Little Obsessions

When Ethan was 1 1/2, and he was introduced to buses, he would demand to have his own Metrocard, or he'll find mine or JK's in our bags.  He ate, bathed, pooped, and slept with them.  Yes, more than one was held in his hands at all times.  He even went to school with a couple of them.  I used to give a few spares to the day care teacher in case Ethan loses them or was throwing a tandrum.  These Metrocards did wonders.

Now a days, it's no longer Metrocards but little rubber duckies in different decorations, or a balloon, or little toy cars - anything that can be held in his hands.  These days, he lug around several little toy cars or trains for comfort.  Artimus started doing that as well,   They even began to role play with whatever toy they have in their hands.   It's hilarious to watch them play together because they would be all into banging, shooting, and stuff dying.  Then Artimus would burst out that it's time to get married.  I think I'll have to record this one day. 

Memories

Until the last week or so, I did not realize Ethan had such strong memories for some of his experiences.  The other day he reminded me of a bus breaking down on our way home, and we had to get off and hop on another bus.  He must have been 2 or may be 3 years old.  Then tonight, while I was trying to get them to sleep before 10:00 pm, he went to his bedroom closet and found the boogie board I had bought him when we went to Bermuda two and a half years ago, just a few days before he turned two.  He remembered exactly what the board was for and that he had used it "a long time ago" in the water. 

I think it's time to lock my door when I change my clothes.  He has not been respecting my rule that mommy needs her privacy.  Ahh, he is growing up.  I can't believe he is not a baby anymore. 

In school, he is learning all sorts of stuff from his friends.  He demonstrated to Artimus how to make a gun using his fingers.  Then he tells me all sorts of truths (i.e. "Do you know that a penguin jumps into the icy cold water and swim?"  "Do you know that the birds sing in the morning to wake us all up?" "Do you know that when I cry that means I am really tired?" etc etc).  This is truly an amazing age. 

I am going to withhold stories of my early morning drama with Ethan everyday, which he understands he is the one responsible for our arguments.  I can't get him to go to school on time because he knowingly refuses to put on his shoes etc.  He is growing up.  It will be nice if he would just get dressed in time in the morning by himself and head to school without whining.

Love and Fights

We love in the morning and we engage in battles at night.  That seems to be the natural cycle these days.  Every morning, I find them in my bed calmly snuggled close to me.  At night, they want me to hold their hands so they would fall asleep in their own beds.  I counter with either I stay in the room and type on the computer, or I leave.  Tonight, Ethan refused to close his eyes unless I let him grab my feet.  Artimus demanded that I hold her hand while she falls asleep.  I told them the rules, counted to three, and their eyes were still looking at me.  So I got up and left the room.  She cried.  Ethan just quietly walked over to my room, sat on my bed and looked at me with his very tired eyes.  I repeated to him the rules.  He agreed.  We went back to Artimus who was still crying in her bed.  She agreed to stay in her bed and sleep while I type on the computer.  After I started typing, the whole time ignoring them, out of the blue she said, "Sorry mommy," and started crying again.  Aaah, so sensitive!  I went over and kissed her good night for the one millionth time.  Only after all this fuss that they fell sound asleep, at 10:55 pm.  Thank God it's Friday night! 

I still don't have the hearts to just walk out of the room and force them to fall asleep on their own.  I am afraid that by leaving the room and letting them cry it out would only mean that I am not recognizing that at night, children have unreasonable fear of monsters.  Adults can rationalize it all they want.  The truth remains that we can all remember those early days when we fear the dark or some unknown forces we could not explain. 

Anyway, the summer is coming near.  It's a good time to push them further into independent at night.

Hope you had a beautiful April.

-JW

Gifted and Talented?  Or Pure Luck?

I am referring to that test that four year olds take to get into a gifted and talented program in NYC.  While I think Ethan is a smart kid and above average, I often find him to be wild.  He has obsessions that drive me nuts.  He is also a very passionate kid who gets attach to friends and can't stop talking about those friends.  For awhile I thought he was just going to be a follower in life because he was always talking about what another kid did in school and that he wants to do that too.  Then there were times he shocks me with the things he can think about and articulate.

Well, last night, I got an email from the DOE saying he qualified to apply to a gifted and talented program.  I was happy to know that but forgot my password to get into the system to check out his score.  So this morning, when I saw the score, I almost fell off my chair.  My son is gifted and talented?  May be all these headache and heartache are worth it?  May be we have hope?  I called the daddy immediately.  He also couldn't believe it because he was convinced that while Ethan was smart, he was no top-of-the-class of the 4 year olds. 

