In the Name of Love


JK invited me over to his parents' home for the last family dinner of the year today.  I was hesitant.  I didn't want to convey the wrong message to his family.  But in the end, I decided to go.  I was in a good mood until it dawned on me that Richard was not at the dinner table.   (Richard, almost 40, lives at home and is recovering from cancer.)  I asked why he wasn't joining us for dinner.  My MIL said he was in the bedroom.  I pressed on.  Is he not feeling well?  Did he lose his appetite?  She said no, that Richard would heat up some dumplings later.  Dumplings?  Those frozen dumplings bought from the Chinese dumpling places for cheap?  Then I asked, "Isn't it important for him to eat some fish and vegetables?" The response?  "The food is oily and it's not suitable for him."  My jaw dropped.  How much more ignorant can this get?  Oil from meat is bad for cancer, but oil from fish that was steamed?  Isn't there fat in the meat dumpling?  Animal protein is tumor cells' best friend, no?  Studies have shown that.  I lost my appetite.  When Richard came out of his room after the dinner table was busted, I asked him why he did not join us for dinner.  He said "they" wouldn't let him.

So in the name of love, this woman not only deprived Richard of a recovery based on an educated diet, she took away his will and pride.  He had no control even over his own diet.  This reminded me of the month after Ethan was born when she was supposedly taking care of me.  She denied me of any food I wanted to eat.  One example: when Ethan wouldn't stop crying, she claimed it was because I was drinking milk and Ethan was allegic to it.  She fought me day and night, blaming all of Ethan's crying on the food I ate, even when I was barely able to nurse Ethan because she was giving him the bottle with formula every time I wasn't looking.  She took away my pride as a mother - my right to decide what's best for my child.  And I was always hungry for that one month when I was suppose to be recovering.  Seeing how Richard is being treated now brought back all these feelings.

I want to sever my children from a woman who, in the name of love, is so destructive.  But I know I can't.  I can not have my kids live in a bubble.  They will need to learn how to deal with their grandmother, and emerge as strong and independent minded as their mother.  Since she will be in their lives, I can only help them question the actions of people in their lives and evaluate whether those actions are rational/reasonable/sensible.