Mother-Daughter Bond


There is something to be said about a mother-daughter bond.  Being lucky enough to have a boy and a girl, I rejoice the fortune to have both experiences.  But there is something special between Artimus and me.

Artimus was in a "I really need mommy" mood in the past week.  So this past Friday, I played hooky from a night class and went with her, just the two of us, to the Whitney Museum.  She was thrilled to have me all to herself.  As we walked through the galleries, she held my hand and danced her way from one love interest to the next, all the while hanging a big smile on her face.  I didn't realize how small the Whitney is so we were done in 35 minutes.  Yes, with a four year old, it's hard to stand and admire any one painting.  As always, fellow museum goers were impressed with the maturity and curiosity Artimus showed in the elevator and through the exhibits.  So with a happy spirit, I proposed dinner with mommy at a nice restaurant.  But by then, Artimus was hungry and wanted the familiar stuff - a box of cold takeout from a Chinese restaurant that daddy insisted that I take with us in case we didn't have time to get dinner.  Surprisingly, Artimus inhaled the rice and cold beef.  All in all, I have not seen Artimus so happy, giddy, actress-like, and funny.  That Friday night, Artimus glued her body to mine and fell asleep after gently kissing me a billion times (or I was imagining the kisses because she tired me out so much so that  I must have fallen asleep first.)

Today, this opportunity for bonding with my daughter made me want to cry as I see my sister-in-law who just gave birth 10 days ago had to separate from her baby.  Out of the blue she had massive non-stop bleeding.  She was in the ER by about 1:00.  By mid afternoon, the doctor decided to operate on her even though her situation was rare.  So a simple surgery went much longer, and instead of going home an hour after the surgery, she is in the ICU overnight - a night away from the baby, and fully engorged.  Her determination to nurse her baby was just bearing fruit.  This is no doubt going to be a set back.  But in her eyes, I saw that she is determined to save her life first so her baby will have a mother.

As always, I am learning that a purpose in life, or a determination to survive, bring out enormous strength in people ... particularly woman.  I know Becky wants to go home to her baby, and make sure her parents and siblings are not worried.  I hope soon, Becky can engage in the most basic bonding with her baby - nursing.

Cultural Inspirations

Since Jamaica, Ethan and Artimus have been fascinated and inspired by both song and dance performances.  So I decided that it's time to see a real show.  This past Saturday, we went to see the Martha Graham Dance Company at Lincoln Center, the American contemporary modern dance company.  They were the only kids among the audience and they behaved so well that those sitting next to us on both sides were pleasantly surprised and told me so.  Best of all, we all loved the performance.  Absolutely fabulous dancing, acting and story.    Artimus said she wants to learn to dance ... that's my next project - find a good dance school.  Ethan expectedly said he is not interested in learning how to dance.  For now, Ethan just wants to get to level two in swimming where his sister is now.  Well, I guess it's all good. 

This is what we are up to ...

Grandpa came home from China with this loud toy that light up and roll around upon the touch of a tiny button.

Ethan and Artimus were absolutely mesmerized by it.  Yes, the noise was intolerable and this magical wonder had since disappeared for no reason ... 

It must have been another one of those moments when Mommy has decided to eat up the problem rather than get frustrated!

Gosh, he is licking again!!!!  When all fails, Ethan resorts to being gross.

Yes, the photographer for the latter two pictures was Artimus!  She actually centered her subjects!

Dream Come True

Today must be the happiest day of my sister-in-law Becky's life.  She gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl after 8 years of persistence to have a little love of her own.  Seeing her at peace with her baby on her chest made me so happy for her.  The joy of motherhood ... of connecting to a new life so deeply and intimately ... forever, is simply contagious.

As for my brother, he was so happy he told me it's the best day of his life.  He said he didn't realize it's so painful to have a baby.  He said he is so happy for Becky and him but he would not dream to have a second ... only if Becky wants to do it again.  Then for the first time he said even if he has to get a second job, he'll just have to do it.  After so many years, it's finally fatherhood that made him a maturer person.

Artimus and Ethan both said they want to see their little cousin immediately!  The pictures I took were not enough!

Fun in the Kitchen

Our favorite activity in the kitchen is baking banana bread.  Ethan takes this task seriously.  