So we are pleasantly surprised.  But people tell me smart kids are expensive.  Anyway, a stubborn kid has a stubborn mom - I love the school he is in now so he is staying.  Daddy may think differently.  A part of me is wondering if I should at least do some due diligence by visiting the nearest gifted and talented school.   The application deadline is next Friday.  There is just not enough time in a day to do all that one must do.

Hope your day is as exciting but not so filled with dilemma.

-JW

Mother Guilt

I often wonder if I am doing my best for my children when it comes to schooling.  Ethan is in the school of my dream - the dual language school in the lower east side.  But I have not been able to do much homework with him because there is just not enough time after I get home from work.  I still cook.  Then there is cleaning the dishes.  By the time we get to the bedroom, it's 8:30 pm.  After a book or two, a bath, and brushing teeth, it's 9:30.  Needless to say, by that point, I am in a frantic mode to shut the lights and force them to close their eyes.  Ethan has been able to fall asleep faster these days.  I guess he really resists the nap in school.  Artimus, on the other hand, has been the one unable to fall asleep.

All said, there is just not enough time to do all that must be done and do school work.  I guess it's all routine.  Our current routine is just not meeting his academic needs.  His Chinese teacher has been sending him notes to bring home that said he needs to practice his pronunciation and writing his Chinese characters.  What can I do?  I have a full time job?  I need to think hard and get myself disciplined.  The problem is I love to sleep and I really enjoy a freshly cooked dinner.  Perhaps with school age children, and being a single mom, this just has to change.

On another note, when we were having dinner tonight, and the soup was still being boiled, I told them that the smell of soup reminds me of home because my mother always made soup.  Ethan immediately told me that the smell of soup reminds him of mommy.  I was so happy I think I was in tears.  It's true, I rarely ever have to remind him to drink his soup.

The weather is getting warmer.  I hope everyone is enjoying the sun.  There are those with spring fever, myself included, who seem to be dressing for weather 20 degrees warmer.  The coats and jackets are just too heavy and depressing.  It's time to stay out in the park all day!  Don't you agree?

Central Park Zoo

Practice Makes Perfect

Ethan is now a pro at his new scooter.  We scoot everywhere.  He promised he would help me practice with my new scooter.  For the life of me, I just find walking faster and less strenuous.  I also realized I am not very good at balancing.  So what do I hear when I start walking with the scooter?  "Mommy, practice makes perfect!  You have to get back on the scooter!"  Ahh, I wanted to talk him out of telling me how much fun it is to scoot but I am thinking hard before I say a word.  For a mother who constantly tells her kids to get up and try again, and practice-makes-perfect, what would he learn if I tell him I am just not good at scooting and I don't have to like or be good at everything?  I think for a 4 year old, it's pretty confusing.  So I don't think I have a choice.  I have to learn to use that scooter this summer.  I'll just practice till I can do it.  What was I thinking when I told him we'll scoot around town together this summer?  Aaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

My Smart Little Sweet Thing

I am working late again today.  I mean really late, say after 11:00 pm.  I figure if I work late I'll miss seeing the kids so I might as well work very late to get more writing done. 

I called home at 9:30 pm, just before the light goes out and they have to hit the bed.  The first thing that came out of Artimus was, "Mommy, I want you to come home and sleep in your own bed."  Well, where else could I go?  I promised her I would not sleep in my office, and I would sleep in my own bed.  Ethan asked what I was doing.  I explained that I have work I must finish.  Then we "hugged" and "kissed" over the phone before we hung up.  It's a bedtime ritual that I can't let them forget.

Artimus and Ethan are really growing up.  I am learning that they could live without me, even if they really miss me.  This is a good thing.

Ahh, What?

Kids can say the most illogical thing.  Last night, after requiring Artimus to pee before she goes to sleep, and after she pee'ed unwillingly, she cried and said, "I want to put the pee back in my butt."  Ahh, okay.  That's a new one for trying to avoid going to bed.  I told her to drink a glass of water and the pee will be right back in her butt.

The day before JK and I actually tried to put the pee back into her butt.  We were so serious, Artimus couldn't stop laughing as we were "trying" to pour the urine from the potty back into her butt. 

Kids are work!

Ethan vs. Artimus

While Ethan couldn't take his eyes off his new mini razor scooter, and wants to give away his Radio Flyer scooter, Artimus couldn't let go of her pink scooter grandma bought her last summer.  Artimus asked me to return her green mini razor scooter.  This is a pretty amazing experience - my 3 year old chose a difficult-to-control and heavy scooter over an extremely well-designed, fast, and light scooter, all for her love of the scooter she always had.  One may question she just may not know how good the new scooter is.  But Ethan has been boasting about the speed, light weight, and stability of the mini razor since he got it Wednesday night.  Even Ethan is begging her to just try her mini scooter so they can play together.

