That Special Day Was Last Tuesday 2/20/07
My baby girl Artimus took action last Tuesday morning at about 5:00 o'clock. I knew she was coming any time because of my shortness of breathe, and constant but inconsistent contractions for previous days. But one never knows exactly when. So that morning, interestingly, JK and I both woke up at about 5:00 am. We talked a bit while laying in the dark. I started telling him I have contractions and it hurts. He heard that before so he acknowledged it. Then I told him again I have contractions. He looked at me and said something like, "Is this the day?" I timed them and it's 5 minutes apart. I got nervous . . . it's the second child and everybody say it's much faster delivery. I immediately told JK to boil the ginseng. I needed all the energy I could get because Artimus was expected to be over 7 lbs and definitely has a big head. Not to mention the lack of sleep from all the night time bathroom runs and backaches. So the day began.
Thank God the type A in me got more than what the family needed packed in bags ready to go plus a check list of all that needed to be done. We took off at 7:30 and got to the hospital with no traffic by 8:00 am or so. We checked-in, told the nurse it's the second child and the first was a vaginal birth, and I was placed in a room at no time. The young nurse gently asked if I would like epidural. Oh, what a question. I nicely stated, "Yes, as soon as possible. That would be nice." Then doctors came streaming into the room, checking for the progress. But the anesticiologist did not come until 10:00 am. No problem, it was nice to see him who explained everything and I quickly signed the paper. At 10:15 am, the epidural was kicking in and my water broke, which meant even more frequent and stronger contractions. I thanked God for the impeccable timing.
Perhaps the most important fact to me at that time was whether my OB would be free to deliver my daughter. He is truly a doctor with the patient's health and happiness in mind. He delivered Ethan with medical expertise that only the most confident and experienced could have persisted with a vainal delivery rather than an emergency c-section. The attending doctor called Dr. Yeh, and came to tell me that the secretaries were screaming with excitement, that Dr. Yeh would walk over to deliver the baby. (Yup, I lobbied pretty hard the two weeks before to have his office ready for my big day.) So, that dream came true and JK and I were both at ease about the birth. I saw his fatherly smile at about 12:30 pm, and Artimus made her way to the world at 1:01 pm, after only a few pushes! I got to see her little fingers wrapped around mine, and got to look at her beautiful lively features moments after she was delivered. At once, we bonded. How can we not? She same early, at the perfect size of 6 lbs 15 onces, and she came fast! She is already my angel who rescued my confidence in motherhood. As I look into her eyes and hold her hands each fleeting moment, I wanted no more than just be a mom.
JW
P.S. The lack of sleep makes the writing a bit scattered and full of spelling and grammar mistakes.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
That Special Day is Near
I am finally home to wait for the signs of labor. It is snowy with icy rain all day so an angel must have watched over us since I only decided on Sunday that yesterday would be my last day of work. This little being has successfully kept me waking up at night every hour or so running to the bathroom. You can imagine how I look in the morning . . . so I decided to work no more.
Today, I cooked and cleaned. And I packed my hospital bag, this time with some snacks for JK and for me to recharge after the long labor. Tomorrow will be more cleaning and packing to move to our new home. This will be my exercise until she decides it's time. Baby rules! I learned that when Ethan came into the world. They are small but their power unimaginable.
Hope everyone is safe and staying warm during this unexpected snow storm.
JW
I am finally home to wait for the signs of labor. It is snowy with icy rain all day so an angel must have watched over us since I only decided on Sunday that yesterday would be my last day of work. This little being has successfully kept me waking up at night every hour or so running to the bathroom. You can imagine how I look in the morning . . . so I decided to work no more.
Today, I cooked and cleaned. And I packed my hospital bag, this time with some snacks for JK and for me to recharge after the long labor. Tomorrow will be more cleaning and packing to move to our new home. This will be my exercise until she decides it's time. Baby rules! I learned that when Ethan came into the world. They are small but their power unimaginable.
Hope everyone is safe and staying warm during this unexpected snow storm.
JW
Friday, February 09, 2007
"Your are a Proud Owner of Joane's Jewelry!"
Many girlfriends know that I have been making earrings and giving them out as gifts on special occasions. It's a very relaxing hobby for me because it takes me away from the worries of life and put me in the world of creativity. Then I get a second round of satisfaction when I see the joy I can bring to a friend who could feel a moment of beauty and happiness upon seeing the earrings. Well, my prolific production kinda helped my sister-in-law (and my sister and mom) build a collection of my earrings. She must have won them all the time because her colleagues finally subcumbed to asking her to ask me how much it costs to make them a pair. Well, it's expensive, I told my sister-in-law, 'cause I like to use quality materials like fresh water pearls, nice gems, and sterling silvers. I had been asked to make earrings before and when I say I wanted $60.00 and above, depending on the piece, that had stopped the inquiry. This time, her colleague persisted and expressed specifically what she wanted. I was flattered. So I designed one, with lots of different color fresh water pearls and gems that fit her taste and her features. At $65, I basically did not charge her labor. Well, now I am commissioned by another of her co-worker to make another pair of earrings. I was delighted that people liked my work, but will I work at a discount again, or is it time to evaluate the cost of my labor and factor that into the price? Or is this too early to view it as a potential income stream? That thought lingered until the receptionist at my OBGYN boldly asked me today if I could make her another pair of earrings, which she would like to pay for. I only made simple gem earrings for her and the physician assistant to thank them for their patience, professionalism and kindness during my first pregnancy and as a little gift last Christmas. I remember they were so happy and I always see them wear my earrings whenever I go for an appointment, which was not that frequent until recently. So do I have a market?
JK was very supportive of my creativity in making nice earrings since the beginning. He always gave good criticisms . . . simple criticisms like that doesn't look so special or that's a unique design. He never said the stones were too costly for a hobby. Rather, he always encouraged me to get the best quality stones and pearls to make good quality earrings. That's the good thing about our union, we reenforce our belief in doing the best and giving only quality work. So when I told him people wanted to pay for the earrings, he said I should start thinking about branding my work so people know they are "the proud owner of Joane's jewelry." He designed a symbol and asked me if I wanted to use it. Naaa, I said. I'll design my own. He kept trying to persuade me, "Are you sure? This meant eternity . . ." Naaa, I said. I am my own artist. Ha Ha Ha.
So this is on my mind. With a big mortgage and Ethan going to daycare in September, I was going to stop making earrings because we can no longer afford those quality gems and pearls. But with a market of followers who are willing to pay, may be I can keep going with more complex designs and more quality gems and pearls, even if I don't charge labor and just charge the cost of material. Mmmm.
JW
Many girlfriends know that I have been making earrings and giving them out as gifts on special occasions. It's a very relaxing hobby for me because it takes me away from the worries of life and put me in the world of creativity. Then I get a second round of satisfaction when I see the joy I can bring to a friend who could feel a moment of beauty and happiness upon seeing the earrings. Well, my prolific production kinda helped my sister-in-law (and my sister and mom) build a collection of my earrings. She must have won them all the time because her colleagues finally subcumbed to asking her to ask me how much it costs to make them a pair. Well, it's expensive, I told my sister-in-law, 'cause I like to use quality materials like fresh water pearls, nice gems, and sterling silvers. I had been asked to make earrings before and when I say I wanted $60.00 and above, depending on the piece, that had stopped the inquiry. This time, her colleague persisted and expressed specifically what she wanted. I was flattered. So I designed one, with lots of different color fresh water pearls and gems that fit her taste and her features. At $65, I basically did not charge her labor. Well, now I am commissioned by another of her co-worker to make another pair of earrings. I was delighted that people liked my work, but will I work at a discount again, or is it time to evaluate the cost of my labor and factor that into the price? Or is this too early to view it as a potential income stream? That thought lingered until the receptionist at my OBGYN boldly asked me today if I could make her another pair of earrings, which she would like to pay for. I only made simple gem earrings for her and the physician assistant to thank them for their patience, professionalism and kindness during my first pregnancy and as a little gift last Christmas. I remember they were so happy and I always see them wear my earrings whenever I go for an appointment, which was not that frequent until recently. So do I have a market?
JK was very supportive of my creativity in making nice earrings since the beginning. He always gave good criticisms . . . simple criticisms like that doesn't look so special or that's a unique design. He never said the stones were too costly for a hobby. Rather, he always encouraged me to get the best quality stones and pearls to make good quality earrings. That's the good thing about our union, we reenforce our belief in doing the best and giving only quality work. So when I told him people wanted to pay for the earrings, he said I should start thinking about branding my work so people know they are "the proud owner of Joane's jewelry." He designed a symbol and asked me if I wanted to use it. Naaa, I said. I'll design my own. He kept trying to persuade me, "Are you sure? This meant eternity . . ." Naaa, I said. I am my own artist. Ha Ha Ha.
