Holiday Train Show

We missed the New York Botanical Holiday Train Show last year.  This year, I made sure daddy reserve tickets ahead of time through his corporate membership.  So today, we went!  The show was great as usual, with a few new additions.  For the years 2007 and 2008, we saw the show several times around Christmas so both Ethan and Artimus have a strong memory about what they would see.  The excitement was still there, though not as "wow" as when they first saw the train show when Ethan was two and three.  Artimus was a good sport, as usual.  She thoroughly enjoyed watching the trains go back and forth on the same tracks.  Wish we had time to see other performances in the garden but they needed their naps.  Oh, Ethan was snapping away with my iPhone.  He may be a budding photographer :-)!

 At Artimus' Thanksgiving party, she danced, sang, and showed me she could read a few words!  She even showed me she could take good pictures of me ... well, most of me.

My cutie-pie is growing up fast!  She wants to be like mommy and she loves my BIG sunglasses.

Self-Determination

As a parent, knowing where to draw the line of who makes the decision is a growing process.  While Artimus embraces almost anything, Ethan resists just about everything.  Artimus loves her piano lessons and swimming lessons.  Ethan resists practicing piano but doesn't mind going to lessons.  He would bang his head till it cracks before he would touch water in a pool.  And I hear more negative comments from him than I can bear.  Is it me?  Or is it boys?  Or it is him? 

I am determined to let Artimus and Ethan learn the things that I wish I had the opportunity to learn.  But it seems like Ethan is determined to not learn how to swim.  Do I respect his determination?  Or do I help him overcome his fear of water?  As an adult, anyone who asks me to jump from higher grounds might as well asks me to commit suicide - because it's not about fear; it's about why I have to experience such high level of distress.  I ask myself similar questions whenever Ethan resists swimming lessons - will he be missing sooooo much if he doesn't know how to swim?

I must say, it's still so much more pleasant to hear enthusiasm for learning.  Artimus would come up to me and say thank you, just like that, for letting her play piano and learn how to swim.  Then she would say, "I want Ethan to swim with me."  Oh well.  May be she will come up with better ideas of how to get Ethan into the pool.

JW

When is death tragic?

Death is tragic when it's unnatural.  Today, a close friend who was only 37, passed away after a sudden yet major stroke.  (She is on life support but her wishes was to be off of it.  Her family needs just a little more time for closure.)  She left behind two children, 3 and 6 (and her husband, parents, siblings, nieces etc),

There is a lot of memories of her.  Most of them now involve her children.  Her children was her life.  I will soon begin to realize she is no longer around.  Until then, my defense mechanism kicks in and wonder how life can go on for her husband and two kids.  I also realize that life is fragile and I must finish writing my living will.  I do not want my family to have to deal with wondering how I want things done while still grieving their loss.  So to all my friends out there, please write a will, for yourself and most importantly for your loved ones.  Anything can happen and we want to make sure those we love know that we love them enough to walk them through the most difficult time.

-JW

Mama is Confused

It's the fifth year that I have been struggling with where Ethan should be sleeping, with the last two years being at war to put him to sleep in his own bed.  Today, at the dentist, I realized he really could sleep in his own bed, except for my weakness.  Poor Ethan had an infection discovered by his dentist on a regular visit.  The x-ray showed that the best thing to do is extraction.  So Ethan was totally taken by surprise.  I could understand the pain and anger.  It appears from the dentist that he was more difficult than most, and he screamed at the expectation of pain, as if he was in pain.  That made it even more difficult to decipher whether he needed more "sleeping drugs" for his mouth.  At one point, he was so mad that he pulled my hand over and gestured that he wanted to bite me.  I was really upset.  After all was done, and the dentist stepped out, I explained to him that either we have more problems with all the surrounding teeth or pull just the bad one out once and for all.  Ethan seemed to have understood that, because mommy had sat with him on three baby root canal over the summer, and many fillings before that.  I am more sick of the dentist and the dental bill than him.  When we left, he even said thank you to the dentist on his own initiative.

