Gender Discrimination Still Quite Strong

People generally take men more seriously than women. Why?

In shopping for a new car two years ago, I went into the dealership knowing pretty much what I wanted. JK didn't quite know. But as it turned out, the conversation happened between JK and the sales agent. I barely got a word in. JK asked good questions, many of which I could have answered because I did the research. The sales agent was patient with JK. I never felt any sales agent is patient with me, and I can bet a lot of money that if I had asked the type of questions that JK asked, I would be treated as being annoying or plain too ignorant. Nonetheless, because the questions came out of a man who was eloquent, decent looking and serious, he was a serious customer.

Then when we started searching for an apartment in Manhattan a year ago, even though I was the one who set up the appointment etc, as soon as the agent meets us, the conversations were never with me. I was just the woman who tagged along. Granted, JK does tend to ask a lot of questions. The only time when I was really talked to was when one of the real estate agent was a woman, and she saw that my concerns were the deciding factors on whether we will make an offer on an apartment. So agents could talk to JK till the sun comes down, the deal won't happen without my concerns being addressed. So once that was taken into consideration, this female agent got us our current apartment. Interestingly, she and her son who work as partners had for prejudicial reasons thought that we live in a one-income family because I am pregnant. They only found out that I actually have a job when they asked for our attorney's contact information, and I gave her my contact information. They were in shock, though they try to hide it. I know I don't try to dress like a lawyer. Why should I? In any event, I think even if I dressed in suits everytime we go view an apartment, I would still have been on the sideline with the conversations mainly between JK and the agent.

This happened again as we were trying to lock down a general contractor to renovate the apartment. I always go into a meeting with a good idea of what I want and with an open mind on whatever suggestions the contractor may have. JK, on the other hand, has a lot of questions and figures out what he wants in the process. So you can imagine what happens. I was standing there, and they engaged in a conversation of what will be renovated and the approximate cost. I tried to get a few words in, correcting JK on what we really wanted etc. After the meeting, I would have a serious conversation with JK about what I wanted to ensure that he knows what to discuss with contractors when we interview them. When we finally locked in a contractor, the contract was between JK and the GC. Hey, no problem. I just felt I have no voice in conversations that matter. JK went through the contract paragraph by paragraph, requesting changes to the language in warranties, etc. According to the GC, none of his customers ever read the second page with all the terms, let along requesting the language be changed. That's the good thing about JK -- he sends the message that he cannot be fooled in an indirect way. What was interesting was JK got so involved in the discussion with the GC that he actually thinks he knows more about contract law than me, and overruled me on a pure contract law question in front of the GC. I didn't want to reveal that I am a lawyer because I don't like how people react when they realize they were talking to a lawyer so I kept quiet. It didn't matter anyway because JK was going to get the contract language changed with or without my help. So I guess it's okay as long as I am with JK. Imagine if I have to go it alone as a woman? I would have been dismissed early on for being too troublesome with questions, or thought not to have enough money rather than trying to get a good deal. It's so unfair that men (and some women too) still can't take women seriously today, when there are so many professional women with money ready and able to buy big ticket items, particularly in New York City.

The search for a new home has made it absolutely clear to me that because I am a woman, it doesn't matter how much money I have, I will still have to work extra hard to get serviced and tolerate being treated as less worthy of the service provider's time.

JW