking homecare versus daycare. Perhaps Ethan needs more structured learning and socialization than we realize.
Aside from the same biting issue, Ethan is really growing up to be a healthy active little boy. Just two weeks ago, he started to manipulate his tricycle so well that he can roll it backward and forward without hitting anything in the path. He was specifically talented in getting through the narrow hallway with its twists and turns in the apartment without hitting the walls. I was stunned . . . Omm did I miss something in between? I remember having to guide him with the string attached to the tricycle just days ago! Not only can he understands commands and what I was telling him, Ethan now can repeat after me if he hears something he wanted to say. He also loves to read and would take off his pacifier in exchange for reading time with mommy or daddy. Yup, we are still struggling with him about the pacifier at night. He still doesn't know his ABCs or numbers but we just got him some concept cards, which he really loved. Still wondering if I should buy those Chinese flash cards since the nannies could teach him those.
Baby girl is just adorable. She started to blow her lips to create sound and to play with her saliva. There were times when I went to check on her and find her face wet with spatters of her own saliva. Of course, when I tried to record it with the camera, she doesn't do it! Oh, another interesting thing is that she can care less for the jumperoo but she loves the exercelsor. Ethan was just the opposite. Oh, I miss the days when Ethan was just jumping and yelling on the jumperoo!
JW
P.S. JK realized how critical I was to a peaceful night!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Nursing
It's rewarding and all, but it's mentally exhausting to have to keep up the discipline of regular pumping while at work. Most people don't understand what is going on behind closed door and I think my career suffers as a consequence. I have this nagging feeling that people do talk about the frequent closed door . . . the look, the sudden silence upon my entrance etc. Not that I really care because I have a right to do so and I am getting my work done. It is really more about my mental energy to keep it up. I much rather nurse baby girl directly. At least there is a connection and I can enjoy every aspect of her cuteness from the bright eyes to chubby fingers as she grows in extraordinary speed looking different every week. So here I am, loving the fact that I am still nursing but feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I just know that everyday that I am lazy I am decreasing my supply and setting the path to weaning her. There is just not enough time in the day to work, to nurse, to take care of Ethan and to do something for myself like reading a magazine, let alone the idea of pumping one more time to keep up the supply. I guess the only time is when they are all sleeping, like now, at 3:00 am in the morning. My creative mind that keeps me alive is dying because there is no time or mental energy to exercise it. I wonder if this is how most young mothers feel?!
JW
It's rewarding and all, but it's mentally exhausting to have to keep up the discipline of regular pumping while at work. Most people don't understand what is going on behind closed door and I think my career suffers as a consequence. I have this nagging feeling that people do talk about the frequent closed door . . . the look, the sudden silence upon my entrance etc. Not that I really care because I have a right to do so and I am getting my work done. It is really more about my mental energy to keep it up. I much rather nurse baby girl directly. At least there is a connection and I can enjoy every aspect of her cuteness from the bright eyes to chubby fingers as she grows in extraordinary speed looking different every week. So here I am, loving the fact that I am still nursing but feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I just know that everyday that I am lazy I am decreasing my supply and setting the path to weaning her. There is just not enough time in the day to work, to nurse, to take care of Ethan and to do something for myself like reading a magazine, let alone the idea of pumping one more time to keep up the supply. I guess the only time is when they are all sleeping, like now, at 3:00 am in the morning. My creative mind that keeps me alive is dying because there is no time or mental energy to exercise it. I wonder if this is how most young mothers feel?!
JW
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Everybody Needs Some Fun
Last Friday, I was off, JK took a day off, and we rode our bikes up and down the East River Park from where we live to Battery Park City, and back up to 23rd Street where JK was happily leading me to the public pool for a swim. We didn't end up swimming because I was ill prepared, but the bike ride was truly the perfect date. Beautiful weather, nice breeze, and great company. I felt like we were riding down 34th Avenue in Jackson Heights again, before the kids came along. Except better because we didn't need to stop at all. The greeneries and river were also right next to us. Our move out to Manhattan was definitely one of the best decision we made together. After a refreshing shower, we again kissed the kids good-bye, leaving them with grandma and their grandaunt. From there, we went grocery shopping holding hands rather than holding on to the kids or stroller. That felt wonderful. Mmmm, can't wait to do this again.
JW
Last Friday, I was off, JK took a day off, and we rode our bikes up and down the East River Park from where we live to Battery Park City, and back up to 23rd Street where JK was happily leading me to the public pool for a swim. We didn't end up swimming because I was ill prepared, but the bike ride was truly the perfect date. Beautiful weather, nice breeze, and great company. I felt like we were riding down 34th Avenue in Jackson Heights again, before the kids came along. Except better because we didn't need to stop at all. The greeneries and river were also right next to us. Our move out to Manhattan was definitely one of the best decision we made together. After a refreshing shower, we again kissed the kids good-bye, leaving them with grandma and their grandaunt. From there, we went grocery shopping holding hands rather than holding on to the kids or stroller. That felt wonderful. Mmmm, can't wait to do this again.
JW
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Sleeping Dilemma
There is no word to describe how I feel as a mother when my son is waking up every hour or two in the dead of night. He is not getting sleep, JK is not getting sleep, and I am not getting sleep. That makes a whole cranky family. As to babygirl, she can't sleep or stay asleep unless I am next to her so now I have no personal time to dream of. Mentally, I am so exhausted that I can't keep up with what babygirl is suppose to be capable of at five months or what Ethan is at 23 months. I don't even know what Ethan's favorite food is anymore because he is losing appetite. I can't help but think that it's because he doesn't have enough sleep. Should I start training babygirl to sleep on her own again so may be then I have time to train Ethan? I have come to realize that mothers have to do the real job. Daddys are punch bags for kids. They can't withstand any battles where the other side's weapon is tears. Or may be that's just my husband.
JW
There is no word to describe how I feel as a mother when my son is waking up every hour or two in the dead of night. He is not getting sleep, JK is not getting sleep, and I am not getting sleep. That makes a whole cranky family. As to babygirl, she can't sleep or stay asleep unless I am next to her so now I have no personal time to dream of. Mentally, I am so exhausted that I can't keep up with what babygirl is suppose to be capable of at five months or what Ethan is at 23 months. I don't even know what Ethan's favorite food is anymore because he is losing appetite. I can't help but think that it's because he doesn't have enough sleep. Should I start training babygirl to sleep on her own again so may be then I have time to train Ethan? I have come to realize that mothers have to do the real job. Daddys are punch bags for kids. They can't withstand any battles where the other side's weapon is tears. Or may be that's just my husband.
JW
Monday, July 16, 2007
Reviewing the Need
The whole crying-out training had taken a different turn last Friday. For some reason, she woke up after just half an hour and started crying in a very different, more desperate, tone. She sounded scared. So I took her back to my bed and held her securely in my arms, belly to belly. She calmly fell back asleep. The next night, she cried as soon as I put her in the crib and I guess I put her in the crib with the lights on so I saw the sadness on her face. That just doesn't work for me . . . you know what next.
Last night, we were both hot and sticky because we went fruit and vegetable picking. Oh, that was fun but I'll share with pictures. Anyway, I couldn't even nurse her I was so uncomfortable. After I bath her, fed her 4 ozs of formula, burped her, and turned off the lights, I put her in her crib. Sadly, she reacted instantly with wailing and kicking. I picked her up. After another 10 minutes of holding her, I let her down in the crib again. This time, I went to take a shower, hoping she would have stopped crying by the time I am done. Well, I walked out of a relaxing shower to her out-of-breath and choking type crying. My anxiety level just peaked. JK asked if may be we don't have to do this but just keep doing what seemed perfectly fine even though we only half-sleep with the kids on the same bed. I said fine, go pick her up from the crib. When JK walked over to me with babygirl, her eyes were tearful, face red, with hair drained in her sweat. I asked to take her from his arms, with my arms open to her. She turned away. I went to the other side and asked again, she turned away again, crying. Can you imagine how my heart just sank? This little being has feelings and she was hurt. So no more. A few years, that's all! So why not? Her feelings is paramount and I will not leave her in the dark again. If she is anything like me, I am afraid of the dark. Yup.
