Being in love ...

When her eyes meet mine, I know she is in love.  I am too, because she melts my heart every moment of her lively being.  The thought of losing her, or the bond between us, scares me.  There is no one else like her in my life.  She makes me laugh and feel blessed every moment that she shares with me. 

I think he is in love with me too, in his own ways.  A boy's love is less romantic.  It is a lot more of the desire that I approach him with hugs and kisses.  His demands from me are practical ... "I am thirsty mommy," "when are we going home?", and "why do I have to learn how to play piano?  I hate piano!"  But when I went away two weeks ago, he was the one who repeatedly told me, "I miss you, Mommy.  When are you coming back?"  He was the one who emailed me repeatedly, begging for a response. 

A girl and a boy!  Now I should know all about the ways of people since on an emotional level, we never become "adults".

The Tickle Button

Three days ago, after we got home, I heard Artimus coined the struggle we go through daily as "the tickle button" problem.  Here is the tickle button.

The struggle is as much her uncontrollable laugher and withdrawal from my hands trying to unbutton it as my hands getting weaker from wanting to laugh about it myself. 

Yes, she now wears glasses.  I did buy her the non-glare lens but she broke those in less than a week. These replacements, for some reason, has no non-glare coating. 

Finally ... I found my way back into this blog

Dear follower, I am back.  Not sure how I was locked out of this blog but I finally found my way in.  Please stay tuned.  There were so many moments of thoughts I want to share for eternity.  -JW

Airing the Pain of Divorce

I have been seeing more tears from Ethan lately about the divorce.  One evening last week, we sat down for dinner at my kitchen.  It was a Thursday night I believe.  We just started eating when Ethan started tearing.

Ethan:  "Mommy, Daddy, you should not have been divorced when I was just a toddler and Artimus was just a baby, before she was even a toddler."

Me: "What did you say?"

Ethan: "I said you two should not have gotten a divorce when me and Artimus were so young.  May be about now when we are older."

Ethan teared up and attempted to hold back his tears by looking up to the ceiling.  He did not wipe his tears.

JK and I were silenced by Ethan's sudden unexpected statement.

JK: "Do you think Daddy regrets marrying Mommy"

Silence. Ethan and Artimus looked at each other.  I focused on my food and kept eating.

JK:  "No, because if Mommy and I did not get marry then I would never have two beautiful children."

Ethan:  "Yes, but because of your divorce, I got this bump permanently on my face because daddy hit me a long time ago."

JK:  "I hit you because you were pushing babygirl and you wouldn't stop."

Me:  "No, the bump that you talked about did not come from daddy hitting you.  It was a fat cell deposit that the dentist said would naturally go away.  It's not there anymore."

Ethan: "No, it is still there."

Ethan got out of chair and walked quickly away towards bathroom.

I remained quiet and upset.

Ethan came back.

Ethan started eating.

Me: "Ethan, there is never a good time to get a divorce.  I can assure you that you would not be happier if Mommy and Daddy are still married and arguing all the time.  I don't think you would be happy when Mommy and Daddy are unhappy together.  Ethan, you need to have the correct version of things here.  Mommy and Daddy tried our best to make you and Artimus learning and growing despite our divorce.  Yes, there are many people who are married but that doesn't mean they are happy.  You need to know that your Mommy does not conform to what everybody thinks or say is the right thing to do.  Mommy thinks things through and make a decision that follow my heart and my conscience.  Please do not ever blame everything bad you experience on your parents' divorce.  That will make you a blamer.  We all take responsibility for our own actions.  I hope you will grow up to not conform to what everybody says or thinks but instead have your own thinking, and follow your heart in whatever you do."

Ethan stared at me.  I sensed that he felt better, that he was beginning to not feel ashamed that his parents are divorced.

Artimus:  "Daddy, what about the diamond ring? Where is it?"

Daddy:  "You don't need a diamond ring to get married."

Me:  "Daddy never gave me a diamond ring.  I hope whoever your end up marrying would give you a diamond ring."

The conversation just about ended there.  The kids were happier after my speech.  I am glad I gave Ethan a piece of my mind.  He is too smart to be pampered.  He needs to be given the truth and the firm assertion that I do not want him feeling justified to blame everything bad happening to him on the divorce.  I tried too hard to make everything alright to let him do that.

An Update - Birthdays that Mark a New School Year

Another summer ended so quickly!  The kids are one year older, and so am I.
The best thing is, Ethan got his cousin K to celebrate with every year
as they are really cousin-twins born just one day apart. 

Kids with Amazing spirit!  They are so beautiful and so lively!