This whole dental experience had led me to wonder whether I was just too soft for Ethan.  There are a lot of things he does not like, including getting dental work and sleeping in his own bed by himself.  The dentist got it done, and Ethan said thank you.  Perhaps gift incentives and the happy face chart need to be revived.  A game plan needs to be in place.  I would love to keep Ethan in my bed but he needs to be tougher.  Ethan needs to learn resilience - to bounce back emotionally on his own, after knowing and accepting that sleeping on his own is important because he will have to deal with all the craziness of life on his own without succumbing to fears and running to mommy and daddy whenever he encounters unpleasant experiences.  I hope I am on the right track in the way I think.  I don't want to pamper him, or Artimus.  The world is not so loving and forgiving.  It's my job to prepare them.  Wish me luck, once again.  I hope Ethan will thank me when he is older. 

Too Much Love?

It's hard to know why some kids can sleep on their own and why some just cling on to the parent's bed.  After one whole year of relentless fighting with Ethan, I succumbed to his need to sleep more.  He was sleeping between 7 to 9 hours a day, and he was very unpleasant to be around.  He was also beginning to use other ways to get me to sleep with him.  Most recently, he said to me, "If you don't sleep with me, I am taking you out of my heart."  At first I was really upset.  Then I realized he learned that this had the most impact so he kept on saying it.  He also cried from his heart when I insisted that he needs to sleep in his own bed because he is a big boy.  Is all the aggravation healthy for him and his relationship with me?  This past week, I slept with them every night.  He slept through the night and he woke up refreshed and happy.  Is this too much love for Ethan and Artimus?  I also realized that Artimus cries in the middle of the night from bad dreams.  It happened last night.  I hope this is not chronic.  I held her tight and kissed her until she fell back asleep.  They are so cute to sleep with.  I think we really only needed a full size bed, not a king size.

On the nights I have them, I would naturally fall asleep with them.  The kiddies are so exhausting.  On nights like tonight, the apartment seems so big and empty.  I also need some noise.  I miss their ever incessant voices and laughter, their discovery of yet one more ways of playing the same innocuous toys.  Their curiosity and love for adventure never fail to uplift my spirit.  When someone said to me today that she does not like children, I could not relate.  I could only hope that she'll have the chance to experience the joy of parenthood.

Hope all my readers/friends are doing well.

-JW

Experiences

Ethan is the photographer these days.  He captures the most natural moments, especially Artimus' free spirit.  There is nothing more lifting after a hard day than to hear their happy jolly voices talking about the simplest of issues, or getting musically happy when a new item is bought for them because they are getting "older".

Yesterday, I had a terrible night running about trying to buy the right booster seats for them while they have dinner at my mom's.  When they got to see the boxes open that night, they got singyi about their new car seats.  It was those laughter and excitement that made all the troubles worth the while.  My darlings are growing up!

Peach Picking

Good memories can be medicine for hard times.  So we try to keep traditions that bring back good memories.  Peach-picking is one thing we did for the past three summers, so we know that they remember the farm - the same one we visit every summer.  And each year it's a different experience for everyone.  This year, they walked and picked their own peaches (well, pretty much picked their own peaches), played in the same familiar playground, and splashed water in the same outdoor faucet.  Daddy loved doing these outdoor type things, which I must take credit for discovering the place and came up with the idea that we should visit every summer.  Big handsome daddy is good at recreating good memories.  I guess I just have to keep discovering fun places to go.

Hope you are doing well and enjoying the summer.

JW

Fresh Air and Greens

We took off to the country early this morning, throwing into the bag just barely what we needed.  It must be the weather, or Artimus and Ethan really grew up to be more pleasant by the day.  We had a calm and easy ride up to the house we were invited to ... by Ethan's admirer.  Good looks do help, even at age 4.  I couldn't believe my eyes as I saw him acting like a man with a girlfriend.  He drove this pink barbie jeep with just one arm, and his "girlfriend" insisted on being the passenger.  They even sat by themselves under an apple tree, just chating and laughing away.  By night, Ethan wanted to sleep with her, who sleeps with her sister and mom in one big bed.  I allowed it, knowing that he'll crawl back to my bed at some point in the night.  Well, he couldn't fall asleep at all ... ah, what a surprise!  In my arms, he fell asleep like a baby. In fact, both Artimus and Ethan were dead asleep by the time they fell asleep.  They had so much fun, they went to bed very happy.  Perhaps, that's what they needed - friendship and lots of fun things to do in wide open spaces.  We were also in great company - a relaxed couple with beautiful girls.