JW
The whole crying-out training had taken a different turn last Friday. For some reason, she woke up after just half an hour and started crying in a very different, more desperate, tone. She sounded scared. So I took her back to my bed and held her securely in my arms, belly to belly. She calmly fell back asleep. The next night, she cried as soon as I put her in the crib and I guess I put her in the crib with the lights on so I saw the sadness on her face. That just doesn't work for me . . . you know what next.
Last night, we were both hot and sticky because we went fruit and vegetable picking. Oh, that was fun but I'll share with pictures. Anyway, I couldn't even nurse her I was so uncomfortable. After I bath her, fed her 4 ozs of formula, burped her, and turned off the lights, I put her in her crib. Sadly, she reacted instantly with wailing and kicking. I picked her up. After another 10 minutes of holding her, I let her down in the crib again. This time, I went to take a shower, hoping she would have stopped crying by the time I am done. Well, I walked out of a relaxing shower to her out-of-breath and choking type crying. My anxiety level just peaked. JK asked if may be we don't have to do this but just keep doing what seemed perfectly fine even though we only half-sleep with the kids on the same bed. I said fine, go pick her up from the crib. When JK walked over to me with babygirl, her eyes were tearful, face red, with hair drained in her sweat. I asked to take her from his arms, with my arms open to her. She turned away. I went to the other side and asked again, she turned away again, crying. Can you imagine how my heart just sank? This little being has feelings and she was hurt. So no more. A few years, that's all! So why not? Her feelings is paramount and I will not leave her in the dark again. If she is anything like me, I am afraid of the dark. Yup.
JW
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Not Giving UP
I had not given up my decision to train baby girl to sleep in the crib. I failed on first try and even the second try, but I went back to the crib yesterday, the third day. It's hard for all mothers to hear their babies cry hard and loud just so that they can be in the mother's arms . . . when picking them up and cuddling with them is sooooo easy. Yesterday night, after I fed Artimus 4 ozs of formula, I stood by the crib with my hand on her chest singing "You Are the Song Singing in My Heart" as I always did when putting her to sleep. Artimus was quiet but uneasy. She must have flopped from one side to the other ten billion times, and made many revolutions, trying to sleep. (Her attempt to sleep is so cute even in the dark.) This lasted an hour until Ethan came into the room crying non-stop for or about something. JK didn't take Ethan out and I was just speechless. I left and baby girl started crying, which quickly escalated into screaming from the top of her lungs. There was nothing I wanted to do more than to go in and hold her in my arms. But I reminded myself that I must do this like I do everything else - which is to do my best to succeed. So I kept myself busy. After half an hour of crying, and Ethan had left her bedroom, there was dead silence. I was exhilarated. Indeed, she slept and she slept until 2:30 am when I stupidly went over to check on her and she spotted me. Oh well, that's okay. It was already more than five hours after she sleep, which meant she already "slept through the night." I put her on my bed, nursed her and we fell asleep in each other's embrace. I guess I have to train myself to stop wanting to sleep with her as well. That will be tonight.
JW
I had not given up my decision to train baby girl to sleep in the crib. I failed on first try and even the second try, but I went back to the crib yesterday, the third day. It's hard for all mothers to hear their babies cry hard and loud just so that they can be in the mother's arms . . . when picking them up and cuddling with them is sooooo easy. Yesterday night, after I fed Artimus 4 ozs of formula, I stood by the crib with my hand on her chest singing "You Are the Song Singing in My Heart" as I always did when putting her to sleep. Artimus was quiet but uneasy. She must have flopped from one side to the other ten billion times, and made many revolutions, trying to sleep. (Her attempt to sleep is so cute even in the dark.) This lasted an hour until Ethan came into the room crying non-stop for or about something. JK didn't take Ethan out and I was just speechless. I left and baby girl started crying, which quickly escalated into screaming from the top of her lungs. There was nothing I wanted to do more than to go in and hold her in my arms. But I reminded myself that I must do this like I do everything else - which is to do my best to succeed. So I kept myself busy. After half an hour of crying, and Ethan had left her bedroom, there was dead silence. I was exhilarated. Indeed, she slept and she slept until 2:30 am when I stupidly went over to check on her and she spotted me. Oh well, that's okay. It was already more than five hours after she sleep, which meant she already "slept through the night." I put her on my bed, nursed her and we fell asleep in each other's embrace. I guess I have to train myself to stop wanting to sleep with her as well. That will be tonight.
JW
Monday, July 09, 2007
Giving Crying-It-Out a Try
Sometimes I think Ethan is the poster child for how-to-destroy-child by-co-sleeping. Other times, I enjoy the bond that comes with co-sleeping. Basically, Ethan could not sleep unless he is seriously helped, and he wakes up easily, with a temper because he did not get enough sleep. On average, he sleeps 8 hours at night and about 1 to 2 hour nap in the afternoon. That's not enough for a 22 month old.
As you can imagine, I had been thinking about putting baby girl to sleep in the crib on her own. The nannies in the neighborhood tells me that if the child sleeps on his/her own, the child usually sleeps longer, like up to 12 hours straight. I also know friends who have children who sleeps that long on their own in a crib.
So tonight, after nursing, I gave myself no more excuse to postpone the inevitable. Artimus landed in the crib, smiling as usual. After an unusually long 10 minutes, she started crying . . . louder and louder . . . then some coughing, then a brief silence followed by a high pitch scream and more desperate crying. The seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. I could just see her face with all the tears stream out of her eyes, and her arms swing and her legs kicking. I cried too. After about half an hour, JK and I decided that perhaps our kids are just born to need co-sleeping.
JW
Sometimes I think Ethan is the poster child for how-to-destroy-child by-co-sleeping. Other times, I enjoy the bond that comes with co-sleeping. Basically, Ethan could not sleep unless he is seriously helped, and he wakes up easily, with a temper because he did not get enough sleep. On average, he sleeps 8 hours at night and about 1 to 2 hour nap in the afternoon. That's not enough for a 22 month old.
As you can imagine, I had been thinking about putting baby girl to sleep in the crib on her own. The nannies in the neighborhood tells me that if the child sleeps on his/her own, the child usually sleeps longer, like up to 12 hours straight. I also know friends who have children who sleeps that long on their own in a crib.
So tonight, after nursing, I gave myself no more excuse to postpone the inevitable. Artimus landed in the crib, smiling as usual. After an unusually long 10 minutes, she started crying . . . louder and louder . . . then some coughing, then a brief silence followed by a high pitch scream and more desperate crying. The seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. I could just see her face with all the tears stream out of her eyes, and her arms swing and her legs kicking. I cried too. After about half an hour, JK and I decided that perhaps our kids are just born to need co-sleeping.
JW
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Addictive Habits
Many moons ago, JK and I decided that we don't mind sleeping with Ethan. Then there were many moons ago that we also decided that it's time to train him to sleep on his own. Those determinations were normally curtailed when Ethan comes down with some sort of illness, which always happened when we were in the mist of training him to sleep on his own. When Artimus was born, JK was thrown the responsibility of taking care of Ethan because my hands were full with Artimus. JK found that Ethan would calm down and sleep when put in the backpack todler carrier. Guess what, Ethan now expects to fall asleep in that carrier. Then there is the pacifier. Ethan has this big smile on his face when he sees his pacifier, probably the same expression you see when a cocaine addict sees the cocaine. These days, we experience the worst of these habits.
First, with Ethan, JK gets no sleep because Ethan still wakes up in the middle of the night asking for milk. Hah, I told JK to start weaning him but he had always found it easier just to give him the milk.