Me and my beautiful girl who is turning 17.  

My beautiful angel to my right and my grumpy boy who just wanted Annie to end after the first 15 minutes.

Here is Ethan asking when Annie is going to end and why it is taking so long.

Auntie turned crazy with the girls at a wedding.  The lollipop is just too good to resist.

Me and my angel, turning 20.  

They can't be more different - one loves pictures the other runs from the camera.

Yup, one night, my new assertive boyfriend got me next to these big shots before I could say, "Stop!  Why am I taking pictures with them?"

The busy weekends began already.  Here, they are rushing to eat between swimming and piano classes.

My love, doing his homework next to me.  He is so serious.  

Our Family Summer Vacation

We went to PR.  The sound of the waves and the smell of the sea brings ease to the mind more than any yoga session can do.  The sun was great.  We all came back tanned!

My Obsessive Boy

Yes, in case I forget to mention the newest obsession of Ethan, it is Harry Potter.  Here is proof:

Mesmerized in Harry Potter.  He is now up to book 5.   So proud of him.

The Remarriage Campaign

As soon as we got home today, Artimus came up to me very cute and sweetly, and said, "Your mother's aunt and I both want you and daddy to get married again.  That's what we want.  Can you marry Daddy again?  Please?"  With her long smile showing her teeth and her eyelashes batting, I couldn't help but laugh.  Daddy took them to visit my grand aunt over the weekend while I was trying to finish a report.  My grand aunt had questioned the wisdom of my decision when she first learned of our divorce.  She absolutely adored him.  I must admit, most older people we meet adore him.  But why this now, after more than four years of separation and divorce?

We talked.

Me: "Do you want me to be happy?"  

Artimus:  "Yes."

Me: "Can you let me choose who I want to be with?"

Artimus:  ---

Me: "What if I fall in love with someone else?"

Artimus: "You cannot marry anyone else."

Me: "Can you let me choose who will make me happy?"

Artimus: "You will marry him?"

Me: "May be."

Artimus: "Then can I be the flower girl?"  

Me: "Yes, of course."

We hugged.

Artimus:  "Can I have the ice-cream now?  You promised."

I have a feeling there will be more of these types of conversations.

JW

Sleeping in the Same Bed

There are true benefits to sleeping in the same bed.  We get to cuddle, kiss, hug and build great memories of comfort and love.  The truth is, we can all remember a time in our younger days when we were afraid of the dark, the stillness of the night, and monsters/ghosts.  We craved the warmth and protection of the superheroes like mommy and daddy.  After all, our bodies dictated that there is nothing better than a good night sleep.

These true benefits to sleeping with parents diminish as the years progress.  At least for the parent, the kids' nighttime spins and karate moves get less tolerable as their size get bigger.  That kick in the head at 4:00 am in the morning is no longer forgivable.  The leg swung on top of my belly no longer felt like a slap but like a punch.  This is particularly true for Ethan, whose bones are bigger and heavier.  Artimus, being female, is softer.  She is also less violent in her sleep.

This morning, I had a revelation.  Even though I love to wake up with them by my side and know that they slept well, I think it's time for them to be in their bed.  Perhaps I can reactivate that fulton I bought that can be laid out on the floor in front of their bunk bed.  I must get Ethan to learn to sleep on his own.  Otherwise, I might begin to feel like a battered mother.  But how can I get upset at a sleeping child?

Artimus fell off the bed last night.  I helped her back on to the bed and she just continued sleeping.  Amazing.

JW

Graduations, Moving Up Ceremonies, and Awards

Yes, Ethan and Artimus are both making me very proud.  Ethan worked so hard in his reading and writing that he is no longer scoring below 50 on tests.  Instead, he earned overall honors in all subject areas, which meant he got above a 90 average on all subjects.  His reading appears to be better than his math now.  Amazing.  He can't help but talk about Harry Potter all the time.  My obsessive compulsive boy merely got a new thing to obsessed about.  For that, I am glad it's about books.

Artimus got honors at school without much effort.  Can you imagine if she actually put efforts into her studies?  She also got third honors in Chinese School, after attending only half the year.  This is also amazing because she is the only one who does not finish her homework in class.  She is smart.  I hope in the years to come, she will learn the value of hard work.

So I am proud of them.  They are my joy and pride.  They make me laugh just by being who they are.

God Bless!

JW

A proud mom!

Artimus at Chinese School kindergarten graduation.

I got a picture of Ethan, barely.  I couldn't even get a picture of him at his awards ceremony.

Artimus, the ballerina with treats from her teacher after the performance.  Artimus looks like a real girl now.  Not my little baby anymore.

