Happiness
Sometimes, when JK and I see couples holding hands and enjoying their private conversation at a table next to ours in a restaurant, we long for those days when we were having such relaxing and romantic time. Our conversations were always more abstract and cerebral, and even sexy. Now, with two kids, it's quite simple - "You get the bag and take Ethan down first and I'll carry Artimus and our stuff," "You go out first to get the car, swing back and I'll be ready with all the baby gears and the baby," "Can you feed him while I eat and when I am done I'll take over?" or "You could eat first [and I'll feed Ethan and rock Artimus] but please do it fast because I am hungry." The phone conversations are even more direct - "Come home soon. I am dying here. Can't take it any longer."
But, despite the major changes in our relationship because of children, there are more moments now that we look at each other and feel a special bond - he is the father of my children and I am the mother of his children. Every smile and laughter from Ethan and Artimus bring a big laugh and relief to us because they are happy. Every milestone they reach is deeply recorded in our memory and we can't help but talk about it whenever we have a moment to ourselves. Ethan's repeated attempts to climb up to the table; his way of playing hide and seek which is just not seeing you; his tandrums; his new words which are always words that he really needs like "No", "down", and "dow dow" which is peas, his favorite food, in Cantonese; his cheeks reaching out to other people's lips when he wants to be kissed; and Artimus' koos and other sounds. This is the happiness that we share now and I think only parents of young children of their age can understand the joy that they bring to us. This is happiness that require a lot of work while not getting a lot of sleep. But it makes us more youthful at heart. We miss the old days but now is also a moment we will miss later.
JW
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Breastfeeding Fear Put to Rest For Now
After much up and downs in what I see of my milk production, I finally went to see Dr. Lauren Macaluso, a lactation doctor out in Little Neck, Long Island. She is a friendly one with much encouraging words. Artimus was striped naked and weighed just before feeding. We talked while I nursed and right after the nursing, Artimus was put back on the scale. She took in 2.5 ounces in about half an hour's time. I normally nurse her for about forty-five minutes to an hour. I felt relieved, exhilarated, vindicated . . . finally, it is confirmed that the electric pump is not as efficient as a baby and Artimus was getting enough milk. Dr. Macaluso observed the nursing and confirmed that all that I was doing was good. Then the avalanche of questions from me - how does one increase and maintain production, when does the benefit of breastmilk decrease, what is the effect of clotting, etc. She patiently answered my questions. I basically knew all the answers because I had been reading but it's nice to hear it from a doctor. I also reviewed the history of Artimus' weight gain since birth. Dr. Macaluso confirmed she was growing at a rate that was as expected. Great. FYI, Artimus is now 10.3 ounces, more or less.
So for fifty dollars of copay, my mind is at ease. The in-laws and my parents always have that worry look on their face when they see Artimus. They know how strongly I feel about breastfeeding so they all tried to keep their opinion to themselves. But JK periodically informs me that his parents are concerned about her size. Well, I feel no obligation to anyone but Artimus. Dr. Macaluso showed me a growth chart that took into account of breastfed babies. According to that chart, her weight is actually in or about the 85 percentile rather than 30. I did not discuss my visit with my parents or the in-laws. I just don't see the need to justify my decision to breastfeed. They just have to know that I am doing my best as her mother and that I will never starve her. What mothers in their right minds would starve their baby? I am also told that although the nutritional value of breast milk decrease when the baby begins on solid food, the antibodies from breast milk continues in the breast milk for as long as the baby is getting it. With this information, I am contemplating nursing Artimus until she turns one.
JW
After much up and downs in what I see of my milk production, I finally went to see Dr. Lauren Macaluso, a lactation doctor out in Little Neck, Long Island. She is a friendly one with much encouraging words. Artimus was striped naked and weighed just before feeding. We talked while I nursed and right after the nursing, Artimus was put back on the scale. She took in 2.5 ounces in about half an hour's time. I normally nurse her for about forty-five minutes to an hour. I felt relieved, exhilarated, vindicated . . . finally, it is confirmed that the electric pump is not as efficient as a baby and Artimus was getting enough milk. Dr. Macaluso observed the nursing and confirmed that all that I was doing was good. Then the avalanche of questions from me - how does one increase and maintain production, when does the benefit of breastmilk decrease, what is the effect of clotting, etc. She patiently answered my questions. I basically knew all the answers because I had been reading but it's nice to hear it from a doctor. I also reviewed the history of Artimus' weight gain since birth. Dr. Macaluso confirmed she was growing at a rate that was as expected. Great. FYI, Artimus is now 10.3 ounces, more or less.
So for fifty dollars of copay, my mind is at ease. The in-laws and my parents always have that worry look on their face when they see Artimus. They know how strongly I feel about breastfeeding so they all tried to keep their opinion to themselves. But JK periodically informs me that his parents are concerned about her size. Well, I feel no obligation to anyone but Artimus. Dr. Macaluso showed me a growth chart that took into account of breastfed babies. According to that chart, her weight is actually in or about the 85 percentile rather than 30. I did not discuss my visit with my parents or the in-laws. I just don't see the need to justify my decision to breastfeed. They just have to know that I am doing my best as her mother and that I will never starve her. What mothers in their right minds would starve their baby? I am also told that although the nutritional value of breast milk decrease when the baby begins on solid food, the antibodies from breast milk continues in the breast milk for as long as the baby is getting it. With this information, I am contemplating nursing Artimus until she turns one.
JW
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Daddy's New Found Joy
I don't think JK or his family was in any ways excited about the birth of Artimus. They were expecting another addition to the family but not excited like they were when Ethan was about to be born. During the entire pregnancy, JK was planning a third and hoping that would be a boy to continue the Ho family line. JK's mom often said it's really a boy or no one knows if it's a boy or a girl until the child is born. Well, Artimus has been a lovely joy to at least JK. Don't know about the others since they don't see Artimus that often. They were not anxious to see her anyways.
Now, Daddy often says he has no idea why he wanted a boy so much when a girl is such a perfect addition to our family. JK often holds her and expresses the most gentleness in tone and language that I have not seen him with Ethan. He sings too and gives her abundant kisses. He loves Ethan dearly of course. We miss him a lot when we don't see him but when we do, it is always a lot of work - cleaning after him, feeding him and putting him to sleep. He also demands all our attention. It's that age of toddlerhood. Although we both want him to grow maturer so we can be less tired and frustrated, I know we will both miss this innocent and wild phrase of his life in which he explores his freedom of movement and quest for cause and effect.
I just put Artimus to sleep. It's already 2:30 p.m. and we woke up together at about 7:30 this morning. She sleeps through the night from 11:00 p.m. to about 7:00 a.m. everyday, with minor variations. I co-sleep with her and nurse her when she stirs so she got use to not waking up. Hopefully this continues and I can sleep through the night with her when I go back to work. What a dream come true. I use to think that this only happens to other parents' young babies. I just have to work on putting her to sleep more during the day. She is quite attach to me physically and would open her eyes and coos or yell a bit as soon as I put her down. Little people are so smart.
JW
I don't think JK or his family was in any ways excited about the birth of Artimus. They were expecting another addition to the family but not excited like they were when Ethan was about to be born. During the entire pregnancy, JK was planning a third and hoping that would be a boy to continue the Ho family line. JK's mom often said it's really a boy or no one knows if it's a boy or a girl until the child is born. Well, Artimus has been a lovely joy to at least JK. Don't know about the others since they don't see Artimus that often. They were not anxious to see her anyways.
Now, Daddy often says he has no idea why he wanted a boy so much when a girl is such a perfect addition to our family. JK often holds her and expresses the most gentleness in tone and language that I have not seen him with Ethan. He sings too and gives her abundant kisses. He loves Ethan dearly of course. We miss him a lot when we don't see him but when we do, it is always a lot of work - cleaning after him, feeding him and putting him to sleep. He also demands all our attention. It's that age of toddlerhood. Although we both want him to grow maturer so we can be less tired and frustrated, I know we will both miss this innocent and wild phrase of his life in which he explores his freedom of movement and quest for cause and effect.
I just put Artimus to sleep. It's already 2:30 p.m. and we woke up together at about 7:30 this morning. She sleeps through the night from 11:00 p.m. to about 7:00 a.m. everyday, with minor variations. I co-sleep with her and nurse her when she stirs so she got use to not waking up. Hopefully this continues and I can sleep through the night with her when I go back to work. What a dream come true. I use to think that this only happens to other parents' young babies. I just have to work on putting her to sleep more during the day. She is quite attach to me physically and would open her eyes and coos or yell a bit as soon as I put her down. Little people are so smart.