Artimus is a bit on the groovy side - fooling around and messing things up is more her thing.

Ethan does homework while mommy cooks dinner but Artimus gets to refine her ever-the-same drawing - some combination of family members.  This one is her and mommy dancing, which involves flipping some long clothes around, like Chinese ribbon dance.

Warmth and Sunshine in Jamaica

Yes, we are on vacation.  You see our ice-cream cones?

 We hit the beach immediately upon arrival, even though the sun was starting to go down.

The next day, the sky was all clear blue and the sun was shining.  The beach was irresistable.

We just like playing with the water and sand all day long ... for hours while mommy slathered us with sunblock.

Ethan blocked the rocking flamingo but it's still a great picture.

Daddy and Me, Artimus.

We are swimming in the pool with our noodles!  

See our hands and feet?  We did not need Daddy's help!

I can swim!

I love strawberry deckary (?!).

More strawberry deckary!

 Look how big this pool is!  On the third day, we swam from one end to the other.

We are hanging out in the airport restaurant and mommy is taking a picture of me.  

Mommy is wearing "Jamaica No Problem" tee-shirt.  

A very interesting charcoal drawing hung in the Jamaica airport.  

A Jamaican artist with American training depicts communal grief.

Spring?


I swear, just a moment ago, at about 10:30 pm, I heard a bunch of birds chirping away right outside my living room window.   For a moment I thought the sun was still out.  Spring has got to be near.  Oh, those birds just awoken in my brain the need for spring colors in my wardrobe!  How exciting that tomorrow is Valentine's Day!

JW

Good Guys Bad Guys  (my rant and rave)

To Ethan and Artimus, their child play always has to have the good guys and the bad guys.  As I would go about my cooking or chores, two little warriors armed with light savors (a long rubber sword) would hide themselves around corners, under the tables or chairs or sofas, and sometimes bed covers, to avoid my noticing them.  Their pitter-pattering of feet always gave their locations away, not to mention the giggling.  But in their little world, as seen on Star Wars, they were immaculous in their warrior moves.  When they finally made their attacks, they always loudly proclaimed, "Kill the bad guy.  Mommy is the bad guy!" 

Why?  It makes the idea of killing, which is obviously a brutal concept, acceptable.  What about the killing of a person who stole because her child was hungry?  That killing would be inhumane.  What about a husband or a wife who cheats/gambles?  Are there circumstances that would make cheating or gambling of marrital funds not so unacceptable?  For what reasons would it be reasonable for hearts to forgive ... or not impose the harshest of punishment? 

Children's love is so pure and sincere.  It's like freshly fallen snow.  But overtime, children learn that there are shades between black and white.  It is my opinion that the realization of this spectrum evidences maturity and compassion.  That's the process of growing up. 

Daddy had fully engrossed Ethan and Artimus in Star Wars and other great movies.  It's time for mommy to share the less fun stuff that happens in the not-so-fortunate parts of the world ...

In the Name of Love


JK invited me over to his parents' home for the last family dinner of the year today.  I was hesitant.  I didn't want to convey the wrong message to his family.  But in the end, I decided to go.  I was in a good mood until it dawned on me that Richard was not at the dinner table.   (Richard, almost 40, lives at home and is recovering from cancer.)  I asked why he wasn't joining us for dinner.  My MIL said he was in the bedroom.  I pressed on.  Is he not feeling well?  Did he lose his appetite?  She said no, that Richard would heat up some dumplings later.  Dumplings?  Those frozen dumplings bought from the Chinese dumpling places for cheap?  Then I asked, "Isn't it important for him to eat some fish and vegetables?" The response?  "The food is oily and it's not suitable for him."  My jaw dropped.  How much more ignorant can this get?  Oil from meat is bad for cancer, but oil from fish that was steamed?  Isn't there fat in the meat dumpling?  Animal protein is tumor cells' best friend, no?  Studies have shown that.  I lost my appetite.  When Richard came out of his room after the dinner table was busted, I asked him why he did not join us for dinner.  He said "they" wouldn't let him.