The fresh air is giving me therapy from the busy rush that define most of my days.  Ethan and Artimus are also such pleasant and fun children to spend time with.  I am so happy today just spending time with them, watching them run about happily just being kids.  It's also relaxing to share with friends I really like.  JK is not here with us.  This is the first trip with the kids by myself.  It's not so bad.  In fact, it's great!

Separation Anxiety

Finally, I got a business trip that gave me a legitimate reason to be away from the kids.  This means a lot - sleep and rest are among the most craved.  But I ended up not getting much of both by most standards.  It's a real working trip and I am up late doing work, and only squeezing in dinner with a colleague if time permitted.  I feel good on the one hand, and lonely on the other.  I miss these little creatures.  Their everyday little troubles and joys filled my life after work, and these troubles gave me giggles.  Ethan's latest anguish is Alex, his friend since two, doesn't play with him sometimes and told him he was not invited to the birthday party.  Ethan claimed Alex' words hurt his feelings, and Alex "is not his friend anymore." Then Ethan turned around and told Artimus that she was a bad girl because she wanted to wash his hair and he didn't like that.  What happened next? Artimus came crying to me, "He hurt my feelings.  I want Ethan to say sorry to me."  Sounds familiar?  I guess we adults behave the same way, but with more sophisticated words and style.  I miss these little creatures - they love so fully, with so much purity and raw feelings.  Who could deny love?  When I called them tonight, which is the 3rd night since I have been away, they were busy telling me what they were doing (playing race cars or something).  They did not even ask when I'll be back!  It looks like they could live without me ... at least for a few days. 

On another note, last weekend we were at Sesame Place.  It was great!  Who could resist water splashing all over you on a hot summer day?  Oh, Daddy got me to go on the roller coaster ride with Artimus, because she was of the right height this year.  Smarty Ethan insisted that he wanted to sit next to Daddy, who he thinks could "protect" him.  This was a kiddy amusement park, with a kiddy roller coaster.  But I tell ya, I thought I was going to fall out of that seat, with my little Artimus flying out into space with me.  Needless to say, I lost my voice.  NEVER AGAIN!

I miss them.  Can't wait for them to sneak into my bed in the middle of the night when I get back.  Feeling their little bodies next to mine makes me feel ... love.

JW

Balance of Work and Family

Ahh, what's that?  Even though JK is still in Utah, I worked last Sunday and I worked late two days in a row, getting home at almost 8:00 o'clock.  My children are truly blessed with a good grand-mother.  She looks after them with patience and joy even though she is tired.  I am not so blessed because there is so much work that the work is spilling into my time with the kids.  Poor Artimus has been coughing pretty badly in the last two nights and there is no medicine for a 3.5 year old.  So we both had very little sleep.  (She had no fever so I am just going to keep an eye on her.)  I am so tired.  If JK doesn't return soon, I think I'll crash.  Thank God for having a maid, despite only a few hours a week.  She did the laundry today and Artimus will have her own underwears rather than her brother's.  I really don't know how other single parents who couldn't afford a maid get by and stay sane, let alone raising healthy and happy kids.

 As soon as the craziness at work is done, I'll be scheming how to keep TV to a minimum and make reading and creating beautiful artwork our routine.  I really believe that TV makes kids less able to control their temperament, in addition to other important side effects like not as smart or social as kids who do not watch a lot of TV.

Hope you are doing well, and enjoying the sun.  Just wish the rain comes already so the humidity goes down.

Conversations

Are kids natural comedians?  JK flew to Utah for business on Sunday.  He called on Tuesday night, and Artimus said to him, in her as-a-matter-of-fact way, "Daddy, I really miss you.  I want you to come back in 5 minutes, okay?"