So this is on my mind. With a big mortgage and Ethan going to daycare in September, I was going to stop making earrings because we can no longer afford those quality gems and pearls. But with a market of followers who are willing to pay, may be I can keep going with more complex designs and more quality gems and pearls, even if I don't charge labor and just charge the cost of material. Mmmm.
JW
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Bad Parents?
JK and I never thought we'll ever be perceived as parents with a terrifying child. I don't blame friends who feel this way. I guess if my child's pretty cheek is marked with two pink-red teeth marks for a couple of days, I would be upset too. Ethan is having a hard time controlling his affections and frustrations. The first episode occurred last November, when he was about 14 months. My colleague's two and a half year old son W and his four-month old brother H came to visit us. W has the cutest cheeks. Ethan was so happy to meet W that he insisted on hugging W. W at first refused such overly zealous affection, but gave in after about an hour, at which time they loudly laughed together while hugging. Then out of the blue Ethan gave W's cheek a big bite. W's laughs turned into crying with big tear drops. JK and I were stunned and apologized profusely while telling Ethan that it was wrong to bite people. Ethan had this look like he didn't know what was going on except that no one liked what he did.
From then on, JK and I alerted all those who take care of Ethan that Ethan has a biting problem and that we should all try to stop biting him if that was done, and that if Ethan bites then we should tell Ethan to stop because it's wrong. From that time on, I realized some people were "biting" his cheeks, arms and legs. They were also letting Ethan bite them without protest . . . but then would complain to me that Ethan was biting them hard. It appears to me that Ethan was getting mixed messages about how to express himself. Those who love him dearly are "biting" him, so why can't he do the same to those he likes? Ethan used to bite me hard when he sees me or when he can't get my attention. I stopped him immediately and sent a clear message that he cannot bite. These days, it appears that he only bites when he is frustrated.
So last Saturday, at a play date, he took a bite at A's round cheeks when I had taken my eyes off of him to talk to A's mother. A is a two year old and he is really a sweetheart with the most tender and non-aggressive demeanor. However, all children at that age engage in parallel play. So A and Ethan probably wanted the same toy and Ethan probably got frustrated when he couldn't get the toy from A. JK reported seeing the biting when it was happening and he was frozen and terrified by the sight of it . . . our sweetheart's teeth were on another little boy!!!!! That was too animalistic . . . too unreal! Thereafter, we were both caught in embarrassment and shame. I held back from the desire to hit Ethan - just on the face so he could remember how upset I was. JK later told me that he had the same urging. (We don't believe in corporal punishment. I do smack his bottom when he refuses to leave the kitchen when I try to cook. Ethan knows that meant I was really upset that he was playing in the kitchen. Other than his bottom, I don't hit. I don't believe that Ethan would learn anything from being hit by an adult.) Instead, I held him tightly and in a stern voice, told him how bad he was for biting A. I told him he would not be playing anymore. Ethan had this "I did something wrong" look on his face and sat quietly in my arms. A's parents were busy in the bathroom cleaning and checking A. Feeling horrible couldn't begin to describe the moment. What should we do to stop this from ever happening again?
We decided to tell all his caregivers again the problem we have with his biting other kids. So we did, and I asked everyone to tell Ethan at the moment the biting occurs that it is wrong. To add to the urgency, I said the little one to come would be in grave danger if Ethan doesn't know that biting is wrong.
I have mix feelings about the effectiveness of changing the behavior of those who take care of Ethan. Is this a natural consequence of not being able to stay home to teach Ethan, and have to rely on someone else? Which really meant some lost of control over how my child would be raised? Or is this to be expected from some children? In any case, I know that teaching the right behavior must start now. At the same time, I can't wait to put him in day care when he turns two in September. May be a different social environment would help.
JW
JK and I never thought we'll ever be perceived as parents with a terrifying child. I don't blame friends who feel this way. I guess if my child's pretty cheek is marked with two pink-red teeth marks for a couple of days, I would be upset too. Ethan is having a hard time controlling his affections and frustrations. The first episode occurred last November, when he was about 14 months. My colleague's two and a half year old son W and his four-month old brother H came to visit us. W has the cutest cheeks. Ethan was so happy to meet W that he insisted on hugging W. W at first refused such overly zealous affection, but gave in after about an hour, at which time they loudly laughed together while hugging. Then out of the blue Ethan gave W's cheek a big bite. W's laughs turned into crying with big tear drops. JK and I were stunned and apologized profusely while telling Ethan that it was wrong to bite people. Ethan had this look like he didn't know what was going on except that no one liked what he did.
From then on, JK and I alerted all those who take care of Ethan that Ethan has a biting problem and that we should all try to stop biting him if that was done, and that if Ethan bites then we should tell Ethan to stop because it's wrong. From that time on, I realized some people were "biting" his cheeks, arms and legs. They were also letting Ethan bite them without protest . . . but then would complain to me that Ethan was biting them hard. It appears to me that Ethan was getting mixed messages about how to express himself. Those who love him dearly are "biting" him, so why can't he do the same to those he likes? Ethan used to bite me hard when he sees me or when he can't get my attention. I stopped him immediately and sent a clear message that he cannot bite. These days, it appears that he only bites when he is frustrated.
So last Saturday, at a play date, he took a bite at A's round cheeks when I had taken my eyes off of him to talk to A's mother. A is a two year old and he is really a sweetheart with the most tender and non-aggressive demeanor. However, all children at that age engage in parallel play. So A and Ethan probably wanted the same toy and Ethan probably got frustrated when he couldn't get the toy from A. JK reported seeing the biting when it was happening and he was frozen and terrified by the sight of it . . . our sweetheart's teeth were on another little boy!!!!! That was too animalistic . . . too unreal! Thereafter, we were both caught in embarrassment and shame. I held back from the desire to hit Ethan - just on the face so he could remember how upset I was. JK later told me that he had the same urging. (We don't believe in corporal punishment. I do smack his bottom when he refuses to leave the kitchen when I try to cook. Ethan knows that meant I was really upset that he was playing in the kitchen. Other than his bottom, I don't hit. I don't believe that Ethan would learn anything from being hit by an adult.) Instead, I held him tightly and in a stern voice, told him how bad he was for biting A. I told him he would not be playing anymore. Ethan had this "I did something wrong" look on his face and sat quietly in my arms. A's parents were busy in the bathroom cleaning and checking A. Feeling horrible couldn't begin to describe the moment. What should we do to stop this from ever happening again?
We decided to tell all his caregivers again the problem we have with his biting other kids. So we did, and I asked everyone to tell Ethan at the moment the biting occurs that it is wrong. To add to the urgency, I said the little one to come would be in grave danger if Ethan doesn't know that biting is wrong.
I have mix feelings about the effectiveness of changing the behavior of those who take care of Ethan. Is this a natural consequence of not being able to stay home to teach Ethan, and have to rely on someone else? Which really meant some lost of control over how my child would be raised? Or is this to be expected from some children? In any case, I know that teaching the right behavior must start now. At the same time, I can't wait to put him in day care when he turns two in September. May be a different social environment would help.
JW
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Happy Marriage
I am told that no couples are truly compatible. I cannot agree more. JK is the most lovable guy . . . until the socks, shirts, shoes . . . you name it . . . appears in the middle of the foyer or on his way to the sofa from the door. I think it's a common complaint from women about men, not all men but enough. So JK is typical. Why can't he change? I asked him many times. One time he said something to the extent that I would miss it if I didn't have to pick up after him. Then he giggled and gave me a big hug. What is this? Charm me into being a typical wife from the 50's? Anyway. Thank God Ethan appears to be picking up after himself, and the next addition is a girl. I guess if this is the biggest complaint I have of JK, it's not so bad. With the help of a friend, I figured out a solution to the problem. It is the put-them-all-in-the-box solution with the caveat of a sign that says "To be discarded as garbage every Friday." Can't wait to watch his reaction. Hee Hee!
This is the article my friend Audrey emailed me today about happy marriages: http://aolsvc.health.webmd.aol.com/content/article/97/103988.htm
JW
I am told that no couples are truly compatible. I cannot agree more. JK is the most lovable guy . . . until the socks, shirts, shoes . . . you name it . . . appears in the middle of the foyer or on his way to the sofa from the door. I think it's a common complaint from women about men, not all men but enough. So JK is typical. Why can't he change? I asked him many times. One time he said something to the extent that I would miss it if I didn't have to pick up after him. Then he giggled and gave me a big hug. What is this? Charm me into being a typical wife from the 50's? Anyway. Thank God Ethan appears to be picking up after himself, and the next addition is a girl. I guess if this is the biggest complaint I have of JK, it's not so bad. With the help of a friend, I figured out a solution to the problem. It is the put-them-all-in-the-box solution with the caveat of a sign that says "To be discarded as garbage every Friday." Can't wait to watch his reaction. Hee Hee!