JW
Saturday, April 14, 2007
They Are Growing Beautifully
Ethan now knows how to say "No" very accurately since he finds it useful to say all the time. He also calls every liquid "Nai Nai" which means milk in Cantonese. I didn't understand why until I hear the MIL calling the soup and the juice I gave him "Nai Nai". Well, it's my responsibility to teach him so I am glad that now we are in Manhattan and living only 15 minutes walking distance from her. We take care of Ethan and Artimus together everyday. Before I go back to work at the end of May, I hope that Ethan will improve his language skills many folds. As for discipline, he is like a sponge. With the right attitude from adults around him, I am confident that he will be a child with good social skills - i.e. like stop hitting other kids. The playroom in our building has exposed him to many other kids bigger and smaller than him. Each time he hits another kid, his playtime ends and we go home. If this doesn't work, I have to figure something out fast. So far, he is hitting another kid after about 20 minutes. Since I only have about one more month at home, any suggestions will be welcomed. Ethan has other bad habits too, like in want of a bottle of milk in the middle of the night even though he doesn't need it. When we were with him before Artimus came along, he could sleep through the night. When he got sick after Artimus was born, I suspect his appetite was so erratic that the MIL decided to just let him eat when he wants to, which I could understand.
Artimus is an angel. Since last week, she koos and smiles at me quite often. She has very attentive gazes. Unlike Ethan, she doesn't cry for no reason. She cries only when she is hungry or in want of company, particularly mine. Best of all, she sleeps easily at night and doesn't wake up crying like Ethan. I sleep with her and nurse her as soon as she stirs and she stirs only once or may be twice during the night so I actually get a lot of sleep considering she is a newborn.
Ethan is still learning to let her into our lives. Today he cried miserably when JK was putting Artimus on the babybione, which was once exclusively his. He also wanted JK to carry him on the backpack carrier, I think out of jealousy. Up until now, JK has been taking care of him in every way while I take care of Artimus. But when I cook, he has the responsibility to watch both. So JK carried Artimus in the front and Ethan on the back. Poor JK. He looked so funny. I applaud his willingness to just do what is necessary. However, everyday he tells me he can't wait till they can understand reasonings.
JW
Ethan now knows how to say "No" very accurately since he finds it useful to say all the time. He also calls every liquid "Nai Nai" which means milk in Cantonese. I didn't understand why until I hear the MIL calling the soup and the juice I gave him "Nai Nai". Well, it's my responsibility to teach him so I am glad that now we are in Manhattan and living only 15 minutes walking distance from her. We take care of Ethan and Artimus together everyday. Before I go back to work at the end of May, I hope that Ethan will improve his language skills many folds. As for discipline, he is like a sponge. With the right attitude from adults around him, I am confident that he will be a child with good social skills - i.e. like stop hitting other kids. The playroom in our building has exposed him to many other kids bigger and smaller than him. Each time he hits another kid, his playtime ends and we go home. If this doesn't work, I have to figure something out fast. So far, he is hitting another kid after about 20 minutes. Since I only have about one more month at home, any suggestions will be welcomed. Ethan has other bad habits too, like in want of a bottle of milk in the middle of the night even though he doesn't need it. When we were with him before Artimus came along, he could sleep through the night. When he got sick after Artimus was born, I suspect his appetite was so erratic that the MIL decided to just let him eat when he wants to, which I could understand.
Artimus is an angel. Since last week, she koos and smiles at me quite often. She has very attentive gazes. Unlike Ethan, she doesn't cry for no reason. She cries only when she is hungry or in want of company, particularly mine. Best of all, she sleeps easily at night and doesn't wake up crying like Ethan. I sleep with her and nurse her as soon as she stirs and she stirs only once or may be twice during the night so I actually get a lot of sleep considering she is a newborn.
Ethan is still learning to let her into our lives. Today he cried miserably when JK was putting Artimus on the babybione, which was once exclusively his. He also wanted JK to carry him on the backpack carrier, I think out of jealousy. Up until now, JK has been taking care of him in every way while I take care of Artimus. But when I cook, he has the responsibility to watch both. So JK carried Artimus in the front and Ethan on the back. Poor JK. He looked so funny. I applaud his willingness to just do what is necessary. However, everyday he tells me he can't wait till they can understand reasonings.
JW
Monday, April 09, 2007
My Weakness
Artimus and I have bonded in every way. Her gazes, on her adorable face, communicate "I want you mommy. Come pick me up please!" If that didn't get my attention, there is always the calling out, "hey" followed by another "hey" 30 seconds later if I did not respond, which I often don't. When all the heys fail, she cries with this out of breathe way that I think would draw every mother to their babies. So when I pick her up and kiss her, everything is normal again and she just looks around to enjoy the straight up view of the world. Picking her up was alright when she used to sleep at least one hour at a time. Now, she refuses to fall asleep unless she is being nursed. So I am her mother and a.k.a. her pacifier. Today, I have gotten only stuff to drink and some snack because she refused to be put down. Thinking she was hungry, I nursed her as I tried to do everything else. It's not so bad but my arms are tired and my back is aching. How long can I continue to indulge her? I do want her brain to grow and that happens when she is sleeping, as I hear. I must stop nursing her exclusively and give her a bottle once a day, with breast milk. Hopefully that will stop the spoiling process. Afterall, I'll have to go back to work in less than two months.
JW
Artimus and I have bonded in every way. Her gazes, on her adorable face, communicate "I want you mommy. Come pick me up please!" If that didn't get my attention, there is always the calling out, "hey" followed by another "hey" 30 seconds later if I did not respond, which I often don't. When all the heys fail, she cries with this out of breathe way that I think would draw every mother to their babies. So when I pick her up and kiss her, everything is normal again and she just looks around to enjoy the straight up view of the world. Picking her up was alright when she used to sleep at least one hour at a time. Now, she refuses to fall asleep unless she is being nursed. So I am her mother and a.k.a. her pacifier. Today, I have gotten only stuff to drink and some snack because she refused to be put down. Thinking she was hungry, I nursed her as I tried to do everything else. It's not so bad but my arms are tired and my back is aching. How long can I continue to indulge her? I do want her brain to grow and that happens when she is sleeping, as I hear. I must stop nursing her exclusively and give her a bottle once a day, with breast milk. Hopefully that will stop the spoiling process. Afterall, I'll have to go back to work in less than two months.
JW
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Boys
I always hear the term "terrible twos". Ethan appears to have been "terrible" since seventeen months. He just finished his eighteen months and I can't imagine it get worse than what we are experiencing. May be we had just been too busy doing adult things like packing, unpacking, renovating, moving and so on. He wails often and cries until he gets his way. I am probably the only one who did not subcumb to his crying and burst his tricks. Today he cried when I refused to let him get into the master bedroom to touch Artimus and he cried like he was in extreme torture. Then he threw a penny at me which he had in his hand. Interestly, I caught it and sternly asked him what he thought he was doing. He stopped crying and looked at him with the expression that he knew he did something really wrong. I told him never to throw anything at his mother again. So Ethan knows who he can pick on and who he can't. In the two months that I have left in my maternity leave, I have to put some discipline in him. That can only do him good.
In contrast to Ethan, Artimus has been such a pleasure. She only cries when she is hungry or in want of my presence. Nursing has truly provided the opportunity for bonding that I never had with Ethan. I hope this makes a lifetime of difference.
JW
I always hear the term "terrible twos". Ethan appears to have been "terrible" since seventeen months. He just finished his eighteen months and I can't imagine it get worse than what we are experiencing. May be we had just been too busy doing adult things like packing, unpacking, renovating, moving and so on. He wails often and cries until he gets his way. I am probably the only one who did not subcumb to his crying and burst his tricks. Today he cried when I refused to let him get into the master bedroom to touch Artimus and he cried like he was in extreme torture. Then he threw a penny at me which he had in his hand. Interestly, I caught it and sternly asked him what he thought he was doing. He stopped crying and looked at him with the expression that he knew he did something really wrong. I told him never to throw anything at his mother again. So Ethan knows who he can pick on and who he can't. In the two months that I have left in my maternity leave, I have to put some discipline in him. That can only do him good.
In contrast to Ethan, Artimus has been such a pleasure. She only cries when she is hungry or in want of my presence. Nursing has truly provided the opportunity for bonding that I never had with Ethan. I hope this makes a lifetime of difference.
JW
Friday, March 30, 2007
A New Chapter Begins
Finally, on Monday March 26th, we moved to Manhattan and out of Queens. It was a crazy day for the family, but I was so relieved that the day had finally arrived. We ended up moving on Monday rather than Thursday March 22nd because according to JK's parents, it was a more auspicious day to move for the family.