As with the pacifier, we had successfully limited the pacifier to sleep time only . . . until Ethan learned that messy Daddy always forgets to put the pacifier away. So open access meant more addiction. Last night, Daddy found a pacifier and while walking it to the kitchen, Ethan saw it. Ah, the show began. Ethan wanted it. Daddy said no, only for sleeping. Ethan wanted it. Daddy put it on the kitchen counter, too high for Ethan to reach. Ethan threw himself onto the floor and started crying/wailing/screaming from the top of his lungs. Daddy stared at Ethan, speechless. Ethan cried louder. Daddy went to bedroom where mommy and baby girl were, asking, "What do you think I should do?" Daddy loved to debate over any proposed method, so I just said, "I don't know. You figure it out." Daddy looked helpless, walked out. I heard Ethan ran into the other bedroom where Daddy went, continued to scream from the top of his lungs in desperation for the "mum mum". Daddy walked into mommy and baby girl's room. Ethan came running into the room and threw himself at my legs, falling to the ground and half underneath the bed. Oh, my heart felt like it just got slashed open and blood began to flow out. I picked him up and held him tight, softly reminding him, "Mum mum is for sleeping only. You will get it when you sleep. No mum mum otherwise." Ethan looked at me in his teary eyes, "mum mum." "Mum mum is for sleeping only," I repeated. I guess he being uncertain . . or unyielding, Ethan repeated, "mum mum." Daddy walked in, looking really guilty and in pain, took Ethan from my arms and said, "What should I do now?" Well, I suggested the art of distraction and it worked.
Then, bedtime came and went. That is, Ethan refused to sleep. We gave him the pacifier at 8:30 pm but at 11:30 he still wants to read a book or just hang out in the living room. JK wanted to wait for Ethan to crash on his own so he can slowly stop Ethan from relying on the backpack carrier to fall asleep. Well, Ethan just couldn't do it. So at almost midnight, daddy took out the backpack carrier and Ethan fell asleep almost instantly. Talk about addiction!
So, what are we to do? The plans are formulating in my head. The only question is whether we have the perseverance to carry them out. Now, my focus is to train Artimus to sleep on her own.
JW
Many moons ago, JK and I decided that we don't mind sleeping with Ethan. Then there were many moons ago that we also decided that it's time to train him to sleep on his own. Those determinations were normally curtailed when Ethan comes down with some sort of illness, which always happened when we were in the mist of training him to sleep on his own. When Artimus was born, JK was thrown the responsibility of taking care of Ethan because my hands were full with Artimus. JK found that Ethan would calm down and sleep when put in the backpack todler carrier. Guess what, Ethan now expects to fall asleep in that carrier. Then there is the pacifier. Ethan has this big smile on his face when he sees his pacifier, probably the same expression you see when a cocaine addict sees the cocaine. These days, we experience the worst of these habits.
First, with Ethan, JK gets no sleep because Ethan still wakes up in the middle of the night asking for milk. Hah, I told JK to start weaning him but he had always found it easier just to give him the milk.
As with the pacifier, we had successfully limited the pacifier to sleep time only . . . until Ethan learned that messy Daddy always forgets to put the pacifier away. So open access meant more addiction. Last night, Daddy found a pacifier and while walking it to the kitchen, Ethan saw it. Ah, the show began. Ethan wanted it. Daddy said no, only for sleeping. Ethan wanted it. Daddy put it on the kitchen counter, too high for Ethan to reach. Ethan threw himself onto the floor and started crying/wailing/screaming from the top of his lungs. Daddy stared at Ethan, speechless. Ethan cried louder. Daddy went to bedroom where mommy and baby girl were, asking, "What do you think I should do?" Daddy loved to debate over any proposed method, so I just said, "I don't know. You figure it out." Daddy looked helpless, walked out. I heard Ethan ran into the other bedroom where Daddy went, continued to scream from the top of his lungs in desperation for the "mum mum". Daddy walked into mommy and baby girl's room. Ethan came running into the room and threw himself at my legs, falling to the ground and half underneath the bed. Oh, my heart felt like it just got slashed open and blood began to flow out. I picked him up and held him tight, softly reminding him, "Mum mum is for sleeping only. You will get it when you sleep. No mum mum otherwise." Ethan looked at me in his teary eyes, "mum mum." "Mum mum is for sleeping only," I repeated. I guess he being uncertain . . or unyielding, Ethan repeated, "mum mum." Daddy walked in, looking really guilty and in pain, took Ethan from my arms and said, "What should I do now?" Well, I suggested the art of distraction and it worked.
Then, bedtime came and went. That is, Ethan refused to sleep. We gave him the pacifier at 8:30 pm but at 11:30 he still wants to read a book or just hang out in the living room. JK wanted to wait for Ethan to crash on his own so he can slowly stop Ethan from relying on the backpack carrier to fall asleep. Well, Ethan just couldn't do it. So at almost midnight, daddy took out the backpack carrier and Ethan fell asleep almost instantly. Talk about addiction!
So, what are we to do? The plans are formulating in my head. The only question is whether we have the perseverance to carry them out. Now, my focus is to train Artimus to sleep on her own.
JW
Monday, June 18, 2007
Brother and Sister
It is amazing what kids can do to parents. They make you laugh heartily and drive you nuts all at the same time. Ethan drove JK jumping out of bed yestersday when Ethan cried nonstop. Yes, Ethan won again, he did not stop until JK put him in the back carrier. That's the only why Ethan would sleep at night. Since Ethan is sick, JK gave up after a half hour or so and gave in.
For me, the most heartfelt moment now is when I see Ethan looking for his sister, with his palms up and arms to his side asking, "Mui mui?" Then he runs to the swing, looks on my bed, and then looks to the sofas. When he finds her, he holds her hand, then lowers his head slowly to put his cheeks to her lips for a kiss. Baby girl just looks at him and continues looking around in her nonchalant way. So it looks like they will keep each other company when they get older. May be then, JK and I will have our lives back.
JW
It is amazing what kids can do to parents. They make you laugh heartily and drive you nuts all at the same time. Ethan drove JK jumping out of bed yestersday when Ethan cried nonstop. Yes, Ethan won again, he did not stop until JK put him in the back carrier. That's the only why Ethan would sleep at night. Since Ethan is sick, JK gave up after a half hour or so and gave in.
For me, the most heartfelt moment now is when I see Ethan looking for his sister, with his palms up and arms to his side asking, "Mui mui?" Then he runs to the swing, looks on my bed, and then looks to the sofas. When he finds her, he holds her hand, then lowers his head slowly to put his cheeks to her lips for a kiss. Baby girl just looks at him and continues looking around in her nonchalant way. So it looks like they will keep each other company when they get older. May be then, JK and I will have our lives back.
JW
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Strawberry Fields
Today is Ethan's 21st month birthday. He is sick with a cold and low fever. It's also Samantha's first birthday party, which we had looked forward to going for a week because that's when Ethan gets to meet all his friends. But at the last moment, after he threw up, we decided that it's best not to get his little friends sick too. However, staying home would not going to make him feel better. He would have just drive us crazy with his high energy and lots of sneezing. So we decided to take him to the farm for some strawberry pickings. We thought that may show him where fruits and vegetables come from.
The car ride there was great. Ethan and baby girl fell asleep in the car almost immediately. That was a good one and a half hour ride in peace and they got their afternoon nap. Then when we got to Lee Turkey Farm, baby girl continued to sleep the whole time while Ethan and the grown ups just picked away. We picked snow peas and sweet peas. Then we proceeded to pick strawberries. Ethan loved picking the peas but the strawberries were not his favorite. The strawberries were hard to find and today was a very hot day. So he played with auntie Becky's green umbrella instead while Daddy and auntie Becky picked away. The umbrella interested him more as he discovered that holding on to it was quite a task when there was wind. But Ethan managed to have fell on the strawberries only once. By the time Daddy, auntie Becky and mommy picked about six pounds of strawberries, we were ready to melt under the sun. We were only there for about an hour. We couldn't imagine how the Mexican workers do it more than 8 hours a day bending down in that position under the hot sun.