This is the article my friend Audrey emailed me today about happy marriages: http://aolsvc.health.webmd.aol.com/content/article/97/103988.htm
JW
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
She is BIG!
Yesterday was an exciting yet depressing day. JK went with me to see my OBGYN because we could get a glimpse of her during the ultrasound, where her development was once again checked and her weight estimated. The technician even gave us a 3D picture of her face, which was nice because we could see how she looks even when she was in the womb. She is chubby with a button nose, just like daddy as I was told by JK. She is healthy . . . and 5 lbs 15 ozs!!!!!! By size, she is 36 weeks. By gestational age, she is only 34 weeks. So good for her, sad for me as I will certainly have to push for more than 2 hours this time around. She is growing at 1 oz a day at this stage of her life. So by 38 weeks, she will be more than 8 lbs. All these brought back memories of a difficult and painful recovery. Then, of course, I was, as well as everyone around me were, very happy to see a healthy and vibrant baby. But like the experience of all mothers, mothers are often forgotten as soon as the baby is born. Having babies is thought to be such a "natural" thing that women are expected to bounce back to normal health and spirit very quickly after the baby is born. This is true for some women, but not for some. I am not one of those lucky ones as my babies tend to be big and I am just not so physically fit.
As a mother, I am grateful that she is healthy and I can't wait to hold her in my arms and kiss her tender skin. I just hope I'll be healthy enough to bond with her and to take good care of her.
JW
Yesterday was an exciting yet depressing day. JK went with me to see my OBGYN because we could get a glimpse of her during the ultrasound, where her development was once again checked and her weight estimated. The technician even gave us a 3D picture of her face, which was nice because we could see how she looks even when she was in the womb. She is chubby with a button nose, just like daddy as I was told by JK. She is healthy . . . and 5 lbs 15 ozs!!!!!! By size, she is 36 weeks. By gestational age, she is only 34 weeks. So good for her, sad for me as I will certainly have to push for more than 2 hours this time around. She is growing at 1 oz a day at this stage of her life. So by 38 weeks, she will be more than 8 lbs. All these brought back memories of a difficult and painful recovery. Then, of course, I was, as well as everyone around me were, very happy to see a healthy and vibrant baby. But like the experience of all mothers, mothers are often forgotten as soon as the baby is born. Having babies is thought to be such a "natural" thing that women are expected to bounce back to normal health and spirit very quickly after the baby is born. This is true for some women, but not for some. I am not one of those lucky ones as my babies tend to be big and I am just not so physically fit.
As a mother, I am grateful that she is healthy and I can't wait to hold her in my arms and kiss her tender skin. I just hope I'll be healthy enough to bond with her and to take good care of her.
JW
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Gender Discrimination Still Quite Strong
People generally take men more seriously than women. Why?
In shopping for a new car two years ago, I went into the dealership knowing pretty much what I wanted. JK didn't quite know. But as it turned out, the conversation happened between JK and the sales agent. I barely got a word in. JK asked good questions, many of which I could have answered because I did the research. The sales agent was patient with JK. I never felt any sales agent is patient with me, and I can bet a lot of money that if I had asked the type of questions that JK asked, I would be treated as being annoying or plain too ignorant. Nonetheless, because the questions came out of a man who was eloquent, decent looking and serious, he was a serious customer.
Then when we started searching for an apartment in Manhattan a year ago, even though I was the one who set up the appointment etc, as soon as the agent meets us, the conversations were never with me. I was just the woman who tagged along. Granted, JK does tend to ask a lot of questions. The only time when I was really talked to was when one of the real estate agent was a woman, and she saw that my concerns were the deciding factors on whether we will make an offer on an apartment. So agents could talk to JK till the sun comes down, the deal won't happen without my concerns being addressed. So once that was taken into consideration, this female agent got us our current apartment. Interestingly, she and her son who work as partners had for prejudicial reasons thought that we live in a one-income family because I am pregnant. They only found out that I actually have a job when they asked for our attorney's contact information, and I gave her my contact information. They were in shock, though they try to hide it. I know I don't try to dress like a lawyer. Why should I? In any event, I think even if I dressed in suits everytime we go view an apartment, I would still have been on the sideline with the conversations mainly between JK and the agent.
This happened again as we were trying to lock down a general contractor to renovate the apartment. I always go into a meeting with a good idea of what I want and with an open mind on whatever suggestions the contractor may have. JK, on the other hand, has a lot of questions and figures out what he wants in the process. So you can imagine what happens. I was standing there, and they engaged in a conversation of what will be renovated and the approximate cost. I tried to get a few words in, correcting JK on what we really wanted etc. After the meeting, I would have a serious conversation with JK about what I wanted to ensure that he knows what to discuss with contractors when we interview them. When we finally locked in a contractor, the contract was between JK and the GC. Hey, no problem. I just felt I have no voice in conversations that matter. JK went through the contract paragraph by paragraph, requesting changes to the language in warranties, etc. According to the GC, none of his customers ever read the second page with all the terms, let along requesting the language be changed. That's the good thing about JK -- he sends the message that he cannot be fooled in an indirect way. What was interesting was JK got so involved in the discussion with the GC that he actually thinks he knows more about contract law than me, and overruled me on a pure contract law question in front of the GC. I didn't want to reveal that I am a lawyer because I don't like how people react when they realize they were talking to a lawyer so I kept quiet. It didn't matter anyway because JK was going to get the contract language changed with or without my help. So I guess it's okay as long as I am with JK. Imagine if I have to go it alone as a woman? I would have been dismissed early on for being too troublesome with questions, or thought not to have enough money rather than trying to get a good deal. It's so unfair that men (and some women too) still can't take women seriously today, when there are so many professional women with money ready and able to buy big ticket items, particularly in New York City.
The search for a new home has made it absolutely clear to me that because I am a woman, it doesn't matter how much money I have, I will still have to work extra hard to get serviced and tolerate being treated as less worthy of the service provider's time.
JW
People generally take men more seriously than women. Why?
In shopping for a new car two years ago, I went into the dealership knowing pretty much what I wanted. JK didn't quite know. But as it turned out, the conversation happened between JK and the sales agent. I barely got a word in. JK asked good questions, many of which I could have answered because I did the research. The sales agent was patient with JK. I never felt any sales agent is patient with me, and I can bet a lot of money that if I had asked the type of questions that JK asked, I would be treated as being annoying or plain too ignorant. Nonetheless, because the questions came out of a man who was eloquent, decent looking and serious, he was a serious customer.
Then when we started searching for an apartment in Manhattan a year ago, even though I was the one who set up the appointment etc, as soon as the agent meets us, the conversations were never with me. I was just the woman who tagged along. Granted, JK does tend to ask a lot of questions. The only time when I was really talked to was when one of the real estate agent was a woman, and she saw that my concerns were the deciding factors on whether we will make an offer on an apartment. So agents could talk to JK till the sun comes down, the deal won't happen without my concerns being addressed. So once that was taken into consideration, this female agent got us our current apartment. Interestingly, she and her son who work as partners had for prejudicial reasons thought that we live in a one-income family because I am pregnant. They only found out that I actually have a job when they asked for our attorney's contact information, and I gave her my contact information. They were in shock, though they try to hide it. I know I don't try to dress like a lawyer. Why should I? In any event, I think even if I dressed in suits everytime we go view an apartment, I would still have been on the sideline with the conversations mainly between JK and the agent.
This happened again as we were trying to lock down a general contractor to renovate the apartment. I always go into a meeting with a good idea of what I want and with an open mind on whatever suggestions the contractor may have. JK, on the other hand, has a lot of questions and figures out what he wants in the process. So you can imagine what happens. I was standing there, and they engaged in a conversation of what will be renovated and the approximate cost. I tried to get a few words in, correcting JK on what we really wanted etc. After the meeting, I would have a serious conversation with JK about what I wanted to ensure that he knows what to discuss with contractors when we interview them. When we finally locked in a contractor, the contract was between JK and the GC. Hey, no problem. I just felt I have no voice in conversations that matter. JK went through the contract paragraph by paragraph, requesting changes to the language in warranties, etc. According to the GC, none of his customers ever read the second page with all the terms, let along requesting the language be changed. That's the good thing about JK -- he sends the message that he cannot be fooled in an indirect way. What was interesting was JK got so involved in the discussion with the GC that he actually thinks he knows more about contract law than me, and overruled me on a pure contract law question in front of the GC. I didn't want to reveal that I am a lawyer because I don't like how people react when they realize they were talking to a lawyer so I kept quiet. It didn't matter anyway because JK was going to get the contract language changed with or without my help. So I guess it's okay as long as I am with JK. Imagine if I have to go it alone as a woman? I would have been dismissed early on for being too troublesome with questions, or thought not to have enough money rather than trying to get a good deal. It's so unfair that men (and some women too) still can't take women seriously today, when there are so many professional women with money ready and able to buy big ticket items, particularly in New York City.