After a crazy morning of continuous packing while the movers quickly moved our possesions into their truck, we drove to Manhattan and met up with the movers at our new home. There, we met up with JK's parents and Ethan. Ethan was adorable, as he was dressed in his Chinese New Year red outfit, the traditional round collar neck silk stuffed jacket with buttons going down the middle and matching pants, which now fit him perfectly. He ran all over the apartment despite the mounting boxes and stuff everywhere. It's amazing how he always manage to have fun. Then of course, I am sure he was also excited to see me, his daddy and his sister. But after the movers left, we sent his parents and Ethan off their way so we could start unpacking. There, in my anxious efforts to set up the bed with JK, I fell flat on my face. It's funny. I rarely fall but when I do, it's always fall flat on my face. It's not until a day later that I got a chance to examine the damage - yeah, lots of bruises on my legs. Thank God, my face survived the fall. So JK, poor JK, decided that it's better that he just does everything himself. So I watched with Artimus in my arms . . . telling him what to do first, second and so on. Yes, I was pretty annoying.
The rest of the week, we had Ethan staying at his grandparents so we could unpack and make the home safe for him to return. Again, I couldn't contribute much to the unpacking because Artimus was always hungry or in need of comfort. Artimus' crying was too much for JK so he demanded that I just take care of her. So each day seems like years when I was confined to the bedroom because everywhere else was too dangerous to walk through. Yet, each night JK unpacked until about 2:00 a.m. in the morning. Just when I was boiling over with concerns, JK miraculously cleared out the living room last night . . . or at 3:00 a.m. this morning. I was with him because I succeeded in putting Artimus to sleep and wake up before falling asleep myself. Now, it's just organizing things, which naturally fit into my expertise. JK was amazing in this regard.
It's been hard having a baby and moving at the same time. It has been hard on the family in every way. I don't recommend that anyone to do what we did. Then of course, when we survive this hell, we are better husband, wife and parents.
JW
P.S. Artimus was 8 lbs 1 oz at one month. She is growing but needs more calories so the doctor said do everything to make sure she is getting all that she wants to drink. That was a week ago. I will know whether Artimus overcame her low weigh stage.
Finally, on Monday March 26th, we moved to Manhattan and out of Queens. It was a crazy day for the family, but I was so relieved that the day had finally arrived. We ended up moving on Monday rather than Thursday March 22nd because according to JK's parents, it was a more auspicious day to move for the family.
After a crazy morning of continuous packing while the movers quickly moved our possesions into their truck, we drove to Manhattan and met up with the movers at our new home. There, we met up with JK's parents and Ethan. Ethan was adorable, as he was dressed in his Chinese New Year red outfit, the traditional round collar neck silk stuffed jacket with buttons going down the middle and matching pants, which now fit him perfectly. He ran all over the apartment despite the mounting boxes and stuff everywhere. It's amazing how he always manage to have fun. Then of course, I am sure he was also excited to see me, his daddy and his sister. But after the movers left, we sent his parents and Ethan off their way so we could start unpacking. There, in my anxious efforts to set up the bed with JK, I fell flat on my face. It's funny. I rarely fall but when I do, it's always fall flat on my face. It's not until a day later that I got a chance to examine the damage - yeah, lots of bruises on my legs. Thank God, my face survived the fall. So JK, poor JK, decided that it's better that he just does everything himself. So I watched with Artimus in my arms . . . telling him what to do first, second and so on. Yes, I was pretty annoying.
The rest of the week, we had Ethan staying at his grandparents so we could unpack and make the home safe for him to return. Again, I couldn't contribute much to the unpacking because Artimus was always hungry or in need of comfort. Artimus' crying was too much for JK so he demanded that I just take care of her. So each day seems like years when I was confined to the bedroom because everywhere else was too dangerous to walk through. Yet, each night JK unpacked until about 2:00 a.m. in the morning. Just when I was boiling over with concerns, JK miraculously cleared out the living room last night . . . or at 3:00 a.m. this morning. I was with him because I succeeded in putting Artimus to sleep and wake up before falling asleep myself. Now, it's just organizing things, which naturally fit into my expertise. JK was amazing in this regard.
It's been hard having a baby and moving at the same time. It has been hard on the family in every way. I don't recommend that anyone to do what we did. Then of course, when we survive this hell, we are better husband, wife and parents.
JW
P.S. Artimus was 8 lbs 1 oz at one month. She is growing but needs more calories so the doctor said do everything to make sure she is getting all that she wants to drink. That was a week ago. I will know whether Artimus overcame her low weigh stage.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Artimus is Growing
... at least from what I can see. Artimus' one month check up is tomorrow and I can't wait to see how much she weighs now. I never fear so much that my baby may not be growing or growing enough. Ethan was always way above average in weight, height and head circumference. My Dad dropped by today. He took a look at Artimus and shook his head. He didn't verbalize his discontent but it was obvious - she still looks the same size. My determination to make breastfeeding work silenced my parents but I know when they are home they kick and scream about poor Artimus being subjected to my blind determination to breastfeeding. Their opinion do matter. I must admit that there were times, like last night, when I wanted to reach out to some formula. Afterall, Ethan turned out okay . . . except he is always sick with ear infections but otherwise he was pretty good. But I persisted despite the fear that she is not demanding enough due to the fact that she is always sleeping so I am not producing as much as I should be for a baby her age. Despite all the uncertainties, I see that she has more fat now. Most of all, she always has a wet diaper and she poops at least three times a day. So how can she not be growing? Hey, all people are different. Some people can suffice on two meals a day and snack all day while others eat like a pig but not be overweight. Babies can survive on different servings of milk too. Well, I will find out whether I can put my fears aside tomorrow.
JW
... at least from what I can see. Artimus' one month check up is tomorrow and I can't wait to see how much she weighs now. I never fear so much that my baby may not be growing or growing enough. Ethan was always way above average in weight, height and head circumference. My Dad dropped by today. He took a look at Artimus and shook his head. He didn't verbalize his discontent but it was obvious - she still looks the same size. My determination to make breastfeeding work silenced my parents but I know when they are home they kick and scream about poor Artimus being subjected to my blind determination to breastfeeding. Their opinion do matter. I must admit that there were times, like last night, when I wanted to reach out to some formula. Afterall, Ethan turned out okay . . . except he is always sick with ear infections but otherwise he was pretty good. But I persisted despite the fear that she is not demanding enough due to the fact that she is always sleeping so I am not producing as much as I should be for a baby her age. Despite all the uncertainties, I see that she has more fat now. Most of all, she always has a wet diaper and she poops at least three times a day. So how can she not be growing? Hey, all people are different. Some people can suffice on two meals a day and snack all day while others eat like a pig but not be overweight. Babies can survive on different servings of milk too. Well, I will find out whether I can put my fears aside tomorrow.
JW
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
A New Chapter?
We are moving to Manhattan next Thursday. I am so excited, I can't wait. Mainly because Ethan is with his grandmother just several blocks from our new home and I haven't seen him for two days. He won't be coming back to Queens because JK went back to work on Monday but there is still a whole apartment to pack for the move. It's exciting and yet I am full of anxiety. There will be so much to unpack so that we can settle in. Meanwhile, I want Ethan back with us as soon as we move out. Hopefully, both Artimus and I would have fought off the cold. She is not running a temperature but that violent cough is waking her from otherwise peaceful sleep.
As I sit in this sun-filled one bedroom apartment, memories of good times in the past five years just kept streaming into my head. From the time JK came to help me and my Dad fix up this apartment, to my first burnt pizza but which JK devoured completely, and the "crab-feast" when I introduced friends to my new home and we all ate too many crabs. Then there were the New Years Eve parties, homemade brunch with a few friends, all-night brief writings (like doing high school papers except much longer), and of course, many late nights spent with Risk fanatics, myself included. Not to mention marrying JK who soon became very much a part of this apartment, and my life. Then the products of our union, Ethan and Artimus, made this apartment even more memorable -- Ethan's first steps, first run and all his laughters, and Artimus' quiet demeanor . . . and her coughs. It's them that got us to throw all our resources together to move to Manhattan. I guess it is time to move on to a bigger space and bigger responsibilities.
I can't wait to move and to start a whole new set of memories in our new home. To the Risk fanatics - get ready for the challenge! And to the mothers and fathers, there will be playdates at our home.
JW
We are moving to Manhattan next Thursday. I am so excited, I can't wait. Mainly because Ethan is with his grandmother just several blocks from our new home and I haven't seen him for two days. He won't be coming back to Queens because JK went back to work on Monday but there is still a whole apartment to pack for the move. It's exciting and yet I am full of anxiety. There will be so much to unpack so that we can settle in. Meanwhile, I want Ethan back with us as soon as we move out. Hopefully, both Artimus and I would have fought off the cold. She is not running a temperature but that violent cough is waking her from otherwise peaceful sleep.