Ethan was knocked out as soon as we got on the road again. Baby girl was baby-talking the whole way with aunt Becky. Becky couldn't believe how talkative she is. So all in all, we had a good day. Ethan got to sleep a lot and perhaps learned a little. And we got some good pictures for memories sake. Now, we just hope Ethan gets better soon and baby girl doesn't get that long of a cold from her brother. She already got a low fever.
Hope our friends had a good day too.
JW
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Everything is Going Well Except . . .
Baby girl is a happy jolly little being who laughs when she wakes up in the morning and laughs even more when she gets your attention. She is also adjusting to my being away from her for most of her waking hours. So it's just a joy to think about her and to be with her at night when I know she was happy during the day. Baby boy is also adjusting well to his new nannies. He just loves to play and anytime I can spend with him after putting baby girl to sleep, I play with him. He then refuses to sleep without me, which melts my heart. I love this active playful boy! This morning, he purposely picked up a clean bottle on the kitchen countertop in front of me and then put two quarters in it from the floor, which he knows annoys the hell out of me because it's dirty. He then ran out the kitchen, looked back with that little smile of his expecting me to trace after him for it. I would love to but I was really not in the mood. This is why.
How would you feel if you got home after a long day of work and see that all your living room furnitures are flushed against the walls. The room felt so big that I cannot imagine having a conversation without screaming unless one is standing in front of the one sitting on the coach. Imagine, I have two coaches and they are pretty far apart. The dining table and chairs are render useless because it's completely inaccessible. Ethan's toys are all flushed underneath the window. Who is going to clean his toys everyday that no doubt will collect all the dust from the outside? Not the MIL since she is the last person on earth who sees any dirt, mess, or grease. This is no joke. There is not a bit of housekeeping instinct in her. And artistic taste in furniture arrangements? God help me! She had voiced to me how she wanted my living room furnitures arranged when we first purchased the coaches and TV video cabinet. I told her outright that I liked the way I arranged the pieces, and that it's comfortable. When Ethan started running around the couch that's in the center of the living room, she didn't like it. I didn't care. Then Ethan started climbing on it. She told me it's better feng Shui to have the coach flushed against the wall, and that Ethan is going to get hurt if I don't do that. I said no. I simply told Ethan not to climb on the back of the sofa. Ethan stops when I tell him. My MIL has no ability to stop Ethan. I wonder why. I think she simply wanted to use this as an excuse to rearrange the furnitures the way she wants to do it.
I was very disoriented and upset when I first got home. Then I realized my MIL and the nannies are in the apartment most of their waking hours, and the kids are going to be little for only a little longer, I shouldn't take this too seriously. Then as the night went on, I really felt uncomfortable in my own home. It felt empty . . . unwelcoming . . . barren . . . and I was not in my element and not in control of my life. My home is suppose to make me feel relaxed but I don't. The thing is, this weekend JK and I were just thinking about how to rearrange the furnitures so that the caretakers will feel comfortable. We couldn't come up with a new arrangement. So I did consider their needs. The fact is, their idea of a comfortable home is very different from mine. I need to feel my home is beautiful and artistic, that everything has a place. Random placement of furnitures is not me. When I tried to express my discomfort to JK, he turned a deaf ear, as it's the case anytime I talked about disagreements involving his mother. So what next? I want to let it go because my kids come first. But the last time I let things go with my MIL taking over was when she insisted that I did not have enough milk and Ethan needs to eat, so Ethan was barely breastfed. The last time I "let it go" was because my relationship with JK was paramount, and the relationship got worse because his mother just didn't know when to stop taking over. Do I let it go now? Or do I nip it at the bud?
JW
Baby girl is a happy jolly little being who laughs when she wakes up in the morning and laughs even more when she gets your attention. She is also adjusting to my being away from her for most of her waking hours. So it's just a joy to think about her and to be with her at night when I know she was happy during the day. Baby boy is also adjusting well to his new nannies. He just loves to play and anytime I can spend with him after putting baby girl to sleep, I play with him. He then refuses to sleep without me, which melts my heart. I love this active playful boy! This morning, he purposely picked up a clean bottle on the kitchen countertop in front of me and then put two quarters in it from the floor, which he knows annoys the hell out of me because it's dirty. He then ran out the kitchen, looked back with that little smile of his expecting me to trace after him for it. I would love to but I was really not in the mood. This is why.
How would you feel if you got home after a long day of work and see that all your living room furnitures are flushed against the walls. The room felt so big that I cannot imagine having a conversation without screaming unless one is standing in front of the one sitting on the coach. Imagine, I have two coaches and they are pretty far apart. The dining table and chairs are render useless because it's completely inaccessible. Ethan's toys are all flushed underneath the window. Who is going to clean his toys everyday that no doubt will collect all the dust from the outside? Not the MIL since she is the last person on earth who sees any dirt, mess, or grease. This is no joke. There is not a bit of housekeeping instinct in her. And artistic taste in furniture arrangements? God help me! She had voiced to me how she wanted my living room furnitures arranged when we first purchased the coaches and TV video cabinet. I told her outright that I liked the way I arranged the pieces, and that it's comfortable. When Ethan started running around the couch that's in the center of the living room, she didn't like it. I didn't care. Then Ethan started climbing on it. She told me it's better feng Shui to have the coach flushed against the wall, and that Ethan is going to get hurt if I don't do that. I said no. I simply told Ethan not to climb on the back of the sofa. Ethan stops when I tell him. My MIL has no ability to stop Ethan. I wonder why. I think she simply wanted to use this as an excuse to rearrange the furnitures the way she wants to do it.
I was very disoriented and upset when I first got home. Then I realized my MIL and the nannies are in the apartment most of their waking hours, and the kids are going to be little for only a little longer, I shouldn't take this too seriously. Then as the night went on, I really felt uncomfortable in my own home. It felt empty . . . unwelcoming . . . barren . . . and I was not in my element and not in control of my life. My home is suppose to make me feel relaxed but I don't. The thing is, this weekend JK and I were just thinking about how to rearrange the furnitures so that the caretakers will feel comfortable. We couldn't come up with a new arrangement. So I did consider their needs. The fact is, their idea of a comfortable home is very different from mine. I need to feel my home is beautiful and artistic, that everything has a place. Random placement of furnitures is not me. When I tried to express my discomfort to JK, he turned a deaf ear, as it's the case anytime I talked about disagreements involving his mother. So what next? I want to let it go because my kids come first. But the last time I let things go with my MIL taking over was when she insisted that I did not have enough milk and Ethan needs to eat, so Ethan was barely breastfed. The last time I "let it go" was because my relationship with JK was paramount, and the relationship got worse because his mother just didn't know when to stop taking over. Do I let it go now? Or do I nip it at the bud?
JW
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
A New Job?
It felt unreal this morning when I had to get dressed to go to work. I watched baby girl wake up in search of me next to her. When I was not, she yelled out, "Hey!" I naturally laid down next to her and held her close like I always did when she starts to wake up. Today, I had to cut the cuddling time down to just a brief moment. It was hard to watch her struggle to open her eyes when she could definitely sleep some more.
The travel to work was great - a short bus ride and I was right there in the office. Not long enough to read anything meaningful, unfortunately. When I walked into the office, a sleek looking flat panel monitor stared back. I was in shock. Is this my office? Upon further inspection, there was a laptop underneath it so it was apparently used as the harddrive too. On top of the laptop was a USB pen. Wow Wow! No more CDs or 3x3 disks. Best of all, I spotted a black wheelable briefcase underneath one of my tables, still enclosed in the clear plastic bag. No more asking around who has the trial briefcase next time I need one. After so many years, the government is finally investing in technology to bring up efficiency.
JW
P.S. I missed my babies.
It felt unreal this morning when I had to get dressed to go to work. I watched baby girl wake up in search of me next to her. When I was not, she yelled out, "Hey!" I naturally laid down next to her and held her close like I always did when she starts to wake up. Today, I had to cut the cuddling time down to just a brief moment. It was hard to watch her struggle to open her eyes when she could definitely sleep some more.