At 9:45 pm, I finally turned off the light, making good my threat that after 9:00 pm, they do not get to read any books.  The CD was playing the most soothing music - the same one every night. Artimus sat up, against my other threats again opening their eyes or mouth, and said, again in her as-a-matter-of-fact way, "Mommy, I think one of my teeth fell in my throat."  I said, "It's not possible so put your head back down on the pillow, NOW!"  Two seconds later, she sat up, "Mommy, where is the the ball Ethan got me from the dentist?"  Exasperated, I said, "I don't know.  We'll look for it tomorrow.  Pleeeeease close your eyes and your mouth."  In response, she said, "Okay, mommy."  One second later, she sat up, "Mommy, I think I found my baby. It's on my bed."  The baby is her toy baby.  "Great. Now sleep."  I kept my eyes on the computer, ignoring them.  In the darkness, and from the corner of my eyes, I saw her tossing and turning and I thought I saw her swinging her pillow around. Then she talked to herself in whispers.  I had no idea what she was saying to herself. Aaaaaaaaaa!  She is so cute and so exasperating! Then she rapped, and then she played with her saliva, making all sorts of noise.


Home feels like another world.  It's more hectic but it's also more fun.  Everyday is a different adventure!

Little Obsessions

When Ethan was 1 1/2, and he was introduced to buses, he would demand to have his own Metrocard, or he'll find mine or JK's in our bags.  He ate, bathed, pooped, and slept with them.  Yes, more than one was held in his hands at all times.  He even went to school with a couple of them.  I used to give a few spares to the day care teacher in case Ethan loses them or was throwing a tandrum.  These Metrocards did wonders.

Now a days, it's no longer Metrocards but little rubber duckies in different decorations, or a balloon, or little toy cars - anything that can be held in his hands.  These days, he lug around several little toy cars or trains for comfort.  Artimus started doing that as well,   They even began to role play with whatever toy they have in their hands.   It's hilarious to watch them play together because they would be all into banging, shooting, and stuff dying.  Then Artimus would burst out that it's time to get married.  I think I'll have to record this one day. 

Memories

Until the last week or so, I did not realize Ethan had such strong memories for some of his experiences.  The other day he reminded me of a bus breaking down on our way home, and we had to get off and hop on another bus.  He must have been 2 or may be 3 years old.  Then tonight, while I was trying to get them to sleep before 10:00 pm, he went to his bedroom closet and found the boogie board I had bought him when we went to Bermuda two and a half years ago, just a few days before he turned two.  He remembered exactly what the board was for and that he had used it "a long time ago" in the water. 

I think it's time to lock my door when I change my clothes.  He has not been respecting my rule that mommy needs her privacy.  Ahh, he is growing up.  I can't believe he is not a baby anymore. 

In school, he is learning all sorts of stuff from his friends.  He demonstrated to Artimus how to make a gun using his fingers.  Then he tells me all sorts of truths (i.e. "Do you know that a penguin jumps into the icy cold water and swim?"  "Do you know that the birds sing in the morning to wake us all up?" "Do you know that when I cry that means I am really tired?" etc etc).  This is truly an amazing age. 

I am going to withhold stories of my early morning drama with Ethan everyday, which he understands he is the one responsible for our arguments.  I can't get him to go to school on time because he knowingly refuses to put on his shoes etc.  He is growing up.  It will be nice if he would just get dressed in time in the morning by himself and head to school without whining.

Love and Fights

We love in the morning and we engage in battles at night.  That seems to be the natural cycle these days.  Every morning, I find them in my bed calmly snuggled close to me.  At night, they want me to hold their hands so they would fall asleep in their own beds.  I counter with either I stay in the room and type on the computer, or I leave.  Tonight, Ethan refused to close his eyes unless I let him grab my feet.  Artimus demanded that I hold her hand while she falls asleep.  I told them the rules, counted to three, and their eyes were still looking at me.  So I got up and left the room.  She cried.  Ethan just quietly walked over to my room, sat on my bed and looked at me with his very tired eyes.  I repeated to him the rules.  He agreed.  We went back to Artimus who was still crying in her bed.  She agreed to stay in her bed and sleep while I type on the computer.  After I started typing, the whole time ignoring them, out of the blue she said, "Sorry mommy," and started crying again.  Aaah, so sensitive!  I went over and kissed her good night for the one millionth time.  Only after all this fuss that they fell sound asleep, at 10:55 pm.  Thank God it's Friday night! 