As I sit in this sun-filled one bedroom apartment, memories of good times in the past five years just kept streaming into my head. From the time JK came to help me and my Dad fix up this apartment, to my first burnt pizza but which JK devoured completely, and the "crab-feast" when I introduced friends to my new home and we all ate too many crabs. Then there were the New Years Eve parties, homemade brunch with a few friends, all-night brief writings (like doing high school papers except much longer), and of course, many late nights spent with Risk fanatics, myself included. Not to mention marrying JK who soon became very much a part of this apartment, and my life. Then the products of our union, Ethan and Artimus, made this apartment even more memorable -- Ethan's first steps, first run and all his laughters, and Artimus' quiet demeanor . . . and her coughs. It's them that got us to throw all our resources together to move to Manhattan. I guess it is time to move on to a bigger space and bigger responsibilities.
I can't wait to move and to start a whole new set of memories in our new home. To the Risk fanatics - get ready for the challenge! And to the mothers and fathers, there will be playdates at our home.
JW
Monday, March 12, 2007
She is Running a Temperature
I don't think there is anything worse than watching one's two week old baby cough, congested and runs a temperature - not a high temperature but she is hot. I guess that's what happens when I am sick with a cold and cough. I hope I don't have to take her to the Intensive Care Unit. Life seems so out of control these days.
This weekend, I hit Ethan on the face to show him that it hurts to be hit. This happened after Ethan smacked Artimus' head hard after a few tender touches. That day Ethan had been sternly told not to do that many times, and no words of reasoning seemed to have penitrated his head. The worse thing was right after I hit his face, JK also sternly told him he could not hit his little sister. Ethan stared at the two of us and backed away with his eyes wide open and a look of shock. I must say, it was an aweful sight to see him look that way and naturally back away from us. His happy jolly self disappeared for that moment, replaced with surprise/shock. He definitely meant no harm to Artimus. I just didn't know how to protect Artimus from him besides showing him how hitting hurts. But at that moment, hitting was more of emotional injury than physical injury for Ethan. JK then hugged Ethan to give him reassurance that we just didn't want to see him hit Artimus anymore. Ethan was soon back to his old happy self, coming toward Artimus and "touching" her head again. So that moment quickly came and went. Nonetheless, I wonder if Ethan really forgot that moment when we both used a stern voice at him, and I hit his face. Frankly, it hurts me more to hit him so I don't think I can do it again.
I came to the conclusion that there is no way to take care of both of them in the same space at this time. Although I miss Ethan tremendously when he is not around, I think that is the best thing to do for the next week or so until we finally move to Manhattan - into a bigger apartment. The most beautiful fact about kids is that they hold no grudges. Just show them love and they will return it with all their heart. I guess that's why people never fail to fall in love with them.
Anyway, Artimus got sick from me, after I got sick from Ethan. We are all still sick. I hope our guardian angels show their generosity again.
JW
I don't think there is anything worse than watching one's two week old baby cough, congested and runs a temperature - not a high temperature but she is hot. I guess that's what happens when I am sick with a cold and cough. I hope I don't have to take her to the Intensive Care Unit. Life seems so out of control these days.
This weekend, I hit Ethan on the face to show him that it hurts to be hit. This happened after Ethan smacked Artimus' head hard after a few tender touches. That day Ethan had been sternly told not to do that many times, and no words of reasoning seemed to have penitrated his head. The worse thing was right after I hit his face, JK also sternly told him he could not hit his little sister. Ethan stared at the two of us and backed away with his eyes wide open and a look of shock. I must say, it was an aweful sight to see him look that way and naturally back away from us. His happy jolly self disappeared for that moment, replaced with surprise/shock. He definitely meant no harm to Artimus. I just didn't know how to protect Artimus from him besides showing him how hitting hurts. But at that moment, hitting was more of emotional injury than physical injury for Ethan. JK then hugged Ethan to give him reassurance that we just didn't want to see him hit Artimus anymore. Ethan was soon back to his old happy self, coming toward Artimus and "touching" her head again. So that moment quickly came and went. Nonetheless, I wonder if Ethan really forgot that moment when we both used a stern voice at him, and I hit his face. Frankly, it hurts me more to hit him so I don't think I can do it again.
I came to the conclusion that there is no way to take care of both of them in the same space at this time. Although I miss Ethan tremendously when he is not around, I think that is the best thing to do for the next week or so until we finally move to Manhattan - into a bigger apartment. The most beautiful fact about kids is that they hold no grudges. Just show them love and they will return it with all their heart. I guess that's why people never fail to fall in love with them.
Anyway, Artimus got sick from me, after I got sick from Ethan. We are all still sick. I hope our guardian angels show their generosity again.
JW
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Natural Weight Loss
Just how long does it take to eat a meal when one is nursing and running a one woman show with a newborn? It's amazing how fast I try to do everything around her meal time and naps. I nurse her for as long as 45 minutes to an hour, trying to keep her awake as much as possible. Then put her down while she is still asleep. From there, I have about one hour either to take a shower, cook and eat or just close my eyes for a quick moment. Well, I wanted to eat today because I just don't think I was eating enough. So I heated up the soup, heated up the fried rice, put them in bowls and two bites into it, she screamed. I waited to see if it escalates or just dies down. Noop, no such luck. I picked her up and from there, she wanted to nurse non-stop - as soon as I put her down, she screamed so I again tried to nurse her to sleep hoping to put her down as soon as she was drunk. After three hours, I gave up. Thanks to Francine, I slinged her and finally she remained asleep. At that point, my food was cold and unappetizing. I opted for a glass of milk and yogert straight from the refrigerator. Forget about hot food. No time for that eventhough they were already precooked by my wonderful mother and nicely stored in the fridge. May be when she sleeps longer. then I can really eat a hot meal with no interruptions. Meanwhile, I am looking slimmer each day. Now, it's time to wash the dishes - Ahh, all work and no hot food in the stomach.
JW
Just how long does it take to eat a meal when one is nursing and running a one woman show with a newborn? It's amazing how fast I try to do everything around her meal time and naps. I nurse her for as long as 45 minutes to an hour, trying to keep her awake as much as possible. Then put her down while she is still asleep. From there, I have about one hour either to take a shower, cook and eat or just close my eyes for a quick moment. Well, I wanted to eat today because I just don't think I was eating enough. So I heated up the soup, heated up the fried rice, put them in bowls and two bites into it, she screamed. I waited to see if it escalates or just dies down. Noop, no such luck. I picked her up and from there, she wanted to nurse non-stop - as soon as I put her down, she screamed so I again tried to nurse her to sleep hoping to put her down as soon as she was drunk. After three hours, I gave up. Thanks to Francine, I slinged her and finally she remained asleep. At that point, my food was cold and unappetizing. I opted for a glass of milk and yogert straight from the refrigerator. Forget about hot food. No time for that eventhough they were already precooked by my wonderful mother and nicely stored in the fridge. May be when she sleeps longer. then I can really eat a hot meal with no interruptions. Meanwhile, I am looking slimmer each day. Now, it's time to wash the dishes - Ahh, all work and no hot food in the stomach.
JW
Natural Weight Loss
Just how long does it take to eat a meal when one is nursing and running a one woman show with a newborn? It's amazing how fast I try to do everything around her meal time and naps. I nurse her for as long as 45 minutes to an hour, trying to keep her awake as much as possible. Then put her down while she is still asleep. From there, I have about one hour either to take a shower, cook and eat or just close my eyes for a quick moment. Well, I wanted to eat today because I just don't think I was eating enough. So I heated up the soup, heated up the fried rice, put them in bowls and two bites into it, she screamed. I waited to see if it escalates or just dies down. Noop, no such luck. I picked her up and from there, she wanted to nurse non-stop - as soon as I put her down, she screamed so I again tried to nurse her to sleep hoping to put her down as soon as she was drunk. After three hours, I gave up. Thanks to Francine, I slinged her and finally she remained asleep. At that point, my food was cold and unappetizing. I opted for a glass of milk and yogert straight from the refrigerator. Forget about hot food. No time for that eventhough they were already precooked by my wonderful mother and nicely stored in the fridge. May be when she sleeps longer. then I can really eat a hot meal with no interruptions. Meanwhile, I am looking slimmer each day. Now, it's time to wash the dishes - Ahh, all work and no hot food in the stomach.