The search for a new home has made it absolutely clear to me that because I am a woman, it doesn't matter how much money I have, I will still have to work extra hard to get serviced and tolerate being treated as less worthy of the service provider's time.
JW
Friday, January 12, 2007
She Could Kick
The little one in me is growing strong despite my incessant and most of the time violent coughs. She kicks on my sides mostly, left and right. This makes me think she is stretched horizontally across my belly. It's a tingling feeling and it's reassuring that she is okay despite my ill health. But sometimes I do wonder if it's because she is struggling for help . . . in a distressed state. My OBGYN told me to take antibiotics and cough suppressants . . . but I am not suppose to take these stuff while I am pregnant! He reassured me that it's safe and that I have to stop coughing so hard. So I listened grudgingly and he was right, I improved immediately in two days. Now I cough only briefly and am feeling much better. She still kicks as hard and as frequently so I guess she is fine. When I was pregnant with Ethan, I remember counting his hick-ups at about 4:00 p.m. every afternoon. One time he had continuous hick-ups for fifteen minutes and I lost count. This little one just kicks and pokes. I wonder how she is like when we finally get to meet her. Her estimated time of arrival is March 5th.
And . . . as a side note, the He family has a Manhattan address as of yesterday. :-)
JW
The little one in me is growing strong despite my incessant and most of the time violent coughs. She kicks on my sides mostly, left and right. This makes me think she is stretched horizontally across my belly. It's a tingling feeling and it's reassuring that she is okay despite my ill health. But sometimes I do wonder if it's because she is struggling for help . . . in a distressed state. My OBGYN told me to take antibiotics and cough suppressants . . . but I am not suppose to take these stuff while I am pregnant! He reassured me that it's safe and that I have to stop coughing so hard. So I listened grudgingly and he was right, I improved immediately in two days. Now I cough only briefly and am feeling much better. She still kicks as hard and as frequently so I guess she is fine. When I was pregnant with Ethan, I remember counting his hick-ups at about 4:00 p.m. every afternoon. One time he had continuous hick-ups for fifteen minutes and I lost count. This little one just kicks and pokes. I wonder how she is like when we finally get to meet her. Her estimated time of arrival is March 5th.
And . . . as a side note, the He family has a Manhattan address as of yesterday. :-)
JW
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
"Da Da", "Pa Pa", and very rarely "Ma Ma"
It must be something about the tongue or the laziness of the brain. Ethan says Da Da about almost everything, and recently, he said very accurately "Pa Pa" to JK when he sees JK go pick him up from work. Me? He rarely utters a word but just glances at me, happily with a smile. At times, he would jump with his arms up in the air in wild cheers saying, "Da Da Da Da Da Da". Rarely, or may be I should say, not yet, had he said "Ma Ma" when I go pick him up at grandma's. Interestingly, as I recently noticed, when he is in the doctor's office and Daddy is stripping him down to his diaper, he desperately searches for me with open arms and teary eyes loudly saying, and crying, "Ma Ma, Ma Ma, Ma Ma". So he knows who I am and what he should call me. But it appears that only at desperate times is his brain triggered to utter those wonderful sounds that no doubt put a smile on my face. When will this willful kid call me "Ma Ma", which I rightfully deserved to be addressed?
JW
It must be something about the tongue or the laziness of the brain. Ethan says Da Da about almost everything, and recently, he said very accurately "Pa Pa" to JK when he sees JK go pick him up from work. Me? He rarely utters a word but just glances at me, happily with a smile. At times, he would jump with his arms up in the air in wild cheers saying, "Da Da Da Da Da Da". Rarely, or may be I should say, not yet, had he said "Ma Ma" when I go pick him up at grandma's. Interestingly, as I recently noticed, when he is in the doctor's office and Daddy is stripping him down to his diaper, he desperately searches for me with open arms and teary eyes loudly saying, and crying, "Ma Ma, Ma Ma, Ma Ma". So he knows who I am and what he should call me. But it appears that only at desperate times is his brain triggered to utter those wonderful sounds that no doubt put a smile on my face. When will this willful kid call me "Ma Ma", which I rightfully deserved to be addressed?
JW
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Sick Again
I have not been so sick so frequently ever before. But since September or so, I have been sick with only may be a week or two in between when I was not sick. It appears that Daddy was almost always the first in the family to get sick. Then Ethan would catch it. Then I would catch it from being overwhelmed with two sick people. I am tired of being sick and not feeling one hundred percent. On top of that, I have to take care of Ethan and still try to do what a normal mother/wife/woman would do - cook and clean up the messy home. Well, I just don't feel up to it when I am coughing up a storm and have no energy to get up from the sofa. The problem is, the sight of a mess and food getting spoiled makes me feel even more sick and annoyed. Since I have been sick so often, I forgot how a clean home is suppose to look. I am just so upset with the home getting messy and I am the only one who appears to notice any of it that I just don't see the point of cleaning -- it will be messy again after I clean in a matter of a few hours or sometimes a few minutes. I have two messy babies at home and mommy is just tired. My pregnancy is also making me feel loose all over, especially the hip bones and muscles so getting up meant pain and walking meant heavyness all over. So that's my complaint.
Today is the day the family has health insurance coverage again. Ethan is definitely infected with whatever I got from JK. He coughs loudly and has had a fever of over 101 for the past two days. I have no doubt that he has a strep throat. It's now a few minutes before 4:00 a.m. and I hear him crying again. I know his throat is in pain and he can't cough out his flem because he doesn't know how to. Poor thing. Unfortunately, today is Sunday so he will have to wait another day before we can take him to his pediatrician first thing Monday morning.
As for me, I need antibiotics NOW. My coughs are so violent I could feel the little one in me squeezed and bounced all over whenever the coughing episodes hit. From the google search, this should not harm the baby. I hope so. I am two months from my due date and I really can't afford to be sick anymore. In fact, I should be getting stronger and more fit each day in preparation for that very exhausting and painful day of labor. How I can make sure I don't get sick again? I don't know anymore. I thought I was on the right track until this strep throat infection came along last week. Is it just me, JK and Ethan who appear to be sick all the time this Fall and Winter? Or is this the experience of most people? Oh, God help us!
JW
I have not been so sick so frequently ever before. But since September or so, I have been sick with only may be a week or two in between when I was not sick. It appears that Daddy was almost always the first in the family to get sick. Then Ethan would catch it. Then I would catch it from being overwhelmed with two sick people. I am tired of being sick and not feeling one hundred percent. On top of that, I have to take care of Ethan and still try to do what a normal mother/wife/woman would do - cook and clean up the messy home. Well, I just don't feel up to it when I am coughing up a storm and have no energy to get up from the sofa. The problem is, the sight of a mess and food getting spoiled makes me feel even more sick and annoyed. Since I have been sick so often, I forgot how a clean home is suppose to look. I am just so upset with the home getting messy and I am the only one who appears to notice any of it that I just don't see the point of cleaning -- it will be messy again after I clean in a matter of a few hours or sometimes a few minutes. I have two messy babies at home and mommy is just tired. My pregnancy is also making me feel loose all over, especially the hip bones and muscles so getting up meant pain and walking meant heavyness all over. So that's my complaint.
Today is the day the family has health insurance coverage again. Ethan is definitely infected with whatever I got from JK. He coughs loudly and has had a fever of over 101 for the past two days. I have no doubt that he has a strep throat. It's now a few minutes before 4:00 a.m. and I hear him crying again. I know his throat is in pain and he can't cough out his flem because he doesn't know how to. Poor thing. Unfortunately, today is Sunday so he will have to wait another day before we can take him to his pediatrician first thing Monday morning.
As for me, I need antibiotics NOW. My coughs are so violent I could feel the little one in me squeezed and bounced all over whenever the coughing episodes hit. From the google search, this should not harm the baby. I hope so. I am two months from my due date and I really can't afford to be sick anymore. In fact, I should be getting stronger and more fit each day in preparation for that very exhausting and painful day of labor. How I can make sure I don't get sick again? I don't know anymore. I thought I was on the right track until this strep throat infection came along last week. Is it just me, JK and Ethan who appear to be sick all the time this Fall and Winter? Or is this the experience of most people? Oh, God help us!