I still don't have the hearts to just walk out of the room and force them to fall asleep on their own.  I am afraid that by leaving the room and letting them cry it out would only mean that I am not recognizing that at night, children have unreasonable fear of monsters.  Adults can rationalize it all they want.  The truth remains that we can all remember those early days when we fear the dark or some unknown forces we could not explain. 

Anyway, the summer is coming near.  It's a good time to push them further into independent at night.

Hope you had a beautiful April.

-JW

Gifted and Talented?  Or Pure Luck?

I am referring to that test that four year olds take to get into a gifted and talented program in NYC.  While I think Ethan is a smart kid and above average, I often find him to be wild.  He has obsessions that drive me nuts.  He is also a very passionate kid who gets attach to friends and can't stop talking about those friends.  For awhile I thought he was just going to be a follower in life because he was always talking about what another kid did in school and that he wants to do that too.  Then there were times he shocks me with the things he can think about and articulate.

Well, last night, I got an email from the DOE saying he qualified to apply to a gifted and talented program.  I was happy to know that but forgot my password to get into the system to check out his score.  So this morning, when I saw the score, I almost fell off my chair.  My son is gifted and talented?  May be all these headache and heartache are worth it?  May be we have hope?  I called the daddy immediately.  He also couldn't believe it because he was convinced that while Ethan was smart, he was no top-of-the-class of the 4 year olds. 

So we are pleasantly surprised.  But people tell me smart kids are expensive.  Anyway, a stubborn kid has a stubborn mom - I love the school he is in now so he is staying.  Daddy may think differently.  A part of me is wondering if I should at least do some due diligence by visiting the nearest gifted and talented school.   The application deadline is next Friday.  There is just not enough time in a day to do all that one must do.

Hope your day is as exciting but not so filled with dilemma.

-JW

Mother Guilt

I often wonder if I am doing my best for my children when it comes to schooling.  Ethan is in the school of my dream - the dual language school in the lower east side.  But I have not been able to do much homework with him because there is just not enough time after I get home from work.  I still cook.  Then there is cleaning the dishes.  By the time we get to the bedroom, it's 8:30 pm.  After a book or two, a bath, and brushing teeth, it's 9:30.  Needless to say, by that point, I am in a frantic mode to shut the lights and force them to close their eyes.  Ethan has been able to fall asleep faster these days.  I guess he really resists the nap in school.  Artimus, on the other hand, has been the one unable to fall asleep.

All said, there is just not enough time to do all that must be done and do school work.  I guess it's all routine.  Our current routine is just not meeting his academic needs.  His Chinese teacher has been sending him notes to bring home that said he needs to practice his pronunciation and writing his Chinese characters.  What can I do?  I have a full time job?  I need to think hard and get myself disciplined.  The problem is I love to sleep and I really enjoy a freshly cooked dinner.  Perhaps with school age children, and being a single mom, this just has to change.

On another note, when we were having dinner tonight, and the soup was still being boiled, I told them that the smell of soup reminds me of home because my mother always made soup.  Ethan immediately told me that the smell of soup reminds him of mommy.  I was so happy I think I was in tears.  It's true, I rarely ever have to remind him to drink his soup.

The weather is getting warmer.  I hope everyone is enjoying the sun.  There are those with spring fever, myself included, who seem to be dressing for weather 20 degrees warmer.  The coats and jackets are just too heavy and depressing.  It's time to stay out in the park all day!  Don't you agree?

Central Park Zoo

Practice Makes Perfect

Ethan is now a pro at his new scooter.  We scoot everywhere.  He promised he would help me practice with my new scooter.  For the life of me, I just find walking faster and less strenuous.  I also realized I am not very good at balancing.  So what do I hear when I start walking with the scooter?  "Mommy, practice makes perfect!  You have to get back on the scooter!"  Ahh, I wanted to talk him out of telling me how much fun it is to scoot but I am thinking hard before I say a word.  For a mother who constantly tells her kids to get up and try again, and practice-makes-perfect, what would he learn if I tell him I am just not good at scooting and I don't have to like or be good at everything?  I think for a 4 year old, it's pretty confusing.  So I don't think I have a choice.  I have to learn to use that scooter this summer.  I'll just practice till I can do it.  What was I thinking when I told him we'll scoot around town together this summer?  Aaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!