JW
Just how long does it take to eat a meal when one is nursing and running a one woman show with a newborn? It's amazing how fast I try to do everything around her meal time and naps. I nurse her for as long as 45 minutes to an hour, trying to keep her awake as much as possible. Then put her down while she is still asleep. From there, I have about one hour either to take a shower, cook and eat or just close my eyes for a quick moment. Well, I wanted to eat today because I just don't think I was eating enough. So I heated up the soup, heated up the fried rice, put them in bowls and two bites into it, she screamed. I waited to see if it escalates or just dies down. Noop, no such luck. I picked her up and from there, she wanted to nurse non-stop - as soon as I put her down, she screamed so I again tried to nurse her to sleep hoping to put her down as soon as she was drunk. After three hours, I gave up. Thanks to Francine, I slinged her and finally she remained asleep. At that point, my food was cold and unappetizing. I opted for a glass of milk and yogert straight from the refrigerator. Forget about hot food. No time for that eventhough they were already precooked by my wonderful mother and nicely stored in the fridge. May be when she sleeps longer. then I can really eat a hot meal with no interruptions. Meanwhile, I am looking slimmer each day. Now, it's time to wash the dishes - Ahh, all work and no hot food in the stomach.
JW
Sunday, March 04, 2007
My Birthday Wish
My birthday has not been so emotionally charged for a long time. Both my little darlings were due to see their pediatrician. Ethan, who was with his grandma since Artimus was born on February 20th, was sick but the grandma was probably too tired to take notice until Ethan was terribly irritated and ate nothing. JK flew out to pick Ethan up after hearing that he "sometimes" had 101 temperature. Artimus was due back for a weigh check. So off we went in the early morning but we were late because daddy thought Ethan was sound asleep and did not want to wake him. Mommy always has to do the dirty job. A poor judgment never go unpunished. We waited almost three hours before the kids were seen because there were a lot of sick kids that morning who came in without an appointment. Just imagine me trying to keep my newborn away from all the coughers and sneezers, and Ethan who could not keep himself away from Artimus -- I think my eyes were shooting fire at JK the whole time.
Anyway, so Ethan and Artimus were seen in the same room, with both screaming for their lives as they were stripped down to their diapers. Ethan has ear infection in both ears and a sore throat. His temperature was 103, which upset me because I had insisted that JK gives him motrin, not tylanol but JK was concerned about stomach pain for Ethan. Artimus has not regained her birth weight after 10 days and the doctor is very concerned about the breastfeeding. But she is alert so it's a matter of correcting whatever I was doing wrong. We were scheduled to be back for both kids to have a follow up.
With Ethan running high temperature, coughing and sneezing, we decided to watch over him ourselves. Afterall, Ethan is our responsibility. The challenge was keeping him away from Artimus and me. Keeping him away from me was a bit brutal so I succumbed. He really wanted mommy's hugs and kisses when he was in so much pain. Well, to my detriment, I have a slight sore throat and cold now.
I did not remember me on my birthday, just my children, hoping that Ethan will be his cheerful & playful self soon, and that Artimus gain back her birth weight by two weeks of life, and don't get sick from Ethan. There is really no medication for newborns.
I learned in recent days that parenthood is full of heartaches. Healthy children is not to be taken for granted. So this birthday, I wished my precious little ones are healthy and grows stronger each day.
JW
P.S. Talking to my mother actually made me feel better, now that we have parenthood experiences in common.
My birthday has not been so emotionally charged for a long time. Both my little darlings were due to see their pediatrician. Ethan, who was with his grandma since Artimus was born on February 20th, was sick but the grandma was probably too tired to take notice until Ethan was terribly irritated and ate nothing. JK flew out to pick Ethan up after hearing that he "sometimes" had 101 temperature. Artimus was due back for a weigh check. So off we went in the early morning but we were late because daddy thought Ethan was sound asleep and did not want to wake him. Mommy always has to do the dirty job. A poor judgment never go unpunished. We waited almost three hours before the kids were seen because there were a lot of sick kids that morning who came in without an appointment. Just imagine me trying to keep my newborn away from all the coughers and sneezers, and Ethan who could not keep himself away from Artimus -- I think my eyes were shooting fire at JK the whole time.
Anyway, so Ethan and Artimus were seen in the same room, with both screaming for their lives as they were stripped down to their diapers. Ethan has ear infection in both ears and a sore throat. His temperature was 103, which upset me because I had insisted that JK gives him motrin, not tylanol but JK was concerned about stomach pain for Ethan. Artimus has not regained her birth weight after 10 days and the doctor is very concerned about the breastfeeding. But she is alert so it's a matter of correcting whatever I was doing wrong. We were scheduled to be back for both kids to have a follow up.
With Ethan running high temperature, coughing and sneezing, we decided to watch over him ourselves. Afterall, Ethan is our responsibility. The challenge was keeping him away from Artimus and me. Keeping him away from me was a bit brutal so I succumbed. He really wanted mommy's hugs and kisses when he was in so much pain. Well, to my detriment, I have a slight sore throat and cold now.
I did not remember me on my birthday, just my children, hoping that Ethan will be his cheerful & playful self soon, and that Artimus gain back her birth weight by two weeks of life, and don't get sick from Ethan. There is really no medication for newborns.
I learned in recent days that parenthood is full of heartaches. Healthy children is not to be taken for granted. So this birthday, I wished my precious little ones are healthy and grows stronger each day.
JW
P.S. Talking to my mother actually made me feel better, now that we have parenthood experiences in common.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
That Special Day Was Last Tuesday 2/20/07
My baby girl Artimus took action last Tuesday morning at about 5:00 o'clock. I knew she was coming any time because of my shortness of breathe, and constant but inconsistent contractions for previous days. But one never knows exactly when. So that morning, interestingly, JK and I both woke up at about 5:00 am. We talked a bit while laying in the dark. I started telling him I have contractions and it hurts. He heard that before so he acknowledged it. Then I told him again I have contractions. He looked at me and said something like, "Is this the day?" I timed them and it's 5 minutes apart. I got nervous . . . it's the second child and everybody say it's much faster delivery. I immediately told JK to boil the ginseng. I needed all the energy I could get because Artimus was expected to be over 7 lbs and definitely has a big head. Not to mention the lack of sleep from all the night time bathroom runs and backaches. So the day began.
Thank God the type A in me got more than what the family needed packed in bags ready to go plus a check list of all that needed to be done. We took off at 7:30 and got to the hospital with no traffic by 8:00 am or so. We checked-in, told the nurse it's the second child and the first was a vaginal birth, and I was placed in a room at no time. The young nurse gently asked if I would like epidural. Oh, what a question. I nicely stated, "Yes, as soon as possible. That would be nice." Then doctors came streaming into the room, checking for the progress. But the anesticiologist did not come until 10:00 am. No problem, it was nice to see him who explained everything and I quickly signed the paper. At 10:15 am, the epidural was kicking in and my water broke, which meant even more frequent and stronger contractions. I thanked God for the impeccable timing.
Perhaps the most important fact to me at that time was whether my OB would be free to deliver my daughter. He is truly a doctor with the patient's health and happiness in mind. He delivered Ethan with medical expertise that only the most confident and experienced could have persisted with a vainal delivery rather than an emergency c-section. The attending doctor called Dr. Yeh, and came to tell me that the secretaries were screaming with excitement, that Dr. Yeh would walk over to deliver the baby. (Yup, I lobbied pretty hard the two weeks before to have his office ready for my big day.) So, that dream came true and JK and I were both at ease about the birth. I saw his fatherly smile at about 12:30 pm, and Artimus made her way to the world at 1:01 pm, after only a few pushes! I got to see her little fingers wrapped around mine, and got to look at her beautiful lively features moments after she was delivered. At once, we bonded. How can we not? She same early, at the perfect size of 6 lbs 15 onces, and she came fast! She is already my angel who rescued my confidence in motherhood. As I look into her eyes and hold her hands each fleeting moment, I wanted no more than just be a mom.
JW
P.S. The lack of sleep makes the writing a bit scattered and full of spelling and grammar mistakes.
My baby girl Artimus took action last Tuesday morning at about 5:00 o'clock. I knew she was coming any time because of my shortness of breathe, and constant but inconsistent contractions for previous days. But one never knows exactly when. So that morning, interestingly, JK and I both woke up at about 5:00 am. We talked a bit while laying in the dark. I started telling him I have contractions and it hurts. He heard that before so he acknowledged it. Then I told him again I have contractions. He looked at me and said something like, "Is this the day?" I timed them and it's 5 minutes apart. I got nervous . . . it's the second child and everybody say it's much faster delivery. I immediately told JK to boil the ginseng. I needed all the energy I could get because Artimus was expected to be over 7 lbs and definitely has a big head. Not to mention the lack of sleep from all the night time bathroom runs and backaches. So the day began.