The travel to work was great - a short bus ride and I was right there in the office. Not long enough to read anything meaningful, unfortunately. When I walked into the office, a sleek looking flat panel monitor stared back. I was in shock. Is this my office? Upon further inspection, there was a laptop underneath it so it was apparently used as the harddrive too. On top of the laptop was a USB pen. Wow Wow! No more CDs or 3x3 disks. Best of all, I spotted a black wheelable briefcase underneath one of my tables, still enclosed in the clear plastic bag. No more asking around who has the trial briefcase next time I need one. After so many years, the government is finally investing in technology to bring up efficiency.
JW
P.S. I missed my babies.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Father's Log, Star Date 2007.05.28 (Memorial Day)
It's wearisome to be a parent. Today Ethan and I were at Grandma's for dinner; Mama and Artie stayed home. Uncle D, Aunt N and their girls were over as well. I opted to drink some soup and catch 25 minutes of sleep instead of joining the family for dinner. When I woke up, Ethan was still sitting in the baby seat while the rest of the family were repositioned around the living room after the meal. I asked my dad if he's being punished and was relieved when I found out that he wasn't. (You have to understand that I had returned home from work last Thursday and Friday to find Ethan who was being punished by his mom, and was sitting buckled in his kiddie chair for two consecutive days.)
Well, I wanted to write about how wearisome it is to be a parent, and the lack of sleep is making it difficult to lock on to a single cohesive thought. Anyway, if you know me, you'll know I don't typically pass up on food. But I did tonight because sleep was that much more vital. Maybe it was the program on Sleep that was broadcast by NPR this Sunday. It noted that the lack of sleep bends a person's protein and makes it difficult for the body to absorb, thereby leaving a toxic buildup which leads to fatigue. This buildup can only be cleansed through sleep.
Then you may be wondering, why I'm up at 11:43pm typing on this blog. Well, I didn't think it would be fair that Mama's voice be the only one that is recorded in this evolving journal.
There's a whole bunch of things that I want to write about today, but I guess I'll skip most of them for only one revealing point. My nephew told me that he had made it to Mark Twain Junior High School. It's a specialized school in Brooklyn. I was happy for him, then I asked if his good friend HK made it there as well.
He said, no. He's going to a regular school, there were only two people in his class who made it to Mark Twain. I see my nephew was a little disappointed by the fact that his best friend could not go with him. I was shocked.
The last time I had seen HK with my nephew was about 3 years ago. At that time I saw HK as being extremely bright and carried himself with as much self-confidence as a 10 (?) year old could.
I asked my sister, "Isn't HK really very intelligent?"
She replied, "Yeah, so what. He started playing video games." That was all the explanation she gave, and that was all the explanation she needed.
A person's aptitude may be God given. But, hard work and perseverance are things that need to be developed.
Success = Skill + Will + Luck
(You'll need at least two of the three to have a fighting chance.)
As a parent, my mission is to make sure Ethan and Artie refine their skills and build up their determination/work ethics. This will minimize their reliance on luck.
-Papi
It's wearisome to be a parent. Today Ethan and I were at Grandma's for dinner; Mama and Artie stayed home. Uncle D, Aunt N and their girls were over as well. I opted to drink some soup and catch 25 minutes of sleep instead of joining the family for dinner. When I woke up, Ethan was still sitting in the baby seat while the rest of the family were repositioned around the living room after the meal. I asked my dad if he's being punished and was relieved when I found out that he wasn't. (You have to understand that I had returned home from work last Thursday and Friday to find Ethan who was being punished by his mom, and was sitting buckled in his kiddie chair for two consecutive days.)
Well, I wanted to write about how wearisome it is to be a parent, and the lack of sleep is making it difficult to lock on to a single cohesive thought. Anyway, if you know me, you'll know I don't typically pass up on food. But I did tonight because sleep was that much more vital. Maybe it was the program on Sleep that was broadcast by NPR this Sunday. It noted that the lack of sleep bends a person's protein and makes it difficult for the body to absorb, thereby leaving a toxic buildup which leads to fatigue. This buildup can only be cleansed through sleep.
Then you may be wondering, why I'm up at 11:43pm typing on this blog. Well, I didn't think it would be fair that Mama's voice be the only one that is recorded in this evolving journal.
There's a whole bunch of things that I want to write about today, but I guess I'll skip most of them for only one revealing point. My nephew told me that he had made it to Mark Twain Junior High School. It's a specialized school in Brooklyn. I was happy for him, then I asked if his good friend HK made it there as well.
He said, no. He's going to a regular school, there were only two people in his class who made it to Mark Twain. I see my nephew was a little disappointed by the fact that his best friend could not go with him. I was shocked.
The last time I had seen HK with my nephew was about 3 years ago. At that time I saw HK as being extremely bright and carried himself with as much self-confidence as a 10 (?) year old could.
I asked my sister, "Isn't HK really very intelligent?"
She replied, "Yeah, so what. He started playing video games." That was all the explanation she gave, and that was all the explanation she needed.
A person's aptitude may be God given. But, hard work and perseverance are things that need to be developed.
Success = Skill + Will + Luck
(You'll need at least two of the three to have a fighting chance.)
As a parent, my mission is to make sure Ethan and Artie refine their skills and build up their determination/work ethics. This will minimize their reliance on luck.
-Papi
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Being Parents
Today turned awefully hot but we ventured out at about 5:00 p.m. to shop for plastic bowls and spoons for Ethan. He also loves to steal our chop sticks during dinner so we wanted to get a shorter pair for him. When daddy got home early at 4:00 p.m. because of Memorial Day weekend, he decided to put baby girl on his back with his mother's baby sling, which is the Chinese style babywearing clothe you probably have seen old Chinese ladies wear with their grand child on their backs. Baby girl had not slept much during the day because I didn't have time to put her on the baby bione. Well, JK is not exactly a small person and baby girl is not exactly big but as soon as she was on his back, she fell limp and asleep. We started walking out and both his mom and I couldn't stop laughing because his mother's sling is at least 20 years old with another clothe that his mom stitched onto it bring up the baby's head. JK and the sling just look like a perfect mismatch - a modernly dressed man with a bright red heavily used Chinese lady baby sling. As could be expected, JK said, "A daddy's got to do what a daddy's got to do." So that was how she was carried for three blocks until I couldn't help worrying that baby girl is going to slip through the bottom and daddy is not fast enough to catch her. I put her on the bione and felt a lot better. Then we continued our quest to the inner depth of Chinatown.
When we got home at 6:30 or so, it was another battle of me in a marithon to nurse baby girl, who by then was VERY hungry upon waking up, and to make dinner. Now I am quite an expert and dinner was ready in 20 minutes - consisting of a fish, meat patty, rice and left over soup from the night before. Ethan has learned to refuse any help with his dinner and throws out anything we put in his bowl. Today, ten minutes into eating he was done and started his routine of pouring everything in his bowl onto the table and then pushing that food onto the floor. If he has a bowl of soup, he would submerge his right hand in the bowl and play with the content in a circular fashion until the splashing effect occurs. He also tries to grab our chop sticks repeatedly, which is quite annoying when one is trying to eat and finish dinner fast. We couldn't find the little wooden chop stick we bought for him today. Despite all the commotion at the dinner table, it's kinda funny when we look at Ethan objectively - he is a lively little human being.
Baby girl has her quirks when eating too. The typical nursing session involves her snapping away numerous times to look the other way to see what's happening, even if nothing is happening because we are basically alone. I must have talked to her alot in the past. Now she loves to chit chat and laugh during nursing. So nursing her takes 30 to 45 minutes and lots of "directing" her back to the task.