So in the name of love, this woman not only deprived Richard of a recovery based on an educated diet, she took away his will and pride.  He had no control even over his own diet.  This reminded me of the month after Ethan was born when she was supposedly taking care of me.  She denied me of any food I wanted to eat.  One example: when Ethan wouldn't stop crying, she claimed it was because I was drinking milk and Ethan was allegic to it.  She fought me day and night, blaming all of Ethan's crying on the food I ate, even when I was barely able to nurse Ethan because she was giving him the bottle with formula every time I wasn't looking.  She took away my pride as a mother - my right to decide what's best for my child.  And I was always hungry for that one month when I was suppose to be recovering.  Seeing how Richard is being treated now brought back all these feelings.

I want to sever my children from a woman who, in the name of love, is so destructive.  But I know I can't.  I can not have my kids live in a bubble.  They will need to learn how to deal with their grandmother, and emerge as strong and independent minded as their mother.  Since she will be in their lives, I can only help them question the actions of people in their lives and evaluate whether those actions are rational/reasonable/sensible.

Green Eggs and Ham


After about two and a half years of trying to get Ethan back into the pool to learn how to swim, he was finally in the pool about 10 days ago.  Yes, it was the promise of star war legos and just gifts in general for giving new experiences a try.  But I think it's mostly because Ethan and I had a major fight the Saturday before when I tried but failed to get him to put on his swimming trunk.  He resisted with all his might.  But he came along, fully dressed, to the pool because he had no choice.  Artimus had her lessons so he either came along or had to be alone.  He came along and watched Artimus swim for an hour as well as waited for her when I changed her in the dressing room.  He was bored as hell when Artimus was happily playing in the water.  Naturally, as any smart kid should, he agreed to go into the pool the following Saturday.

After Ethan was in the pool for an hour with a very sensitive instructor, he told me, "Mommy, swimming is fun.  I really like it.  I want to come back next weekend."  My heart sang with glee.  I thought I would never hear those words from him.  So now, Ethan is finally in regular lessons, just like Artimus!  Yay!  Never give up!

Brother and Sister - Best Companions

Ethan's favorite game: "Blokus"

"I love my pillow pet."

Scooting around town.

Just being funny ... hee hee!

"Our feet, do you see them?"

"Bone in the Throat"

I love the way kids describe things.  Artimus said to me that she is not feeling well because there is a bone in her throat and she can't get it out.  She has been coughing.  So she has phlem.  Unfortunately, it's hard to teach a three year old to cough out phlem.  It's just impossible.  But the way she described her sympthom is so cute!

Obsessive Little Boy

When a kid utters "Blokus" in the morning when his eyes are still closed, you know the kid is a little obsessed.  Yes, I neglected to notice that during game night, a friend took out a game called Blokus and introduced that to Ethan and Artimus, as well as Sonia and Ian.  Ethan was particularly taken by it that after I told him Santa had given that game to him for Christmas, he and I spent the rest of Sunday playing that game.  He got so good at it that we were tied for several games before I said enough is enough and we must go to bed.  Ethan was so desperate to play that Blokus I think I could have bribed him to all things impossible (i.e. do his homework quickly, clean up his toys, take a bath, brush his teeth etc.)  I thank the person who invented such a fun game.

Game Night


We were invited to a party by a couple who don't have kids yet.  They were fun to hang with and the kids loved them.  They really know how to have fun.  We sang kareoke ... with me listening most of the time.  The kids had color markers and glow in the dark paper.  It was also nice to watch Nelson wanting to sing and release his energy.  I didn't remember how much of an extrovert he is since we have not hang out together for fun since the kids came along.  Artimus and Ethan enjoyed the drawing so much and watching with total amazement that the adults were trying to find an entertainment rather than watch him play.

We did get home late though.  I was so afraid it will take forever to find parking but we were lucky.  But by the time we got home, Artimus and Ethan really needed their moment of play.  So I let them for their way before the firm rules came down.  They were very happy and want to do it again.

Grand-parents and Childhood


After half a year's absence from Ethan and Artimus' everyday, grandma unexpectedly dropped by today to announce that she will come every morning to take Artimus to school.  It's true that Ethan has been late almost every morning because getting the two of them out the door seemed doubly hard.  She wants to make sure Ethan gets to school on time.  She said her son who had cancer is now able to cook for himself so she can help out again.