Thank God the type A in me got more than what the family needed packed in bags ready to go plus a check list of all that needed to be done. We took off at 7:30 and got to the hospital with no traffic by 8:00 am or so. We checked-in, told the nurse it's the second child and the first was a vaginal birth, and I was placed in a room at no time. The young nurse gently asked if I would like epidural. Oh, what a question. I nicely stated, "Yes, as soon as possible. That would be nice." Then doctors came streaming into the room, checking for the progress. But the anesticiologist did not come until 10:00 am. No problem, it was nice to see him who explained everything and I quickly signed the paper. At 10:15 am, the epidural was kicking in and my water broke, which meant even more frequent and stronger contractions. I thanked God for the impeccable timing.
Perhaps the most important fact to me at that time was whether my OB would be free to deliver my daughter. He is truly a doctor with the patient's health and happiness in mind. He delivered Ethan with medical expertise that only the most confident and experienced could have persisted with a vainal delivery rather than an emergency c-section. The attending doctor called Dr. Yeh, and came to tell me that the secretaries were screaming with excitement, that Dr. Yeh would walk over to deliver the baby. (Yup, I lobbied pretty hard the two weeks before to have his office ready for my big day.) So, that dream came true and JK and I were both at ease about the birth. I saw his fatherly smile at about 12:30 pm, and Artimus made her way to the world at 1:01 pm, after only a few pushes! I got to see her little fingers wrapped around mine, and got to look at her beautiful lively features moments after she was delivered. At once, we bonded. How can we not? She same early, at the perfect size of 6 lbs 15 onces, and she came fast! She is already my angel who rescued my confidence in motherhood. As I look into her eyes and hold her hands each fleeting moment, I wanted no more than just be a mom.
JW
P.S. The lack of sleep makes the writing a bit scattered and full of spelling and grammar mistakes.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
That Special Day is Near
I am finally home to wait for the signs of labor. It is snowy with icy rain all day so an angel must have watched over us since I only decided on Sunday that yesterday would be my last day of work. This little being has successfully kept me waking up at night every hour or so running to the bathroom. You can imagine how I look in the morning . . . so I decided to work no more.
Today, I cooked and cleaned. And I packed my hospital bag, this time with some snacks for JK and for me to recharge after the long labor. Tomorrow will be more cleaning and packing to move to our new home. This will be my exercise until she decides it's time. Baby rules! I learned that when Ethan came into the world. They are small but their power unimaginable.
Hope everyone is safe and staying warm during this unexpected snow storm.
JW
I am finally home to wait for the signs of labor. It is snowy with icy rain all day so an angel must have watched over us since I only decided on Sunday that yesterday would be my last day of work. This little being has successfully kept me waking up at night every hour or so running to the bathroom. You can imagine how I look in the morning . . . so I decided to work no more.
Today, I cooked and cleaned. And I packed my hospital bag, this time with some snacks for JK and for me to recharge after the long labor. Tomorrow will be more cleaning and packing to move to our new home. This will be my exercise until she decides it's time. Baby rules! I learned that when Ethan came into the world. They are small but their power unimaginable.
Hope everyone is safe and staying warm during this unexpected snow storm.
JW
Friday, February 09, 2007
"Your are a Proud Owner of Joane's Jewelry!"
Many girlfriends know that I have been making earrings and giving them out as gifts on special occasions. It's a very relaxing hobby for me because it takes me away from the worries of life and put me in the world of creativity. Then I get a second round of satisfaction when I see the joy I can bring to a friend who could feel a moment of beauty and happiness upon seeing the earrings. Well, my prolific production kinda helped my sister-in-law (and my sister and mom) build a collection of my earrings. She must have won them all the time because her colleagues finally subcumbed to asking her to ask me how much it costs to make them a pair. Well, it's expensive, I told my sister-in-law, 'cause I like to use quality materials like fresh water pearls, nice gems, and sterling silvers. I had been asked to make earrings before and when I say I wanted $60.00 and above, depending on the piece, that had stopped the inquiry. This time, her colleague persisted and expressed specifically what she wanted. I was flattered. So I designed one, with lots of different color fresh water pearls and gems that fit her taste and her features. At $65, I basically did not charge her labor. Well, now I am commissioned by another of her co-worker to make another pair of earrings. I was delighted that people liked my work, but will I work at a discount again, or is it time to evaluate the cost of my labor and factor that into the price? Or is this too early to view it as a potential income stream? That thought lingered until the receptionist at my OBGYN boldly asked me today if I could make her another pair of earrings, which she would like to pay for. I only made simple gem earrings for her and the physician assistant to thank them for their patience, professionalism and kindness during my first pregnancy and as a little gift last Christmas. I remember they were so happy and I always see them wear my earrings whenever I go for an appointment, which was not that frequent until recently. So do I have a market?
JK was very supportive of my creativity in making nice earrings since the beginning. He always gave good criticisms . . . simple criticisms like that doesn't look so special or that's a unique design. He never said the stones were too costly for a hobby. Rather, he always encouraged me to get the best quality stones and pearls to make good quality earrings. That's the good thing about our union, we reenforce our belief in doing the best and giving only quality work. So when I told him people wanted to pay for the earrings, he said I should start thinking about branding my work so people know they are "the proud owner of Joane's jewelry." He designed a symbol and asked me if I wanted to use it. Naaa, I said. I'll design my own. He kept trying to persuade me, "Are you sure? This meant eternity . . ." Naaa, I said. I am my own artist. Ha Ha Ha.
So this is on my mind. With a big mortgage and Ethan going to daycare in September, I was going to stop making earrings because we can no longer afford those quality gems and pearls. But with a market of followers who are willing to pay, may be I can keep going with more complex designs and more quality gems and pearls, even if I don't charge labor and just charge the cost of material. Mmmm.
JW
Many girlfriends know that I have been making earrings and giving them out as gifts on special occasions. It's a very relaxing hobby for me because it takes me away from the worries of life and put me in the world of creativity. Then I get a second round of satisfaction when I see the joy I can bring to a friend who could feel a moment of beauty and happiness upon seeing the earrings. Well, my prolific production kinda helped my sister-in-law (and my sister and mom) build a collection of my earrings. She must have won them all the time because her colleagues finally subcumbed to asking her to ask me how much it costs to make them a pair. Well, it's expensive, I told my sister-in-law, 'cause I like to use quality materials like fresh water pearls, nice gems, and sterling silvers. I had been asked to make earrings before and when I say I wanted $60.00 and above, depending on the piece, that had stopped the inquiry. This time, her colleague persisted and expressed specifically what she wanted. I was flattered. So I designed one, with lots of different color fresh water pearls and gems that fit her taste and her features. At $65, I basically did not charge her labor. Well, now I am commissioned by another of her co-worker to make another pair of earrings. I was delighted that people liked my work, but will I work at a discount again, or is it time to evaluate the cost of my labor and factor that into the price? Or is this too early to view it as a potential income stream? That thought lingered until the receptionist at my OBGYN boldly asked me today if I could make her another pair of earrings, which she would like to pay for. I only made simple gem earrings for her and the physician assistant to thank them for their patience, professionalism and kindness during my first pregnancy and as a little gift last Christmas. I remember they were so happy and I always see them wear my earrings whenever I go for an appointment, which was not that frequent until recently. So do I have a market?
JK was very supportive of my creativity in making nice earrings since the beginning. He always gave good criticisms . . . simple criticisms like that doesn't look so special or that's a unique design. He never said the stones were too costly for a hobby. Rather, he always encouraged me to get the best quality stones and pearls to make good quality earrings. That's the good thing about our union, we reenforce our belief in doing the best and giving only quality work. So when I told him people wanted to pay for the earrings, he said I should start thinking about branding my work so people know they are "the proud owner of Joane's jewelry." He designed a symbol and asked me if I wanted to use it. Naaa, I said. I'll design my own. He kept trying to persuade me, "Are you sure? This meant eternity . . ." Naaa, I said. I am my own artist. Ha Ha Ha.
So this is on my mind. With a big mortgage and Ethan going to daycare in September, I was going to stop making earrings because we can no longer afford those quality gems and pearls. But with a market of followers who are willing to pay, may be I can keep going with more complex designs and more quality gems and pearls, even if I don't charge labor and just charge the cost of material. Mmmm.
JW
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Bad Parents?