Another possibility is that Artimus is just too proud to accept something she did not earn.  Unlike Ethan, she never got 42 happy faces for a continuous seven-day period, which was required before she could open the box to her new scooter.  Artimus eyed it frequently. So after two days, I subcumbed and opened the box anyway.  But she did not budge.  She still insisted that I return it.  Ahhhhhh, my sweet little darling is driving me crazy!

My regular razor scooter is arriving in the mail soon.  I am hoping to scoot down the streets in the neighborhood with my two little ones on warm sunny days.  May be we'll scoot into friends?

Anxious Anticipation

Do you still remember the days when you wait anxiously, with all the excitement one can have, for something to be delivered?  And you were right there at home waiting for it?  As much as it was exciting to anticipate such a delivery, you must agree it was torturous too. 

Ethan earned his razor mini kick scooter and I mistakenly told him that it would be delivered today.  Well, the scooter is in transit to be delivered today.  The mistake was in telling him because he has been at the door every few minutes checking if the delivery arrived.  The babysitter couldn't even convince him to go out for a bike ride.  When I called a few minutes ago, Ethan's first words were, "How many more minutes, Mommy?  Is it here yet?"  Huh, what should I say?  My poor little boy.  I told him the package won't get there any sooner just because he is at the door wishing that it arrives.  I told him to just go to the playground in the back of the building and have fun.  Ethan said he'll have fun at home with his trains and train tracks.  Then he couldn't wait to get off the phone so he can go back to door-watching.

I hope the scooter arrives as scheduled.  Otherwise, Ethan will bug me till I want to jump out the window. 

Is there a better word to describe Ethan's feelings than anxious anticipation?

Incentives

Human nature has the best of us -- desires for "stuff" can truly be the driving force for achievements.  At the age of 4, it's the Razor Mini Kick Scooter, and Ethan is very close to earning it.  Unknown to him, I already ordered two, one for him and one for Artimus.  These little scooters are not the least cheap.  But they could do wonders.  To earn this scooter, Ethan had to, among the seven critical items, (1) stop using hurtful words when he gets angry, (2) sleep through the night by himself in his own bed, and (3) get dress by himself everyday.  He had to get six out of seven "happy faces" each day for seven days straight to earn it.  So far, after seven days, he had made marked improvements.  And for two days in a row, he even stopped crawling into my bed until after 6:00 am.  If he gets seven happy faces today as well as tomorrow, you will see him riding that scooter down Grand Street with a happy proud face.  In fact, you might see me, Artimus and Ethan each riding our own scooter down Grand Street on a sunny day.  Yup, mommy got a scooter too.  They can't be the only ones having fun! 

After a year of struggles, the Razor Mini Kick Scooter turned out to be the best motivator for change. 

Oh, in case you are wondering, Artimus has no problem with the big issues, like sleeping.  She has the little issues like whining and not wanting to brush her teeth or get out of the bathtub.  Interestingly, I'll have to hide her scooter until she comes close to earning it.  Right now, she is barely getting five happy faces a day.

Single Mom and Single Dad

After about three months of waiting for the divorce papers to pass through the bureaucratic machinary, JK and I finally got the Judgment of Divorce.  It's in the County Clerk's Office.  It's about another year if I want a copy mailed to me.  It's just $8 if I go pick it up tomorrow.  Divorce is never easy.

I am running there to get a copy because I have to change my health insurance so the kids can see their pediatricians again.  The two Artimus and Ethan have been visiting since birth are really old timers.  The new one Ethan and I visited last Friday didn't seem to know her stuff.  Ethan was referred to two specialists.  Such was never the case before. 

Now, Mom and Dad are both single.  What does that mean?  I have yet to find out.  It's a journey full of hope ... or, may be today's weather seems to make me see everything more positively.

 

Parent-Teacher Conference

Ethan is doing well in school, according to his teachers.  The Chinese teacher, who speaks no English, said that Ethan loves to talk and talks too much in class.  She also encourages students to speak only Mandarin in class but Ethan is talking too much in English.  She wants me to be aware of this problem.  I don't see what I can do to change this except to mention to Ethan that I am aware of his being a chatter box in class.  Then the Chinese teacher noted that Ethan has the inclination to color and draw with black and other dark colors.  She said that's a sign that Ethan is not happy and he is thinking about things.  I thought that was an interesting observation. 