JW
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Ultimate Nightmare of the Poor
In my younger days, like before starting my first job at the NLRB, I never thought about not having health insurance. But after six and a half years with full coverage, being pregnant right now, and with a 15 month toddler, not having health insurance coverage does keep me awake at night. I don't know how the working poor manage those fears. I am certainly not very good at it. My very calm husband just tells me, "Stop stressing over it, it's just going to be a week." Yes, it's just going to be a week. From January 1st to January 7th, we have no coverage because we changed from his plan to the government plan. Unfortunately, the government's fiscal pay period doesn't start until 1/7/07 so all must work around it, including when health coverage commences. I kicked and screamed over the phone for a day and realized that I can't convince the government to make this one exception for me and my family.
The unthinkable happened on December 27th. JK got a minor strep throat. Since we still had coverage then, he got some antibiotics. I cautioned him to stay away from me and Ethan. Well, TAKE A BIG GUESS, he did not. He casually kissed me on the lips several times on December 31st because it was almost midnight and I was dead tired and didn't pay much mind to his strep throat. So on the first day of no coverage, I was coughing up a storm. Great, just GREAT! I am trying to stay away from Ethan but he loves to hug me, grab my hands and thrust me his cheeks so I can kiss him. Oh, it is all so sweet but the last thing I want to do is to get him sick, especially now. We have so much expenses coming up with the big move to Manhattan. I just don't want to shell out several hundred dollars or may be even over a thousand dollars just to visit the doctor. I hope to fight this strep throat until next Tuesday, when I am scheduled to see my OBGYN. Meanwhile, I hope God protects Ethan from mommy and daddy. We just have to endure five more days.
JW
In my younger days, like before starting my first job at the NLRB, I never thought about not having health insurance. But after six and a half years with full coverage, being pregnant right now, and with a 15 month toddler, not having health insurance coverage does keep me awake at night. I don't know how the working poor manage those fears. I am certainly not very good at it. My very calm husband just tells me, "Stop stressing over it, it's just going to be a week." Yes, it's just going to be a week. From January 1st to January 7th, we have no coverage because we changed from his plan to the government plan. Unfortunately, the government's fiscal pay period doesn't start until 1/7/07 so all must work around it, including when health coverage commences. I kicked and screamed over the phone for a day and realized that I can't convince the government to make this one exception for me and my family.
The unthinkable happened on December 27th. JK got a minor strep throat. Since we still had coverage then, he got some antibiotics. I cautioned him to stay away from me and Ethan. Well, TAKE A BIG GUESS, he did not. He casually kissed me on the lips several times on December 31st because it was almost midnight and I was dead tired and didn't pay much mind to his strep throat. So on the first day of no coverage, I was coughing up a storm. Great, just GREAT! I am trying to stay away from Ethan but he loves to hug me, grab my hands and thrust me his cheeks so I can kiss him. Oh, it is all so sweet but the last thing I want to do is to get him sick, especially now. We have so much expenses coming up with the big move to Manhattan. I just don't want to shell out several hundred dollars or may be even over a thousand dollars just to visit the doctor. I hope to fight this strep throat until next Tuesday, when I am scheduled to see my OBGYN. Meanwhile, I hope God protects Ethan from mommy and daddy. We just have to endure five more days.
JW
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
This Christmas . . .
This Christmas, like last, didn't feel like Christmas to me. There was no smell of the fresh scent of pine from a real Christmas tree and there was no opportunity to relive the many memories of Christmas time when I put up the unique and symbolic ornaments from so many special friends. You see, every X-mas, before the little feet arrived into our lives, I have a New Years Eve party for my side of friends. The only thing my friends bring to the party is an ornament that is special to them or is representative of something about them so I can always remember who I got it from whenever I bring the ornaments out to put them on the tree. So there is a nice collection now and it's truly a joy to put up ornaments.
Last year, Ethan was about three months when X-mas came and I was too occupied with the new parent experience to organize something. Then this X-mas, we are busy planning on closing two apartments, renovating the one we are moving into, and preparing for this new addition to the family. We just have too much on our minds to have the spirit or the energy to make sure everyone will have a good time. Besides, getting invited to parties was so much easier and we had enough invites to keep us busy every night this past X-mas weekend. With that said, I still miss those moments of X-mas when I look up at the tree and feel so happy because I had so many special friends who really put thoughts into being a part of my life and memories.
I vow that in 2007, we will have a X-mas and New Years Eve party with friends to rekindle the good times . . . and add more ornaments to the tree. I say "we" because my life has changed for the better since marriage. We have built a little family and we have shared so many good times around the holidays that it won't feel the same ever again if we are not together under the Xmas tree or making our New Years resolutions. I am also excited to share the spirit and joy of X-mas with the little ones because it would be their first X-mas tree. I think Ethan will be thrilled to "carry" the tree home with his Daddy and discover gifts underneath them on X-mas day. I believe it is true that at the end of our lives, it'll be memories that count . . . and every missed opportunity to create memories of good times is a missed opportunity to add happiness to our lives.
Wishing you a Merry Xmas and Happy Holiday!
JW
This Christmas, like last, didn't feel like Christmas to me. There was no smell of the fresh scent of pine from a real Christmas tree and there was no opportunity to relive the many memories of Christmas time when I put up the unique and symbolic ornaments from so many special friends. You see, every X-mas, before the little feet arrived into our lives, I have a New Years Eve party for my side of friends. The only thing my friends bring to the party is an ornament that is special to them or is representative of something about them so I can always remember who I got it from whenever I bring the ornaments out to put them on the tree. So there is a nice collection now and it's truly a joy to put up ornaments.
Last year, Ethan was about three months when X-mas came and I was too occupied with the new parent experience to organize something. Then this X-mas, we are busy planning on closing two apartments, renovating the one we are moving into, and preparing for this new addition to the family. We just have too much on our minds to have the spirit or the energy to make sure everyone will have a good time. Besides, getting invited to parties was so much easier and we had enough invites to keep us busy every night this past X-mas weekend. With that said, I still miss those moments of X-mas when I look up at the tree and feel so happy because I had so many special friends who really put thoughts into being a part of my life and memories.
I vow that in 2007, we will have a X-mas and New Years Eve party with friends to rekindle the good times . . . and add more ornaments to the tree. I say "we" because my life has changed for the better since marriage. We have built a little family and we have shared so many good times around the holidays that it won't feel the same ever again if we are not together under the Xmas tree or making our New Years resolutions. I am also excited to share the spirit and joy of X-mas with the little ones because it would be their first X-mas tree. I think Ethan will be thrilled to "carry" the tree home with his Daddy and discover gifts underneath them on X-mas day. I believe it is true that at the end of our lives, it'll be memories that count . . . and every missed opportunity to create memories of good times is a missed opportunity to add happiness to our lives.
Wishing you a Merry Xmas and Happy Holiday!
JW
Monday, December 18, 2006
The Family's First Wee Hour Rush to the Emergency Room
It's hard to feel like a good parent when one virus is followed by another with just one week's breathing room in between. Last thursday morning, Ethan was more fuzzy in the middle of the night than the few nights before, crying louder in the night and more frequently. We just thought he was acting up. Finally, I guess, JK put him in our bed. I woke up in shock that Ethan was next to me because I wasn't exercising the care of a mother who knew her young child was next to her. Anyway, I touched him and noticed that he was warmer than usual but didn't give it too much thought thinking he may just be hot sleeping between the parents and fully blanketed. Besides, I was dead tired. So the morning was as usual - rush to get out of the apartment, drop off my two babies, and walk to work.
Then when I went to see Ethan at the MIL's, I noticed that he was very warm again. The MIL assured me that it was because she just bathed him and he was eating and sleeping normal during the day. JK had arranged to have Ethan stay over that night because he was going to be busy in a meeting at the co-op. I was just missing Ethan and wanted to see him before driving home. But Ethan was acting out of norm when he refused to let me go. So my motherly instinct said I should take him home and check his temperature, since the thermameter was home. The ride home was horrible. Ethan cried from the top of his lungs for 30 minutes. Nothing stopped him from screaming and struggling with all his might to get out of his car seat. My only desire was to get home and get help to bring him up since I really can't and shouldn't carry him at this stage of my pregnancy. After numerous calls to JK, he called back just as I was pulling into the garage. Perfect. But he said, "Why is he with you?" In a fit, after explaining why I had to bring him home already, I screamed, "BECAUSE HE IS SICK!" So daddy quietly uttered, "Alright, I'll be right there."