All in all, my last three months at home has been quite rewarding - I watched Artimus and Ethan grow and got a chance to get to know them. Artimus is really a girlly girl who is probably going to be a chatter box. Ethan is so full of energy and vitality he couldn't slow down to sleep without help. Yup, the king size mattress was nice and comfortable but the way Ethan swims in it there was no way baby girl and I could fit in. So JK and I are officially slaves to our children with no lives of OUR own. Another recent development that I noticed is that the first words out of Ethan when he wakes up in the morning and from his nap is "mui mui?", which meant little sister in Chinese. I wish it is, "ma ma?" but "mui mui" is fine. Ethan is also imitating the way we play with mui mui, like the exaggerated tone of voice I use and daddy's daily routine of exercising her leg muscles. It's kinda cute . . . until Ethan gets really excited that he grabs her little hand and put it in his mouth.
JK and I are still struggling to find time for ourselves. We absolutely don't have time together. Perhaps it is the acceptance of that that we each are just trying to find time to be on our own. My time to be alone is between 2 am to 4 am. It feels great but the morning is horrendous 'cause I couldn't open my eyes.
I didn't get to cross off much on my To-Do list for this maternity leave, like learn how to knit, learn how to use the oven, learn to record on the i-river and convert to mp3, design more earrings etc. But those are small things. The big things like moving to Manhattan, closing the Queens apartment, and finding childcare for Ethan and Artimus are all accomplished. Now, I can go back to work with the convenience of just going home to see them at the end of the day.
So all in all, it's not so bad being a parent - at the end of the day, I always get to laugh about what happened during the day.
JW
P.S. Excuse any spelling and grammatical mistakes because now you know when I write this blog. And thanks for keeping up with us via this blog. This is and has been a great way for me to feel connected to friends and family.
Today turned awefully hot but we ventured out at about 5:00 p.m. to shop for plastic bowls and spoons for Ethan. He also loves to steal our chop sticks during dinner so we wanted to get a shorter pair for him. When daddy got home early at 4:00 p.m. because of Memorial Day weekend, he decided to put baby girl on his back with his mother's baby sling, which is the Chinese style babywearing clothe you probably have seen old Chinese ladies wear with their grand child on their backs. Baby girl had not slept much during the day because I didn't have time to put her on the baby bione. Well, JK is not exactly a small person and baby girl is not exactly big but as soon as she was on his back, she fell limp and asleep. We started walking out and both his mom and I couldn't stop laughing because his mother's sling is at least 20 years old with another clothe that his mom stitched onto it bring up the baby's head. JK and the sling just look like a perfect mismatch - a modernly dressed man with a bright red heavily used Chinese lady baby sling. As could be expected, JK said, "A daddy's got to do what a daddy's got to do." So that was how she was carried for three blocks until I couldn't help worrying that baby girl is going to slip through the bottom and daddy is not fast enough to catch her. I put her on the bione and felt a lot better. Then we continued our quest to the inner depth of Chinatown.
When we got home at 6:30 or so, it was another battle of me in a marithon to nurse baby girl, who by then was VERY hungry upon waking up, and to make dinner. Now I am quite an expert and dinner was ready in 20 minutes - consisting of a fish, meat patty, rice and left over soup from the night before. Ethan has learned to refuse any help with his dinner and throws out anything we put in his bowl. Today, ten minutes into eating he was done and started his routine of pouring everything in his bowl onto the table and then pushing that food onto the floor. If he has a bowl of soup, he would submerge his right hand in the bowl and play with the content in a circular fashion until the splashing effect occurs. He also tries to grab our chop sticks repeatedly, which is quite annoying when one is trying to eat and finish dinner fast. We couldn't find the little wooden chop stick we bought for him today. Despite all the commotion at the dinner table, it's kinda funny when we look at Ethan objectively - he is a lively little human being.
Baby girl has her quirks when eating too. The typical nursing session involves her snapping away numerous times to look the other way to see what's happening, even if nothing is happening because we are basically alone. I must have talked to her alot in the past. Now she loves to chit chat and laugh during nursing. So nursing her takes 30 to 45 minutes and lots of "directing" her back to the task.
All in all, my last three months at home has been quite rewarding - I watched Artimus and Ethan grow and got a chance to get to know them. Artimus is really a girlly girl who is probably going to be a chatter box. Ethan is so full of energy and vitality he couldn't slow down to sleep without help. Yup, the king size mattress was nice and comfortable but the way Ethan swims in it there was no way baby girl and I could fit in. So JK and I are officially slaves to our children with no lives of OUR own. Another recent development that I noticed is that the first words out of Ethan when he wakes up in the morning and from his nap is "mui mui?", which meant little sister in Chinese. I wish it is, "ma ma?" but "mui mui" is fine. Ethan is also imitating the way we play with mui mui, like the exaggerated tone of voice I use and daddy's daily routine of exercising her leg muscles. It's kinda cute . . . until Ethan gets really excited that he grabs her little hand and put it in his mouth.
JK and I are still struggling to find time for ourselves. We absolutely don't have time together. Perhaps it is the acceptance of that that we each are just trying to find time to be on our own. My time to be alone is between 2 am to 4 am. It feels great but the morning is horrendous 'cause I couldn't open my eyes.
I didn't get to cross off much on my To-Do list for this maternity leave, like learn how to knit, learn how to use the oven, learn to record on the i-river and convert to mp3, design more earrings etc. But those are small things. The big things like moving to Manhattan, closing the Queens apartment, and finding childcare for Ethan and Artimus are all accomplished. Now, I can go back to work with the convenience of just going home to see them at the end of the day.
So all in all, it's not so bad being a parent - at the end of the day, I always get to laugh about what happened during the day.
JW
P.S. Excuse any spelling and grammatical mistakes because now you know when I write this blog. And thanks for keeping up with us via this blog. This is and has been a great way for me to feel connected to friends and family.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Unspoken Battle with the In-Laws
Today, again, my MIL chooses to take care of Ethan in her apartment and I will likely be separated from him again. Ethan stayed overnight because JK has an early meeting at work today. I called bright and early to see if I could tell her to bring him over after playing in the park. But no one answered the phone, so they took off even earlier. This is my last week at home with the kids. I will not have this kind of time for a very long time. So I am anxious to be with him. Granted, the king size mattress was delivered yesterday and we will all be able to sleep together at night.
Yesterday was Monday and I dragged myself and Artimus over for dinner because JK really wanted me and baby girl there. I announced that I would not want to ruin dinner when Artimus starts to cry so I would leave as soon as she starts crying and wants to sleep. That promptly started at 7:30 pm and I left. When JK and I got a moment to converse that night, he said he didn't want to tell me what happened after I left. Well, that just meant he has to tell me. He couldn't keep anything in anyway so he told me his parents lied to Ethan when Ethan said, "Ba Ba?", that he had left when he was in the bathroom, you know, for a long time. Then when Ethan said, "Ma Ma?" His mom said that I don't love him anymore and that I only love his sister. JK told me he confronted his mother, which is all that I wanted to hear. I can't control his parents. JK bares more responsibility for his parents' actions than me.
JW
Today, again, my MIL chooses to take care of Ethan in her apartment and I will likely be separated from him again. Ethan stayed overnight because JK has an early meeting at work today. I called bright and early to see if I could tell her to bring him over after playing in the park. But no one answered the phone, so they took off even earlier. This is my last week at home with the kids. I will not have this kind of time for a very long time. So I am anxious to be with him. Granted, the king size mattress was delivered yesterday and we will all be able to sleep together at night.
Yesterday was Monday and I dragged myself and Artimus over for dinner because JK really wanted me and baby girl there. I announced that I would not want to ruin dinner when Artimus starts to cry so I would leave as soon as she starts crying and wants to sleep. That promptly started at 7:30 pm and I left. When JK and I got a moment to converse that night, he said he didn't want to tell me what happened after I left. Well, that just meant he has to tell me. He couldn't keep anything in anyway so he told me his parents lied to Ethan when Ethan said, "Ba Ba?", that he had left when he was in the bathroom, you know, for a long time. Then when Ethan said, "Ma Ma?" His mom said that I don't love him anymore and that I only love his sister. JK told me he confronted his mother, which is all that I wanted to hear. I can't control his parents. JK bares more responsibility for his parents' actions than me.