JK and I never thought we'll ever be perceived as parents with a terrifying child. I don't blame friends who feel this way. I guess if my child's pretty cheek is marked with two pink-red teeth marks for a couple of days, I would be upset too. Ethan is having a hard time controlling his affections and frustrations. The first episode occurred last November, when he was about 14 months. My colleague's two and a half year old son W and his four-month old brother H came to visit us. W has the cutest cheeks. Ethan was so happy to meet W that he insisted on hugging W. W at first refused such overly zealous affection, but gave in after about an hour, at which time they loudly laughed together while hugging. Then out of the blue Ethan gave W's cheek a big bite. W's laughs turned into crying with big tear drops. JK and I were stunned and apologized profusely while telling Ethan that it was wrong to bite people. Ethan had this look like he didn't know what was going on except that no one liked what he did.
From then on, JK and I alerted all those who take care of Ethan that Ethan has a biting problem and that we should all try to stop biting him if that was done, and that if Ethan bites then we should tell Ethan to stop because it's wrong. From that time on, I realized some people were "biting" his cheeks, arms and legs. They were also letting Ethan bite them without protest . . . but then would complain to me that Ethan was biting them hard. It appears to me that Ethan was getting mixed messages about how to express himself. Those who love him dearly are "biting" him, so why can't he do the same to those he likes? Ethan used to bite me hard when he sees me or when he can't get my attention. I stopped him immediately and sent a clear message that he cannot bite. These days, it appears that he only bites when he is frustrated.
So last Saturday, at a play date, he took a bite at A's round cheeks when I had taken my eyes off of him to talk to A's mother. A is a two year old and he is really a sweetheart with the most tender and non-aggressive demeanor. However, all children at that age engage in parallel play. So A and Ethan probably wanted the same toy and Ethan probably got frustrated when he couldn't get the toy from A. JK reported seeing the biting when it was happening and he was frozen and terrified by the sight of it . . . our sweetheart's teeth were on another little boy!!!!! That was too animalistic . . . too unreal! Thereafter, we were both caught in embarrassment and shame. I held back from the desire to hit Ethan - just on the face so he could remember how upset I was. JK later told me that he had the same urging. (We don't believe in corporal punishment. I do smack his bottom when he refuses to leave the kitchen when I try to cook. Ethan knows that meant I was really upset that he was playing in the kitchen. Other than his bottom, I don't hit. I don't believe that Ethan would learn anything from being hit by an adult.) Instead, I held him tightly and in a stern voice, told him how bad he was for biting A. I told him he would not be playing anymore. Ethan had this "I did something wrong" look on his face and sat quietly in my arms. A's parents were busy in the bathroom cleaning and checking A. Feeling horrible couldn't begin to describe the moment. What should we do to stop this from ever happening again?
We decided to tell all his caregivers again the problem we have with his biting other kids. So we did, and I asked everyone to tell Ethan at the moment the biting occurs that it is wrong. To add to the urgency, I said the little one to come would be in grave danger if Ethan doesn't know that biting is wrong.
I have mix feelings about the effectiveness of changing the behavior of those who take care of Ethan. Is this a natural consequence of not being able to stay home to teach Ethan, and have to rely on someone else? Which really meant some lost of control over how my child would be raised? Or is this to be expected from some children? In any case, I know that teaching the right behavior must start now. At the same time, I can't wait to put him in day care when he turns two in September. May be a different social environment would help.
JW
JK and I never thought we'll ever be perceived as parents with a terrifying child. I don't blame friends who feel this way. I guess if my child's pretty cheek is marked with two pink-red teeth marks for a couple of days, I would be upset too. Ethan is having a hard time controlling his affections and frustrations. The first episode occurred last November, when he was about 14 months. My colleague's two and a half year old son W and his four-month old brother H came to visit us. W has the cutest cheeks. Ethan was so happy to meet W that he insisted on hugging W. W at first refused such overly zealous affection, but gave in after about an hour, at which time they loudly laughed together while hugging. Then out of the blue Ethan gave W's cheek a big bite. W's laughs turned into crying with big tear drops. JK and I were stunned and apologized profusely while telling Ethan that it was wrong to bite people. Ethan had this look like he didn't know what was going on except that no one liked what he did.
From then on, JK and I alerted all those who take care of Ethan that Ethan has a biting problem and that we should all try to stop biting him if that was done, and that if Ethan bites then we should tell Ethan to stop because it's wrong. From that time on, I realized some people were "biting" his cheeks, arms and legs. They were also letting Ethan bite them without protest . . . but then would complain to me that Ethan was biting them hard. It appears to me that Ethan was getting mixed messages about how to express himself. Those who love him dearly are "biting" him, so why can't he do the same to those he likes? Ethan used to bite me hard when he sees me or when he can't get my attention. I stopped him immediately and sent a clear message that he cannot bite. These days, it appears that he only bites when he is frustrated.
So last Saturday, at a play date, he took a bite at A's round cheeks when I had taken my eyes off of him to talk to A's mother. A is a two year old and he is really a sweetheart with the most tender and non-aggressive demeanor. However, all children at that age engage in parallel play. So A and Ethan probably wanted the same toy and Ethan probably got frustrated when he couldn't get the toy from A. JK reported seeing the biting when it was happening and he was frozen and terrified by the sight of it . . . our sweetheart's teeth were on another little boy!!!!! That was too animalistic . . . too unreal! Thereafter, we were both caught in embarrassment and shame. I held back from the desire to hit Ethan - just on the face so he could remember how upset I was. JK later told me that he had the same urging. (We don't believe in corporal punishment. I do smack his bottom when he refuses to leave the kitchen when I try to cook. Ethan knows that meant I was really upset that he was playing in the kitchen. Other than his bottom, I don't hit. I don't believe that Ethan would learn anything from being hit by an adult.) Instead, I held him tightly and in a stern voice, told him how bad he was for biting A. I told him he would not be playing anymore. Ethan had this "I did something wrong" look on his face and sat quietly in my arms. A's parents were busy in the bathroom cleaning and checking A. Feeling horrible couldn't begin to describe the moment. What should we do to stop this from ever happening again?
We decided to tell all his caregivers again the problem we have with his biting other kids. So we did, and I asked everyone to tell Ethan at the moment the biting occurs that it is wrong. To add to the urgency, I said the little one to come would be in grave danger if Ethan doesn't know that biting is wrong.
I have mix feelings about the effectiveness of changing the behavior of those who take care of Ethan. Is this a natural consequence of not being able to stay home to teach Ethan, and have to rely on someone else? Which really meant some lost of control over how my child would be raised? Or is this to be expected from some children? In any case, I know that teaching the right behavior must start now. At the same time, I can't wait to put him in day care when he turns two in September. May be a different social environment would help.
JW
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Happy Marriage
I am told that no couples are truly compatible. I cannot agree more. JK is the most lovable guy . . . until the socks, shirts, shoes . . . you name it . . . appears in the middle of the foyer or on his way to the sofa from the door. I think it's a common complaint from women about men, not all men but enough. So JK is typical. Why can't he change? I asked him many times. One time he said something to the extent that I would miss it if I didn't have to pick up after him. Then he giggled and gave me a big hug. What is this? Charm me into being a typical wife from the 50's? Anyway. Thank God Ethan appears to be picking up after himself, and the next addition is a girl. I guess if this is the biggest complaint I have of JK, it's not so bad. With the help of a friend, I figured out a solution to the problem. It is the put-them-all-in-the-box solution with the caveat of a sign that says "To be discarded as garbage every Friday." Can't wait to watch his reaction. Hee Hee!
This is the article my friend Audrey emailed me today about happy marriages: http://aolsvc.health.webmd.aol.com/content/article/97/103988.htm
JW
I am told that no couples are truly compatible. I cannot agree more. JK is the most lovable guy . . . until the socks, shirts, shoes . . . you name it . . . appears in the middle of the foyer or on his way to the sofa from the door. I think it's a common complaint from women about men, not all men but enough. So JK is typical. Why can't he change? I asked him many times. One time he said something to the extent that I would miss it if I didn't have to pick up after him. Then he giggled and gave me a big hug. What is this? Charm me into being a typical wife from the 50's? Anyway. Thank God Ethan appears to be picking up after himself, and the next addition is a girl. I guess if this is the biggest complaint I have of JK, it's not so bad. With the help of a friend, I figured out a solution to the problem. It is the put-them-all-in-the-box solution with the caveat of a sign that says "To be discarded as garbage every Friday." Can't wait to watch his reaction. Hee Hee!
This is the article my friend Audrey emailed me today about happy marriages: http://aolsvc.health.webmd.aol.com/content/article/97/103988.htm
JW
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
She is BIG!