So the night began. Daddy left his meeting and we focused our attention on Ethan. Daddy checked Ethan's temperature - a wopping 104 degrees. Adrenaline started flowing in both of us while Ethan is still his own self wandering around getting into things, with the waddle of a drunk. We dug out the tylenol and forced a dose down his throat. It's cherry flavored and it really doesn't taste bad but this little one figured out that it was not something he had a choice over so of course he had to fight it with major kicking and screams. Then I cooked for Ethan - peas and some other things, and Daddy had cereal and some other crap for dinner. Daddy ran after Ethan and was lucky enough to get him to eat a cup of yogert and drank some milk and lots of animal crackers. Ethan had some peas and some other stuff which I can't recall. Then when his temperature went down to about 101 at about 11:00 pm, we put him to bed, thinking it will continue in that direction. We were really exhausted already.
When Ethan cried at about 1:00 a.m. , I just whispered to JK to soothe him with a hand rubbing his back. Then the next thing I heard was, "He is really hot. Get the thermameter NOW." Off the bed I jumped, which normally would mean serious pain because all my ligaments are loose now, but I can't remember how my hips and joints felt at that moment. I ran to get the thermameter. JK said, "It's 106." My eyes wide open and heart pounding, in disbelief. Daddy said, get the tylenol. I ran to get it. We forced it down Ethan's throat again. Don't know where this little kid got his energy from at 106 fever, but he managed to vomit half of it out in his fierce struggle. I held him with a heartache and noticed he was shaking but still playing with the thermameter. JK said he wasn't shaking. I said he is so we had a little argument there. But JK agreed we should call the pediatrician. It was 2:00 am. For the first time, the pediatrician wanted us to doing something other than to monitor the situation, "Go to the nearest emergency room now and get him checked out." Woah, this has to be serious. We decided to go to NY Presbytarian even though it's not the nearest but that's the pediatrician's hospital and it's one of the best in the nation. At 2:30 a.m., how can there be traffic? So off we went. No traffic and we saw a meter parking space just across from the hospital. Thank God I thought. Everything is going to be okay. By then Ethan's temperature already came down to 102 to 103. So we were making progress.
Progress is not the word to describe an emergency room experience. We were seen by a nurse about 20 minutes after we arrived. Ethan got motrin and his temperature came down quickly to 99 or 100 and stayed there. Then for the next three and a half hours, we were just waiting. Imagine waiting with a sick and cranky child who would only calm down when you are walking around with him in your arms while you are also dead tired. Unimaginable suffering. I felt bad for JK because he did most of that.
When we were finally seen by a doctor, it was good. For the first time, a doctor let me see through an ear probe how a normal ear look and one with an ear infection, cause that's Ethan's right and left ear. But because an ear infection don't normally cause high fever of 106, the doctor wanted a blood test and an urine test for other infections like urinary tract infection. JK assertedly refused any caterer for the urine test . . . and refused it all together because it would be too painful for his little angel. Even our pediatrician who got on the phone with him couldn't change his mind. So we opted to stick a bag in Ethan's diaper and hopefully get him to drink a lot and pee very soon. I knew it was going to be difficult because Ethan had no appetite for anything at those hours of the day . . . not to mention having been awake with no sleep for so many hours. But daddy was correct not to put him through such pain at 15 months of life. Besides, I told him I have to leave the room if the caterer was to be used so that must have made him even more determined to refuse that method. Anyway, Ethan resisted peeing until after the blood test, chest x-ray and a test for possible flu - that was 2.5 hours after the bag was put on him. Oh, the joy of us seeing that pee, inexplicable! We could go home soon ...
After about another hour or so, when the test results came back, Ethan was released with no medication and no diagnosis for why there was a high fever because all the test results were negative. A relief and yet not. For the rest of the day, we monitored him and he slept like a baby most of the day. Both JK and I took a day off even though we both had a lot of work at work. Our son is our priority, we said affirmatively and comforted each other that there shall be no guilt about that.
The rest of the day and weekend, Ethan got better. On Sunday night, we saw red rashes on his body. We were worried again but we had a follow up appointment with Ethan's pediatrician the next morning so we decided to wait unless we see high temperature again. Besides, Ethan was acting normal otherwise.
So what was the cause? Well, apparently there is a virus called Roseola that causes a very high fever for two to three days before the virus reveals itself with a rash. Ethan had finally fought it and would improve from here on. A final relief that came with some knowledge of the cause.
Stay tuned to the next episode . . .
JW
It's hard to feel like a good parent when one virus is followed by another with just one week's breathing room in between. Last thursday morning, Ethan was more fuzzy in the middle of the night than the few nights before, crying louder in the night and more frequently. We just thought he was acting up. Finally, I guess, JK put him in our bed. I woke up in shock that Ethan was next to me because I wasn't exercising the care of a mother who knew her young child was next to her. Anyway, I touched him and noticed that he was warmer than usual but didn't give it too much thought thinking he may just be hot sleeping between the parents and fully blanketed. Besides, I was dead tired. So the morning was as usual - rush to get out of the apartment, drop off my two babies, and walk to work.
Then when I went to see Ethan at the MIL's, I noticed that he was very warm again. The MIL assured me that it was because she just bathed him and he was eating and sleeping normal during the day. JK had arranged to have Ethan stay over that night because he was going to be busy in a meeting at the co-op. I was just missing Ethan and wanted to see him before driving home. But Ethan was acting out of norm when he refused to let me go. So my motherly instinct said I should take him home and check his temperature, since the thermameter was home. The ride home was horrible. Ethan cried from the top of his lungs for 30 minutes. Nothing stopped him from screaming and struggling with all his might to get out of his car seat. My only desire was to get home and get help to bring him up since I really can't and shouldn't carry him at this stage of my pregnancy. After numerous calls to JK, he called back just as I was pulling into the garage. Perfect. But he said, "Why is he with you?" In a fit, after explaining why I had to bring him home already, I screamed, "BECAUSE HE IS SICK!" So daddy quietly uttered, "Alright, I'll be right there."
So the night began. Daddy left his meeting and we focused our attention on Ethan. Daddy checked Ethan's temperature - a wopping 104 degrees. Adrenaline started flowing in both of us while Ethan is still his own self wandering around getting into things, with the waddle of a drunk. We dug out the tylenol and forced a dose down his throat. It's cherry flavored and it really doesn't taste bad but this little one figured out that it was not something he had a choice over so of course he had to fight it with major kicking and screams. Then I cooked for Ethan - peas and some other things, and Daddy had cereal and some other crap for dinner. Daddy ran after Ethan and was lucky enough to get him to eat a cup of yogert and drank some milk and lots of animal crackers. Ethan had some peas and some other stuff which I can't recall. Then when his temperature went down to about 101 at about 11:00 pm, we put him to bed, thinking it will continue in that direction. We were really exhausted already.
When Ethan cried at about 1:00 a.m. , I just whispered to JK to soothe him with a hand rubbing his back. Then the next thing I heard was, "He is really hot. Get the thermameter NOW." Off the bed I jumped, which normally would mean serious pain because all my ligaments are loose now, but I can't remember how my hips and joints felt at that moment. I ran to get the thermameter. JK said, "It's 106." My eyes wide open and heart pounding, in disbelief. Daddy said, get the tylenol. I ran to get it. We forced it down Ethan's throat again. Don't know where this little kid got his energy from at 106 fever, but he managed to vomit half of it out in his fierce struggle. I held him with a heartache and noticed he was shaking but still playing with the thermameter. JK said he wasn't shaking. I said he is so we had a little argument there. But JK agreed we should call the pediatrician. It was 2:00 am. For the first time, the pediatrician wanted us to doing something other than to monitor the situation, "Go to the nearest emergency room now and get him checked out." Woah, this has to be serious. We decided to go to NY Presbytarian even though it's not the nearest but that's the pediatrician's hospital and it's one of the best in the nation. At 2:30 a.m., how can there be traffic? So off we went. No traffic and we saw a meter parking space just across from the hospital. Thank God I thought. Everything is going to be okay. By then Ethan's temperature already came down to 102 to 103. So we were making progress.
Progress is not the word to describe an emergency room experience. We were seen by a nurse about 20 minutes after we arrived. Ethan got motrin and his temperature came down quickly to 99 or 100 and stayed there. Then for the next three and a half hours, we were just waiting. Imagine waiting with a sick and cranky child who would only calm down when you are walking around with him in your arms while you are also dead tired. Unimaginable suffering. I felt bad for JK because he did most of that.