JW
Monday, May 21, 2007
What A Day! (Interviewing Nannies)
After placing a "help wanted" ad for a nanny on the Sing Tao newspaper on Thursday, which went to print on Friday, my cell phone practically rang off the hook. It was impossible to do anything else besides answering the phone. At first I took notes. Then it just got impossible. So I told the ladies to come for an interview today. So about ten made it to the apartment. It was quite a learning experience. The first one came bright and early, at 9:45 a.m., talked only about money and what kind of cleaning and cooking needed to be done. She came with her daughter. That was a 10 minutes interview and I dismissed her. The second came with a daughter as well, who talked as much as her. JK gave her a chance at interacting with Ethan and Ethan got her wrapped around his fingers in two seconds. Ethan didn't care for her but she was a great vehicle to get around. So the interview ended quickly. Then two others were very smooth with their talk about how great they are at taking care of both kids, clean and could cook as well. I dismissed them because there was no love of children in their voice, just their words. One woman told me she studied accupressure and other Tai Chi related exercises, that she could help my MIL with her hand which has been bothering her lately. The only lady I liked was a woman who never took care of anyone else's children but her own daughter. She was honest and direct. Her daughter was finishing up her first year at Harvard so she has been looking for work since the daughter went to college. She thought the hours we wanted, which is from 9:00 to 5:00 Monday to Friday, at 7.15 per hour, very reasonable for her. The only problem was that we want to give her a 1099 at the end of the year requiring her to pay taxes in full. Actually, almost all the ladies we interviewed had a problem with that because they cannot earn over a certain amount in order to stay qualified for a certain government sponsored health insurance. Without that, they could not afford healthcare, which meant it would be better not to work. As for this Harvard lady, her daughter also depends on financial aid to attend Harvard so an increase in the family's income would seriously affect how much they would end up paying in tuition. So all in all, it was a full day of talking to desperate Chinese middle-aged ladies in search of work because they were too young to retire but too old to be hired in a competitive work place. The minimum wage that I offered them was actually very attractive. The fact that I only require them to take care of my children and just make sure my home is neat and clean, with priority on my children, got them all wanting the job badly. My MIL told me that the other ads wanted the person to cook for the family, clean the house and take care of multiple kids with much longer hours and more days for not much more than I offered.
Well, at the end of the day, one of JK's aunt heard that we were hiring and told us she would split the job with a friend. She would work three days and the friend would do two. That her friend would mop our floor on those two days. I was just exhilarated when I heard she was able to take care of my children. She came to visit us when we first moved to the Lower East Side. During that visit, she just loved playing with Ethan and stated affirmatively that taking care of children is not work. Back when she was in China, she was an elementary school teacher. She now works as a home health aide taking care of elderlies from Saturday to Tuesday night.
So the ordeal is over . . . for now. There is always drawbacks to hire a relative as the nanny especially when JK's family is very strong on deference based on age and where one is located on the family hierarchy. At the same time, I also feel safe that it's a family relative who will care for my children because I know that she will care more than if it's a stranger. Afterall, she said it's not really work, right?
There is a big lesson today. I feel sad for all the ladies I met. Most of all, it is clear to me that I must work hard to make sure I will not have to desperately look for work when I get to be in my late forties and fifties. From what I experienced today, I think the economy and society need to find a way to employ so many willing and able middle aged women. Many of them are obviously suffering some form of depression from being rejected as healthy and useful members of society. Aging is a natural process. Since we all age, it should not be punished.
JW
P.S. I insisted on getting the bed frame and we bought it. JK came up with a really good reason why a second hand bed frame is no problem - both our children were made aboard and in a hotel bed, Ethan in Hong Kong and Artimus in Puerto Rico. Now you know why I love him.
After placing a "help wanted" ad for a nanny on the Sing Tao newspaper on Thursday, which went to print on Friday, my cell phone practically rang off the hook. It was impossible to do anything else besides answering the phone. At first I took notes. Then it just got impossible. So I told the ladies to come for an interview today. So about ten made it to the apartment. It was quite a learning experience. The first one came bright and early, at 9:45 a.m., talked only about money and what kind of cleaning and cooking needed to be done. She came with her daughter. That was a 10 minutes interview and I dismissed her. The second came with a daughter as well, who talked as much as her. JK gave her a chance at interacting with Ethan and Ethan got her wrapped around his fingers in two seconds. Ethan didn't care for her but she was a great vehicle to get around. So the interview ended quickly. Then two others were very smooth with their talk about how great they are at taking care of both kids, clean and could cook as well. I dismissed them because there was no love of children in their voice, just their words. One woman told me she studied accupressure and other Tai Chi related exercises, that she could help my MIL with her hand which has been bothering her lately. The only lady I liked was a woman who never took care of anyone else's children but her own daughter. She was honest and direct. Her daughter was finishing up her first year at Harvard so she has been looking for work since the daughter went to college. She thought the hours we wanted, which is from 9:00 to 5:00 Monday to Friday, at 7.15 per hour, very reasonable for her. The only problem was that we want to give her a 1099 at the end of the year requiring her to pay taxes in full. Actually, almost all the ladies we interviewed had a problem with that because they cannot earn over a certain amount in order to stay qualified for a certain government sponsored health insurance. Without that, they could not afford healthcare, which meant it would be better not to work. As for this Harvard lady, her daughter also depends on financial aid to attend Harvard so an increase in the family's income would seriously affect how much they would end up paying in tuition. So all in all, it was a full day of talking to desperate Chinese middle-aged ladies in search of work because they were too young to retire but too old to be hired in a competitive work place. The minimum wage that I offered them was actually very attractive. The fact that I only require them to take care of my children and just make sure my home is neat and clean, with priority on my children, got them all wanting the job badly. My MIL told me that the other ads wanted the person to cook for the family, clean the house and take care of multiple kids with much longer hours and more days for not much more than I offered.
Well, at the end of the day, one of JK's aunt heard that we were hiring and told us she would split the job with a friend. She would work three days and the friend would do two. That her friend would mop our floor on those two days. I was just exhilarated when I heard she was able to take care of my children. She came to visit us when we first moved to the Lower East Side. During that visit, she just loved playing with Ethan and stated affirmatively that taking care of children is not work. Back when she was in China, she was an elementary school teacher. She now works as a home health aide taking care of elderlies from Saturday to Tuesday night.
So the ordeal is over . . . for now. There is always drawbacks to hire a relative as the nanny especially when JK's family is very strong on deference based on age and where one is located on the family hierarchy. At the same time, I also feel safe that it's a family relative who will care for my children because I know that she will care more than if it's a stranger. Afterall, she said it's not really work, right?
There is a big lesson today. I feel sad for all the ladies I met. Most of all, it is clear to me that I must work hard to make sure I will not have to desperately look for work when I get to be in my late forties and fifties. From what I experienced today, I think the economy and society need to find a way to employ so many willing and able middle aged women. Many of them are obviously suffering some form of depression from being rejected as healthy and useful members of society. Aging is a natural process. Since we all age, it should not be punished.
JW
P.S. I insisted on getting the bed frame and we bought it. JK came up with a really good reason why a second hand bed frame is no problem - both our children were made aboard and in a hotel bed, Ethan in Hong Kong and Artimus in Puerto Rico. Now you know why I love him.