Do you see what's in her hands?  She was so happy to be one of five who got honors.  But for the life of me, I have no idea where that little thing went after she got home.  Oh well, less clutter.  

Growing Up Too Fast

I can't believe Ethan is at my shoulder and Artimus is just about five inches shorter than Ethan!  They are growing up so fast I can't remember how they used to be before they were able to talk.  Now, Ethan knows to listen carefully to what we say and to respond in such a way that would please us.  He is also turning out to be quite a chess master - today, he beat me in 4 moves.  I would never have thought that even a month ago.  Artimus, the master manipulator who tells so many detailed stories about everything, never fails to get our ears even though we know she exaggerates.  She is such a good storyteller, and so good at describing what is going on while videotaping with our iphones that it's actually fun to review her videos.  Just today, I dawned on me that she may be a natural reporter.

They warm my heart and fill my days with joy.  They are so simple and so true!  All they wanted each day is to have fun!  They want to play chess, or a family game of Blokus.  They are so competitive that it's actually fun for everybody.  I can't wait to play other more complicated games, like monopoly and civilizations.

Today, daddy took them out to play basketball and soccer.  They were so happy, just like little kids should.  Forget ballet!  We have to trim down so we have more time for the priceless moments of just being together and having fun!

Sleeping beauty, before I had to wake her up for school.

First lost tooth in March.

My camera-shy boy, at the pediatrician's.

Political Beliefs and Our Kids

We rarely argue, JK and I.  We try to have fun with the kids.  But I have been agitated by his high and mighty analytical discussion about cutting entitlement spendings, arguing that it is just so critical for the economy that Obama agrees.  Are we reading a different newspaper or watching different TV outlets for news?  But hey, he reads my NYTimes!  Yeah, I agree to entitlement cuts too, but sensibly and fairly.  After all, people receiving these "entitlements" like Medicaid and Medicare really need the help. Did he forget that you would have to have no money in the bank and so sick you would die if you don't get medical help?  The working poor gets so little by way of social security income that what they get they have to spend.  So how is cutting that going to spur the economy?  Still, I agree we need to cut some in order to balance the budget.  I don't think the Democrats or Obama disagrees.

Today, in the car, I loudly told JK to stop talking to me about this topic because we fundamentally disagree about the role of government and the source of today's economic ill.  He said I should show the kids how we can debate this.  What?  Debate this?  I asked him to tell his mother, father and two brothers who all receive some form of social security income and medical assistance from our government that they understand these entitlements would be cut big and they should totally understand why - it should not matter that they use every dime they get and still live very poorly and they have to live together in a very tight space.  Then JK got really mad at me.  The kids were very quiet in the back of the car, listening.

Hypocrisy is hard to tolerate.  Those who are superrich lost touch with being human and being humane.  I could see how it happened - the superrich live in a world completely apart from those receiving government assistance.  But for a middle class person who could be at the brink of needing government assistance should an illness befalls, to side with the interest of the rich is just not smart.  Is this simply stupidity like not knowing his self-interest in this whole debate?  Or is his self-interest so distorted that he doesn't see where he lies in this debate?

Yes, entitlement programs need to be improved so there would be less abuse.  But this very concern should apply more so to those entitlement programs the government gives to corporations to "build" the economy.  While all working people contribute to social security and medicare during our working life, corporations do not do the same.  We earned this "entitlement" of social security income and medicare when we retire.  Entitlements received by corporations are gifts that the government hopes would generate economic growth.

In my view, arguments are fine.  Kids need to see that their parents could argue but could still interact as reasonable people who care about each other.  I can only hope that they would grow up thinking critically about their lives and what is going on in the world.  I hope they become good responsible citizens who would give back rather than become people who care less about the sufferings of others.

JW

Another Year Older

I am happy to be where I am, in case you are wondering!

Chinese New Year Snow Storm

I think for the kids, the snow storm was more exciting than Chinese New Year.  The moment snow fell from the sky, they were screaming, "Snow, Snow, let's go sledding!"  It took a snow storm to make it possible, as they discovered.  This time, the storm was perfect - it was enough snow in one day to create enough snow for the fun.  So they were out there for HOURS.  Yeah, 4 hours!  Hunger and starvation didn't stop them from sliding down that slope again, and again, and again, and ...

Artimus and her neighborhood girlfriends!  Artimus loved being in the lead!

Let's do it again!

We did it again, hooray!

Ethan was the real adventurer!  Here, Ethan was coming down at top speed with the orange plastic toy bat to break the speed, which was totally ineffective.