When we were finally seen by a doctor, it was good. For the first time, a doctor let me see through an ear probe how a normal ear look and one with an ear infection, cause that's Ethan's right and left ear. But because an ear infection don't normally cause high fever of 106, the doctor wanted a blood test and an urine test for other infections like urinary tract infection. JK assertedly refused any caterer for the urine test . . . and refused it all together because it would be too painful for his little angel. Even our pediatrician who got on the phone with him couldn't change his mind. So we opted to stick a bag in Ethan's diaper and hopefully get him to drink a lot and pee very soon. I knew it was going to be difficult because Ethan had no appetite for anything at those hours of the day . . . not to mention having been awake with no sleep for so many hours. But daddy was correct not to put him through such pain at 15 months of life. Besides, I told him I have to leave the room if the caterer was to be used so that must have made him even more determined to refuse that method. Anyway, Ethan resisted peeing until after the blood test, chest x-ray and a test for possible flu - that was 2.5 hours after the bag was put on him. Oh, the joy of us seeing that pee, inexplicable! We could go home soon ...
After about another hour or so, when the test results came back, Ethan was released with no medication and no diagnosis for why there was a high fever because all the test results were negative. A relief and yet not. For the rest of the day, we monitored him and he slept like a baby most of the day. Both JK and I took a day off even though we both had a lot of work at work. Our son is our priority, we said affirmatively and comforted each other that there shall be no guilt about that.
The rest of the day and weekend, Ethan got better. On Sunday night, we saw red rashes on his body. We were worried again but we had a follow up appointment with Ethan's pediatrician the next morning so we decided to wait unless we see high temperature again. Besides, Ethan was acting normal otherwise.
So what was the cause? Well, apparently there is a virus called Roseola that causes a very high fever for two to three days before the virus reveals itself with a rash. Ethan had finally fought it and would improve from here on. A final relief that came with some knowledge of the cause.
Stay tuned to the next episode . . .
JW
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
A Necessary Commitment
The letter read something like, "We are pleased to inform you that you have been approved to live in a cooperative located in Manhattan with 24 hour doorman service, 24 hour gym, 24 laundry facilities, and lots of play space for your kids." Well, at least that's what I remember the letter said. So we were pleased and got ready to dream about closing in the first week of January. Would love to close in December but our bridge financing is not available until the first week of January. I don't like to borrow money in general so we'll just stick to family borrowing for a month or two. We are in contract to sell the lovely one bedroom we are living in now so cash is flowing in soon. All in all, I feel lucky and fortunate that we can have more time with our children in a bigger space soon. Most of all, JK and I may be able to have a life despite having two children since restaurants and other hangout places are that much closer to home and to his mother who may be able to babysit for an hour or two while we try to date again . . . rekindle some old memories of hand-holding etc. Yup, it's a huge mortgage, but anything for love and family.
JW
The letter read something like, "We are pleased to inform you that you have been approved to live in a cooperative located in Manhattan with 24 hour doorman service, 24 hour gym, 24 laundry facilities, and lots of play space for your kids." Well, at least that's what I remember the letter said. So we were pleased and got ready to dream about closing in the first week of January. Would love to close in December but our bridge financing is not available until the first week of January. I don't like to borrow money in general so we'll just stick to family borrowing for a month or two. We are in contract to sell the lovely one bedroom we are living in now so cash is flowing in soon. All in all, I feel lucky and fortunate that we can have more time with our children in a bigger space soon. Most of all, JK and I may be able to have a life despite having two children since restaurants and other hangout places are that much closer to home and to his mother who may be able to babysit for an hour or two while we try to date again . . . rekindle some old memories of hand-holding etc. Yup, it's a huge mortgage, but anything for love and family.
JW
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Battle of the Wills
Two weekends ago, after more than 14 months of sleeping in the couch in the living room, JK realized we have a convertible crib that can become a junior bed, not just a full size bed. This amazing discovery elicited both inspiration and nagging regrets that we haven't made Ethan sleep in his own bed earlier ... only if JW had told him earlier as he kept saying. JK wanted to be the guy in the bed, not his son. So the same day he made this discovery, he converted the crib to a junior bed and was determined to put Ethan in his junior bed and to reclaim his rightful spot in our bed. Those first few nights, which I have very vague memories of now, were on the whole quite successful. JK waited till Ethan was relatively tired, then drunk him with several ounces of milk while his eyes were still closed, then slowly but steadily lowered him into his own bed immediately next to our bed. JK slept between Ethan and me. It worked! Our heads hit the pillow and quickly sank into dreams in those early hours. Unfortunately, like an alarm, Ethan promptly made us jump from the bed with cries that sounded like he was being tortured. On the first night, my motherly instinct got me rushing over to hold him and JK was furious because that must have woke Ethan up completely. Then Ethan wouldn't let go so I had to hold him with him sitting on my 7th month pregnant belly. No, not so comfortable for me at all and God knows what our little girl was feeling. JK, as usual, got the milk and fed Ethan till Ethan sank back into his sleepy state again. Once Ethan went back to sleep, we both just slipped back underneath the comforter, desperate to catch some more sleep before it's time to wake up for work. Then on another night, it was cold and I just couldn't help but worry that Ethan was cold and I couldn't sleep because of that. So when Ethan cried a little, I tried to cover him with his blankets, which JK claimed to have caused Ethan to wake up and cry. So those were the earlier days.
Since my reaction was so unconducive to training Ethan to sleep in his own bed, JK took on the job of responding to him. Hey, no problem. Nothing like not having to get up in the middle of the night. Two nights ago, JK was so tired, he didn't hear Ethan's cries. I didn't know because I just assumed JK was doing what he was suppose to. So apparently Ethan just stopped crying on his own at some point. Then last night, Ethan cried at 12:30 am or so, then at 4:00 am or so, then at 5:00 am or so. Each time JK basically said we have to train him to stop wanting milk in the middle of the night because he doesn't need it and we could all use the sleep. So we did. We slept through his screams. Until about 6:30 am in the morning when Ethan was sitting up and screaming from the top of his lungs. Daddy's guilt came through and got him milk or water I think. In any case, Ethan was soon back asleep, this time Daddy put Ethan next to me and Ethan was quiet once his little hands found me. Feeling his spot was taken, Daddy went out to read and wash the sippy cups. Yes, we are taking Ethan off the bottle too. Why? All the milk Ethan drank to fall asleep in the last few months have our doctor notice we haven't been taking care of his teeth. If the doctor noticed it, then it must be a problem . . . Aaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!! Have we been doing everything wrong? So we have decided it's time for Ethan to grow up which he is completely capable of. We just have to let him.
So far, Ethan is drinking milk and water from the sippy cups and bottles with straws. We decommissioned our bottles. Hooray!! We were unable to make JK's mom surrender the last bottle, which she claims she needs to keep in case Ethan really refuse the sippy cup. Well, we can't start searching her apartment so right now we will let that go. Hopefully, Ethan will be trained to sleep through the night soon and we can enjoy two months of uninterrupted sleep before the next little night terrorist arrive.
JW
Two weekends ago, after more than 14 months of sleeping in the couch in the living room, JK realized we have a convertible crib that can become a junior bed, not just a full size bed. This amazing discovery elicited both inspiration and nagging regrets that we haven't made Ethan sleep in his own bed earlier ... only if JW had told him earlier as he kept saying. JK wanted to be the guy in the bed, not his son. So the same day he made this discovery, he converted the crib to a junior bed and was determined to put Ethan in his junior bed and to reclaim his rightful spot in our bed. Those first few nights, which I have very vague memories of now, were on the whole quite successful. JK waited till Ethan was relatively tired, then drunk him with several ounces of milk while his eyes were still closed, then slowly but steadily lowered him into his own bed immediately next to our bed. JK slept between Ethan and me. It worked! Our heads hit the pillow and quickly sank into dreams in those early hours. Unfortunately, like an alarm, Ethan promptly made us jump from the bed with cries that sounded like he was being tortured. On the first night, my motherly instinct got me rushing over to hold him and JK was furious because that must have woke Ethan up completely. Then Ethan wouldn't let go so I had to hold him with him sitting on my 7th month pregnant belly. No, not so comfortable for me at all and God knows what our little girl was feeling. JK, as usual, got the milk and fed Ethan till Ethan sank back into his sleepy state again. Once Ethan went back to sleep, we both just slipped back underneath the comforter, desperate to catch some more sleep before it's time to wake up for work. Then on another night, it was cold and I just couldn't help but worry that Ethan was cold and I couldn't sleep because of that. So when Ethan cried a little, I tried to cover him with his blankets, which JK claimed to have caused Ethan to wake up and cry. So those were the earlier days.