The English teacher, and her assistant, was more upbeat about Ethan.  They said that he is not just a follower, and that he sometimes enjoy taking the lead when he plays with other kids.  They were quite pleased with his progress because he apologizes when he is told that he did something wrong.  In particular, he used to hate holding hands with his partner Sally.  He would either refuse to hold her hand or he would squeeze her hand really hard so that Sally would go running to the teachers.  Now, they said, with relief, Ethan doesn't do that as frequently.  The main teacher said that she has high expectations from Ethan because he is one of the few in the class who has a large amount of vocabulary.

So, not so bad!  I just have to work on his sleep and his ability to control words that comes out of his month ... yeah, a long story.

Good Person

What makes a person good?

When I was pregnant with Ethan, I was deeply concerned about the kind of person he will become.  I realized that of all the things that I wanted my son to be, the most important to me was that he grows up to become a good person - one who cares about the plight of others and is a giving person.  I still remember that anytime I was alone with him, I would rub my belly and whisper to him my hopes and dreams that he just be a good person.

Is being a good person, under my definition, innate?  Or is it learned?  If it is learned, then I must be an example of one who cares about the plight of others and is a giving person, even if that means I forgo something/someone I truly want to have.  This is not easy, but to choose otherwise seems hypocritical.

I hope that one day, when I look back at all the decisions I made in life, that I can be proud to have made them.  What is mine is mine.  What is not will never be.  What I do have are my children.  They are my responsibility and a mark of my achievement.  So the sleepless nights will be what they will be.  I will conquer them with love.

This is an entry I share with a special friend.

My Birthday Pictures

A Little Down

I am a little down, not the kids.  There was a moment today when I just questioned whether I could handle it all alone as a single mom.  Yes, daddy is always around despite our separation.  But financially, we are quite separate.  I was to take over all medical bills this year on.  After what I thought was a thorough look-around for a good health insurance plan in my job, on our first visit to the pediatrician's for Artimus' 3 year check up, I was told by the pediatrician that they do not take GHI.  For the first time, I felt the weight of having no health insurance.  Even on a regular annual visit, which is a routine check up, the cost was an arm and a leg - $285.00, after some major discount.  How do people with no health insurance but who have health problems handle it?  This experience made me question whether I have too much on my plate and not enough mental power to do things right.  I need to reevaluate how I get things done and look for room to improve so I don't make this type of big mistake again.  Meanwhile, I'll be searching for a pediatrician who takes GHI. 

Another lesson learned today - GHI does not pay its doctors enough so doctors are dropping GHI left and right. 

As for the single moms out there handling it all, and who still have a good spirit, I applaud you.  This is a tough road to travel.

Maturing

 

I am glad to report that they are still full of spirit and quite adventurous these days, despite being home bound most of the time.  The weather is treacherous and cold.  The good thing is we are actually beginning to love being at home.  This may be because these days, they actually clean up after themselves, and we have a routine of some sort so that being home is more tolerable.  They do have incessant energy for creative play, and they chat and play together non-stop all day long.  Thank God they love playing with each other!  When my head is full and distracted like today, it's great to have a routine to follow and they have each other's company.

Artimus is THREE

 

Here is Artimus' photo smile at her three year birthday party! So typical of a three year old who does the fake/forced smile at the sight of a camera pointed at her.  She makes me laugh every time.  Can't believe she is three.  I also can't believe how the past three years felt like a lifetime.  Remembering how she was when she was a baby is a challenge.  I just remember she was always curious, even when she was just two weeks old.  When people say personality is formed or can be seen by age three, I think one can have a pretty good guess after just a week of life.  Artimus was easy going the moment she was born.  Yes, that's right, but I will spare you the details of how I came to that conclusion.  To this day, at age three, Artimus is still easy going, with a carefree way about her.  At times though, she is beginning to be self conscious of her appearance and what people think about her.  So only recently, I find that she is exhibiting some "shyness" and reservations about saying "hi".  Well, that's part of growing up.  Happy Birthday my love - the girl of my dreams!

Inspired by the book "Half The Sky"

I am inspired by a new found feeling that I can change the world despite all the obstacles - because either I am engaged in making it better or I am just making it just as bad.  Now, the urgency to be a part of the change comes from seeing my little girl's pure love, feelings, curiosities and innocence, and knowing that millions of little girls in poor villages throughout the world are beatened, maimed, raped, and even killed.

I love my precious Artimus and I could not even stand seeing her sad.  Well, I have the joy of saying I have never seen her sad, and I hope I never will but I know I am dreaming about that.  She has been throwing a lot of tandrums lately to get me to yield to her wishes.  Can't wait for this phase to be over. 

Hope everyone gets a chance to peek in this book.