Monday, May 14, 2007
War with In-Laws Continues
When Ethan was sick last week, I decided that it's time to take an active role in taking care of him at night. Now that we sleep in separate rooms, it's impossible. Thus, my quest for a king size bed began. Last Friday, I found a decent price for an Ethan Allen king size bed. We went to see it but before we saw it, our rule was it has to be from a couple who are still alive and not in the process of getting a divorce. When the door opened, the owners were a happy couple with three children who were moving to another apartment and are buying all new furnitures so they were trying to get rid of their "old" furnitures. They showed us the bed frame and showed us how to put it together. I immediately fell in love with the condition. I casually asked if anything else is for sale. They said the coaches and basically everything else. So we also decided to buy the owner's couches and TV stand, all for a decent price. So I was really excited - finally we got a break on otherwise expensive items. The owner, the mother/wife, was really easy and gave me a price I could not refuse, and was very accommodating. It was basically a very happy transaction. We are scheduled to pick up the furnitures tomorrow. So all in all, it took three days. Then when JK came home, he relayed that his parents were opposed to us getting a second hand bed, and that FIL gave him about $1000 cash to get a new bed. I said it's only the bed frame. That we are not going to sleep on a used mattress. Still, JK explained, it's someone else's bed. JK agreed that logically, the bed frame is fine. But his parents will always feel negatively about it.
So how far are we going to go with the superstition? Where does it stop? I am not being cheap by buying used furnitures. It just makes sense to me to not spend so much on furnitures when we have young kids who will destroy them one way or another anyway. Apparently JK's parents are saying what we are doing say something about us as people. I don't know what that something is, and I really don't care. JK's parents are really good people but with a way of thinking that will never be compatible with me.
JW
When Ethan was sick last week, I decided that it's time to take an active role in taking care of him at night. Now that we sleep in separate rooms, it's impossible. Thus, my quest for a king size bed began. Last Friday, I found a decent price for an Ethan Allen king size bed. We went to see it but before we saw it, our rule was it has to be from a couple who are still alive and not in the process of getting a divorce. When the door opened, the owners were a happy couple with three children who were moving to another apartment and are buying all new furnitures so they were trying to get rid of their "old" furnitures. They showed us the bed frame and showed us how to put it together. I immediately fell in love with the condition. I casually asked if anything else is for sale. They said the coaches and basically everything else. So we also decided to buy the owner's couches and TV stand, all for a decent price. So I was really excited - finally we got a break on otherwise expensive items. The owner, the mother/wife, was really easy and gave me a price I could not refuse, and was very accommodating. It was basically a very happy transaction. We are scheduled to pick up the furnitures tomorrow. So all in all, it took three days. Then when JK came home, he relayed that his parents were opposed to us getting a second hand bed, and that FIL gave him about $1000 cash to get a new bed. I said it's only the bed frame. That we are not going to sleep on a used mattress. Still, JK explained, it's someone else's bed. JK agreed that logically, the bed frame is fine. But his parents will always feel negatively about it.
So how far are we going to go with the superstition? Where does it stop? I am not being cheap by buying used furnitures. It just makes sense to me to not spend so much on furnitures when we have young kids who will destroy them one way or another anyway. Apparently JK's parents are saying what we are doing say something about us as people. I don't know what that something is, and I really don't care. JK's parents are really good people but with a way of thinking that will never be compatible with me.
JW
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Mothers Day
This day is no longer just for my mother. It is also a day for me to celebrate the joys I have now - two beautiful and healthy children. Most of all, I am still sane. Well, I am expecting my first baby-wearing sling to arrive in a few days - the Beco Baby Carrier. Yeah!!!! It's the hottest thing in the baby-wearing world. It's a new and improved back carrier invented by the Chinese. That's my Mothers Day gift charged to JK's credit card. Yeah!!!!!!
JW
This day is no longer just for my mother. It is also a day for me to celebrate the joys I have now - two beautiful and healthy children. Most of all, I am still sane. Well, I am expecting my first baby-wearing sling to arrive in a few days - the Beco Baby Carrier. Yeah!!!! It's the hottest thing in the baby-wearing world. It's a new and improved back carrier invented by the Chinese. That's my Mothers Day gift charged to JK's credit card. Yeah!!!!!!
JW
First Family Day in the Park
We went to Central Park on the Upper East Side yesterday afternoon, May 12th. It was a warm partly cloudy day with sufficient sun to draw families with children out for some air. So I laid out the blanket and nursed Artimus. JK arrived with Ethan after he parked the car. Ethan was asleep in the stroller. JK announced that he would take the opportunity to catch up on sleep. So down he laid on the grass and snored. After I nursed Artimus, she was tired so I put her in the bjorn and walked around till she fell asleep. Then I watched other families play softball, frisby, soccer and other fun games. Kids also rode their bike. That was our family afternoon at the park. When JK and Ethan woke up two hours later, they were dazed for the next 30 minutes. Ethan ate cheerios while staring at kids and fathers around him. Daddy was looking around too while eating some other snacks. Probably checking out the cute women lying on the grass for a tan. My feet hurt from standing and walking around with Artimus on the Bjorn. It's a quiet kind of day in the park. It's interesting and almost humorous memory to have in the memory bank.
JW
We went to Central Park on the Upper East Side yesterday afternoon, May 12th. It was a warm partly cloudy day with sufficient sun to draw families with children out for some air. So I laid out the blanket and nursed Artimus. JK arrived with Ethan after he parked the car. Ethan was asleep in the stroller. JK announced that he would take the opportunity to catch up on sleep. So down he laid on the grass and snored. After I nursed Artimus, she was tired so I put her in the bjorn and walked around till she fell asleep. Then I watched other families play softball, frisby, soccer and other fun games. Kids also rode their bike. That was our family afternoon at the park. When JK and Ethan woke up two hours later, they were dazed for the next 30 minutes. Ethan ate cheerios while staring at kids and fathers around him. Daddy was looking around too while eating some other snacks. Probably checking out the cute women lying on the grass for a tan. My feet hurt from standing and walking around with Artimus on the Bjorn. It's a quiet kind of day in the park. It's interesting and almost humorous memory to have in the memory bank.
JW
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Day Care
It is that time of parenthood when daycare is the nagging difficult decision. I will be back at work in two weeks and we still don't feel comfortable about what will happen. We registered Ethan at the nearby Red Apple Day Care run by Chinese. The cost is reasonable but the daycare doesn't have any playground facility. The teacher student ratio is 6 to 1, not exactly legal for kids under 2. So as we get closer to beautiful weather and Ethan utter the words "paarrk paarrk" so eloquently every morning, demanding to go out, there is this aching feeling that he will be miserable. We don't have a solution yet but I am losing sleep trying to figure out something before I go back to work. My dream is that Fedkids, the daycare in Federal Plaza, will have an opening for Ethan. It's a lot more expensive than Red Apple, but it has outdoor and indoor playgrounds. I have been told that the waiting list is long and there are only ten spots but Ethan is high up there with a few kids ahead of him. It is the time of Ethan's life when he just wants to run around to explore his world and his ability to conquer it. Can't deny that happiness if I can help it.
JW
P.S. Ethan was sick with a fever between 102 and 104 from Sunday through Wednesday. He lost appetite and could sleep well, but playful as usual. He got a virus probably from eating with dirty hands. We have to do a better job making sure he cleans his hands before he eats.
It is that time of parenthood when daycare is the nagging difficult decision. I will be back at work in two weeks and we still don't feel comfortable about what will happen. We registered Ethan at the nearby Red Apple Day Care run by Chinese. The cost is reasonable but the daycare doesn't have any playground facility. The teacher student ratio is 6 to 1, not exactly legal for kids under 2. So as we get closer to beautiful weather and Ethan utter the words "paarrk paarrk" so eloquently every morning, demanding to go out, there is this aching feeling that he will be miserable. We don't have a solution yet but I am losing sleep trying to figure out something before I go back to work. My dream is that Fedkids, the daycare in Federal Plaza, will have an opening for Ethan. It's a lot more expensive than Red Apple, but it has outdoor and indoor playgrounds. I have been told that the waiting list is long and there are only ten spots but Ethan is high up there with a few kids ahead of him. It is the time of Ethan's life when he just wants to run around to explore his world and his ability to conquer it. Can't deny that happiness if I can help it.
JW
P.S. Ethan was sick with a fever between 102 and 104 from Sunday through Wednesday. He lost appetite and could sleep well, but playful as usual. He got a virus probably from eating with dirty hands. We have to do a better job making sure he cleans his hands before he eats.
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