Since my reaction was so unconducive to training Ethan to sleep in his own bed, JK took on the job of responding to him. Hey, no problem. Nothing like not having to get up in the middle of the night. Two nights ago, JK was so tired, he didn't hear Ethan's cries. I didn't know because I just assumed JK was doing what he was suppose to. So apparently Ethan just stopped crying on his own at some point. Then last night, Ethan cried at 12:30 am or so, then at 4:00 am or so, then at 5:00 am or so. Each time JK basically said we have to train him to stop wanting milk in the middle of the night because he doesn't need it and we could all use the sleep. So we did. We slept through his screams. Until about 6:30 am in the morning when Ethan was sitting up and screaming from the top of his lungs. Daddy's guilt came through and got him milk or water I think. In any case, Ethan was soon back asleep, this time Daddy put Ethan next to me and Ethan was quiet once his little hands found me. Feeling his spot was taken, Daddy went out to read and wash the sippy cups. Yes, we are taking Ethan off the bottle too. Why? All the milk Ethan drank to fall asleep in the last few months have our doctor notice we haven't been taking care of his teeth. If the doctor noticed it, then it must be a problem . . . Aaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!! Have we been doing everything wrong? So we have decided it's time for Ethan to grow up which he is completely capable of. We just have to let him.
So far, Ethan is drinking milk and water from the sippy cups and bottles with straws. We decommissioned our bottles. Hooray!! We were unable to make JK's mom surrender the last bottle, which she claims she needs to keep in case Ethan really refuse the sippy cup. Well, we can't start searching her apartment so right now we will let that go. Hopefully, Ethan will be trained to sleep through the night soon and we can enjoy two months of uninterrupted sleep before the next little night terrorist arrive.
JW
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Already Exhibiting the Family Trait
Just last week, we noticed a little singer in our mist. He sings whenever and wherever . . . twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, up above the sky so high . . .
Well, may be I should be more clear. Little Ethan nose-sings the song, but I noticed the notes immediately. It was then that I realized the ABC song and Twinkle Twinkel Little Star share the same music. I wouldn't have known but for the fact that I had to figure out which song Ethan was so constantly singing to himself while he eats, pee, poop, or just walking about the apartment exploring his world. Yeah, I used to do that too before he was born . . . singing everywhere. (But not when I eat pee or poop. That's Ethan's thing.) Those were the more relaxing days and singing is relaxing. Then I noticed JK started doing that too. So sometimes we would do a duet rather than talk . . . so an argument is in the form of a song . . . I would sing one line and he would answer with another. The note changes depending on the intensity of the discussion or argument. So we rarely had fights . . . just arguments sung out in songs. Those memories were great . . . at times calling each other names while we sing like we were performing in an opera. Yup, it's hard to remember we ever argued since we always had so much fun. So may be a fetus does hear the mother's voice while still in the womb. Little Ethan loves to sing. Can't wait till he picks up another melody.
Just last week, we noticed a little singer in our mist. He sings whenever and wherever . . . twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, up above the sky so high . . .
Well, may be I should be more clear. Little Ethan nose-sings the song, but I noticed the notes immediately. It was then that I realized the ABC song and Twinkle Twinkel Little Star share the same music. I wouldn't have known but for the fact that I had to figure out which song Ethan was so constantly singing to himself while he eats, pee, poop, or just walking about the apartment exploring his world. Yeah, I used to do that too before he was born . . . singing everywhere. (But not when I eat pee or poop. That's Ethan's thing.) Those were the more relaxing days and singing is relaxing. Then I noticed JK started doing that too. So sometimes we would do a duet rather than talk . . . so an argument is in the form of a song . . . I would sing one line and he would answer with another. The note changes depending on the intensity of the discussion or argument. So we rarely had fights . . . just arguments sung out in songs. Those memories were great . . . at times calling each other names while we sing like we were performing in an opera. Yup, it's hard to remember we ever argued since we always had so much fun. So may be a fetus does hear the mother's voice while still in the womb. Little Ethan loves to sing. Can't wait till he picks up another melody.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Another little one is coming . . .
We are in the mist of major transitions. We are selling the little one-bedroom we are currently living in and buying a two-bedroom in Manhattan. Both are coops so the process will drag on until early next year. Not a problem for me. In fact, I much prefer the one we are selling to close in April. No doubt it will present a financial drain but we are expecting a little girl in March 07. I am no superwoman who can handle a move, childbirth and recovery, and the incessant demands of a newborn. Especially this time, I expect to weather the challenge with no expectation of help from the in-laws. Granted, my mother-in-law will take care of little Ethan, our 14 month old who would be 18 months then. With all her good intentions, she gives me more mental stress than relief. My best characterization of us is that we are just two women who live in different worlds with different standards and it's best we be kept apart to avoid clashes on important matters like what to feed a newborn - formula or breastmilk. Those who she talks to may be told that she really did want Ethan to be breastfed but all that talk of hers boil me even more because a person should truly be judged by actions. Yes . . . if you haven't figured it out, I have some deep seeded anger that needs to be worked out. My daughter is my chance to do what I wasn't able to accomplish with Ethan . . . I was deferential to my in-laws with the hopes that we maintain a good and long lasting relationship. Besides, I thought at the time when Ethan was born, that my mother-in-law was willing to make the sacrifice of staying with us in our little one-bedroom to help out and to "take care of me". Well, she didn't think very hard about how to take care of a postpartum mother and give her a nutritional diet. I guess like she said, in her days she had nothing much to eat . . . just white rice and vinegar stuff. I was too emotionally challenged and not yet made up my mind to say "hell with what she thinks", go grocery shopping and take back my kitchen. Afterall, my own mother warns about going out in the first month and be exposed to the elements . . . which allegedly would weaken me for the rest of my life. So the opening was there for her to do the Mao Zhe Dong coercion thing on me . . . talk to me everyday about how every women in her village in China did not have enough milk to feed their baby. Granted, each day was a different story about a different woman. How she knows all these private business I dont' know. I was also concerned about the marriage . . . JK is quite deferential to his mother and if I did not try to work things out or try to see from her perspective, I thought my whole life would fall apart. Besides, I loved my marriage and we just had a beautiful child. Only later did I realize that I was losing control over my life in every way . . . and that my life fell apart because I allowed myself to be a prisoner in someone else's world with someone else's idea of being alive.
So in short, I will take good care of myself this time around with all the generous help from family and friends welcomed, but not anyone who comes around to me with "this is how you should eat, drink, and take care of your baby." Kindness of that sort I don't need. To accomplish this, I much prefer to be in my little one-bedroom in Queens, miles away from my in-laws who live in Manhattan.
We are in the mist of major transitions. We are selling the little one-bedroom we are currently living in and buying a two-bedroom in Manhattan. Both are coops so the process will drag on until early next year. Not a problem for me. In fact, I much prefer the one we are selling to close in April. No doubt it will present a financial drain but we are expecting a little girl in March 07. I am no superwoman who can handle a move, childbirth and recovery, and the incessant demands of a newborn. Especially this time, I expect to weather the challenge with no expectation of help from the in-laws. Granted, my mother-in-law will take care of little Ethan, our 14 month old who would be 18 months then. With all her good intentions, she gives me more mental stress than relief. My best characterization of us is that we are just two women who live in different worlds with different standards and it's best we be kept apart to avoid clashes on important matters like what to feed a newborn - formula or breastmilk. Those who she talks to may be told that she really did want Ethan to be breastfed but all that talk of hers boil me even more because a person should truly be judged by actions. Yes . . . if you haven't figured it out, I have some deep seeded anger that needs to be worked out. My daughter is my chance to do what I wasn't able to accomplish with Ethan . . . I was deferential to my in-laws with the hopes that we maintain a good and long lasting relationship. Besides, I thought at the time when Ethan was born, that my mother-in-law was willing to make the sacrifice of staying with us in our little one-bedroom to help out and to "take care of me". Well, she didn't think very hard about how to take care of a postpartum mother and give her a nutritional diet. I guess like she said, in her days she had nothing much to eat . . . just white rice and vinegar stuff. I was too emotionally challenged and not yet made up my mind to say "hell with what she thinks", go grocery shopping and take back my kitchen. Afterall, my own mother warns about going out in the first month and be exposed to the elements . . . which allegedly would weaken me for the rest of my life. So the opening was there for her to do the Mao Zhe Dong coercion thing on me . . . talk to me everyday about how every women in her village in China did not have enough milk to feed their baby. Granted, each day was a different story about a different woman. How she knows all these private business I dont' know. I was also concerned about the marriage . . . JK is quite deferential to his mother and if I did not try to work things out or try to see from her perspective, I thought my whole life would fall apart. Besides, I loved my marriage and we just had a beautiful child. Only later did I realize that I was losing control over my life in every way . . . and that my life fell apart because I allowed myself to be a prisoner in someone else's world with someone else's idea of being alive.
So in short, I will take good care of myself this time around with all the generous help from family and friends welcomed, but not anyone who comes around to me with "this is how you should eat, drink, and take care of your baby." Kindness of that sort I don't need. To accomplish this, I much prefer to be in my little one-bedroom in Queens, miles away from my in-laws who live in Manhattan.
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