Yesterday was an exciting yet depressing day. JK went with me to see my OBGYN because we could get a glimpse of her during the ultrasound, where her development was once again checked and her weight estimated. The technician even gave us a 3D picture of her face, which was nice because we could see how she looks even when she was in the womb. She is chubby with a button nose, just like daddy as I was told by JK. She is healthy . . . and 5 lbs 15 ozs!!!!!! By size, she is 36 weeks. By gestational age, she is only 34 weeks. So good for her, sad for me as I will certainly have to push for more than 2 hours this time around. She is growing at 1 oz a day at this stage of her life. So by 38 weeks, she will be more than 8 lbs. All these brought back memories of a difficult and painful recovery. Then, of course, I was, as well as everyone around me were, very happy to see a healthy and vibrant baby. But like the experience of all mothers, mothers are often forgotten as soon as the baby is born. Having babies is thought to be such a "natural" thing that women are expected to bounce back to normal health and spirit very quickly after the baby is born. This is true for some women, but not for some. I am not one of those lucky ones as my babies tend to be big and I am just not so physically fit.
As a mother, I am grateful that she is healthy and I can't wait to hold her in my arms and kiss her tender skin. I just hope I'll be healthy enough to bond with her and to take good care of her.
JW
Yesterday was an exciting yet depressing day. JK went with me to see my OBGYN because we could get a glimpse of her during the ultrasound, where her development was once again checked and her weight estimated. The technician even gave us a 3D picture of her face, which was nice because we could see how she looks even when she was in the womb. She is chubby with a button nose, just like daddy as I was told by JK. She is healthy . . . and 5 lbs 15 ozs!!!!!! By size, she is 36 weeks. By gestational age, she is only 34 weeks. So good for her, sad for me as I will certainly have to push for more than 2 hours this time around. She is growing at 1 oz a day at this stage of her life. So by 38 weeks, she will be more than 8 lbs. All these brought back memories of a difficult and painful recovery. Then, of course, I was, as well as everyone around me were, very happy to see a healthy and vibrant baby. But like the experience of all mothers, mothers are often forgotten as soon as the baby is born. Having babies is thought to be such a "natural" thing that women are expected to bounce back to normal health and spirit very quickly after the baby is born. This is true for some women, but not for some. I am not one of those lucky ones as my babies tend to be big and I am just not so physically fit.
As a mother, I am grateful that she is healthy and I can't wait to hold her in my arms and kiss her tender skin. I just hope I'll be healthy enough to bond with her and to take good care of her.
JW
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Gender Discrimination Still Quite Strong
People generally take men more seriously than women. Why?
In shopping for a new car two years ago, I went into the dealership knowing pretty much what I wanted. JK didn't quite know. But as it turned out, the conversation happened between JK and the sales agent. I barely got a word in. JK asked good questions, many of which I could have answered because I did the research. The sales agent was patient with JK. I never felt any sales agent is patient with me, and I can bet a lot of money that if I had asked the type of questions that JK asked, I would be treated as being annoying or plain too ignorant. Nonetheless, because the questions came out of a man who was eloquent, decent looking and serious, he was a serious customer.
Then when we started searching for an apartment in Manhattan a year ago, even though I was the one who set up the appointment etc, as soon as the agent meets us, the conversations were never with me. I was just the woman who tagged along. Granted, JK does tend to ask a lot of questions. The only time when I was really talked to was when one of the real estate agent was a woman, and she saw that my concerns were the deciding factors on whether we will make an offer on an apartment. So agents could talk to JK till the sun comes down, the deal won't happen without my concerns being addressed. So once that was taken into consideration, this female agent got us our current apartment. Interestingly, she and her son who work as partners had for prejudicial reasons thought that we live in a one-income family because I am pregnant. They only found out that I actually have a job when they asked for our attorney's contact information, and I gave her my contact information. They were in shock, though they try to hide it. I know I don't try to dress like a lawyer. Why should I? In any event, I think even if I dressed in suits everytime we go view an apartment, I would still have been on the sideline with the conversations mainly between JK and the agent.
This happened again as we were trying to lock down a general contractor to renovate the apartment. I always go into a meeting with a good idea of what I want and with an open mind on whatever suggestions the contractor may have. JK, on the other hand, has a lot of questions and figures out what he wants in the process. So you can imagine what happens. I was standing there, and they engaged in a conversation of what will be renovated and the approximate cost. I tried to get a few words in, correcting JK on what we really wanted etc. After the meeting, I would have a serious conversation with JK about what I wanted to ensure that he knows what to discuss with contractors when we interview them. When we finally locked in a contractor, the contract was between JK and the GC. Hey, no problem. I just felt I have no voice in conversations that matter. JK went through the contract paragraph by paragraph, requesting changes to the language in warranties, etc. According to the GC, none of his customers ever read the second page with all the terms, let along requesting the language be changed. That's the good thing about JK -- he sends the message that he cannot be fooled in an indirect way. What was interesting was JK got so involved in the discussion with the GC that he actually thinks he knows more about contract law than me, and overruled me on a pure contract law question in front of the GC. I didn't want to reveal that I am a lawyer because I don't like how people react when they realize they were talking to a lawyer so I kept quiet. It didn't matter anyway because JK was going to get the contract language changed with or without my help. So I guess it's okay as long as I am with JK. Imagine if I have to go it alone as a woman? I would have been dismissed early on for being too troublesome with questions, or thought not to have enough money rather than trying to get a good deal. It's so unfair that men (and some women too) still can't take women seriously today, when there are so many professional women with money ready and able to buy big ticket items, particularly in New York City.
The search for a new home has made it absolutely clear to me that because I am a woman, it doesn't matter how much money I have, I will still have to work extra hard to get serviced and tolerate being treated as less worthy of the service provider's time.
JW
People generally take men more seriously than women. Why?
In shopping for a new car two years ago, I went into the dealership knowing pretty much what I wanted. JK didn't quite know. But as it turned out, the conversation happened between JK and the sales agent. I barely got a word in. JK asked good questions, many of which I could have answered because I did the research. The sales agent was patient with JK. I never felt any sales agent is patient with me, and I can bet a lot of money that if I had asked the type of questions that JK asked, I would be treated as being annoying or plain too ignorant. Nonetheless, because the questions came out of a man who was eloquent, decent looking and serious, he was a serious customer.
Then when we started searching for an apartment in Manhattan a year ago, even though I was the one who set up the appointment etc, as soon as the agent meets us, the conversations were never with me. I was just the woman who tagged along. Granted, JK does tend to ask a lot of questions. The only time when I was really talked to was when one of the real estate agent was a woman, and she saw that my concerns were the deciding factors on whether we will make an offer on an apartment. So agents could talk to JK till the sun comes down, the deal won't happen without my concerns being addressed. So once that was taken into consideration, this female agent got us our current apartment. Interestingly, she and her son who work as partners had for prejudicial reasons thought that we live in a one-income family because I am pregnant. They only found out that I actually have a job when they asked for our attorney's contact information, and I gave her my contact information. They were in shock, though they try to hide it. I know I don't try to dress like a lawyer. Why should I? In any event, I think even if I dressed in suits everytime we go view an apartment, I would still have been on the sideline with the conversations mainly between JK and the agent.
This happened again as we were trying to lock down a general contractor to renovate the apartment. I always go into a meeting with a good idea of what I want and with an open mind on whatever suggestions the contractor may have. JK, on the other hand, has a lot of questions and figures out what he wants in the process. So you can imagine what happens. I was standing there, and they engaged in a conversation of what will be renovated and the approximate cost. I tried to get a few words in, correcting JK on what we really wanted etc. After the meeting, I would have a serious conversation with JK about what I wanted to ensure that he knows what to discuss with contractors when we interview them. When we finally locked in a contractor, the contract was between JK and the GC. Hey, no problem. I just felt I have no voice in conversations that matter. JK went through the contract paragraph by paragraph, requesting changes to the language in warranties, etc. According to the GC, none of his customers ever read the second page with all the terms, let along requesting the language be changed. That's the good thing about JK -- he sends the message that he cannot be fooled in an indirect way. What was interesting was JK got so involved in the discussion with the GC that he actually thinks he knows more about contract law than me, and overruled me on a pure contract law question in front of the GC. I didn't want to reveal that I am a lawyer because I don't like how people react when they realize they were talking to a lawyer so I kept quiet. It didn't matter anyway because JK was going to get the contract language changed with or without my help. So I guess it's okay as long as I am with JK. Imagine if I have to go it alone as a woman? I would have been dismissed early on for being too troublesome with questions, or thought not to have enough money rather than trying to get a good deal. It's so unfair that men (and some women too) still can't take women seriously today, when there are so many professional women with money ready and able to buy big ticket items, particularly in New York City.
The search for a new home has made it absolutely clear to me that because I am a woman, it doesn't matter how much money I have, I will still have to work extra hard to get serviced and tolerate being treated as less worthy of the service provider's time.
JW
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