This is so sudden I can't get use to the thought of seeing her everyday again.  I am also dreading all the terribly unhealthy and sugary stuff she feeds the kids every morning.  If she comes with real breakfast, that's fine.  But she comes with junk food with no nutritional value except for sugar or salt and MSG.  It's time to creatively convey to her that they have everything they need to eat right here in my apartment.

So having her seems an inconvenience after not having her for so long.  But Ethan and Artimus need love from many people in their lives, particularly grandparents.  One day, when they look back, they will realize the joy of being surrounded by people who love and care for them.  That's one mark of a happy childhood, and I can't deny them that.

-JW

My Singyi Girl

Did I ever tell you (this blog) that Artimus is a singer?  She can sing anytime, anywhere, and about anything.  She also has this amazing power to remember tunes and rhythms, even though she cannot read yet.  She sings her Chinese and English nursery songs with such seriousness that one gets mesmerized by her voice and gestures that go along with the words.  It's always such a joy to hear her singing from the bathroom when I am cooking in the kitchen.  Even Ethan feels good to hear her singing because he loves company.  Her singing makes him laugh and puts a smile on both of our faces.  She is a charm.  I hope she will always be singing no matter how old she gets.

Words Words Words


I don't know why it took me so long to realize that I need my kids to read on their own.  That means they need to know how to read words.  Schools don't help much with that.  It's done by the parents or children will have to wait for that magical moment of self-realization.

So I started index cards with Ethan and Artimus.  So far, so good.  They are making super progress but they are far from knowing the necessary words to read on their own.  Again, this is a labor of love.  But they sure make me laugh when they try to figure out the words ... does "and" sound like "turkey" or "love" or whatever wild guesses they make?

JW

Sleeping Semi-Independently


After almost five and a half years, the cuties are sleeping in their own beds through the night.  They still need me to be in the room watching them fall asleep but it's major progress in my book.  This progress is done with incentives ... a gift after sleeping 6 consecutive nights in their own bed.  But whatever!  We all need incentives to embrace change, even though we know the change would mean progress.  I can't believe they are the age they are and I am that much older.  It was time that felt slow in the everyday details of life with kids.  But looking back, time just flew by.  I miss many moments.  I hope I recorded some of those moments.  Kids are a labor of love.  It's the joy they bring that make that hard selfless labor forgettable.  

What A Mother Misses

Their baby voices.

The way they talk.

Ethan's favorite word: "Why?"

Artimus' circular reasoning: "Mommy, do you know why the building is so tall?" "Why, sweetie?" "Because it's so tall, Mommy."

Their raw feelings.

Their soft skin.

Their love of the snow.

Artimus' dilemma about what to wear in the morning, even with her limited wardrobe for a 3.5 year old.

Their drawings.

The way they succumb to my wishes when ice-cream was promised.

Their incessant desire to be with me.

Inner Strength

The stars didn't line up correctly in 2010.  Another girlfriend who I have known since high school was recently diagnosed with serious tumors in her liver and colon.  (My ex-brother in law was diagnosed with cancer in the throat in July 2010.)  These are cancerous and it's at their late stages.  Though we were not very close, I always enjoyed her free spirit and joyous laughter.  So when the news of her illness came, I couldn't help but want to be there ... a good person and a friend who had called when I was most unhappy in my younger days.  I finally got her okay to visit her on New Years day, 1/1/11.  I pictured her exhausted from chemotherapy, with barely any hair, and emaciated from not being able to eat much.  But she shocked me.  She had a full head of hair, in her happy spirit as usual, and a game plan to fight those cancerous cells.    She was tired but she didn't show it.  She had the exercise routine, the diet and the family members lined up to help.  It was great sitting in her living room and hearing how she feels that there could be worst things that can happen.  She made me laugh with her little stories about her doctor's visits and the baby food she eats.  After tiring her out for two hours, I left feeling enlightened.  I hope the hats I bought her will never be used.  But if they will be used, I know she will have fun with them.  To me, she showed me what it means to be living - to be thankful of what she has and to be happy.  She is far from dying.  Friends of all walks of life never fail to teach me strength and greatness.  For that I am blessed.